Tonight, Tonight
by Mercury Blue
Summary: To see the future is to change it forever. A story about an alternate future, with strange pairings and heartbreak. How can you love someone you're not meant to? Main Characters: Amy, Raye, Chad, Darien. Warning: Some bad language and sexual references.
1. Introduction

Mercury Blue and Fire Goddess Raye

* * *

Well, I guess this is where we're supposed to put the obligatory Author's Notes, eh? Well, all right. But unlike the rest of this fic, this will not be a team effort. I, Mercury Blue, will be your sole guide for this bit.

This story has been in the works for the better part of five years, and what was once intended to be nothing more than a short meditative friendship fic has now become a dramatic soap opera, with more twists than a Rocky Mountain highway. We have written, edited, revised, deleted, re-written (and revised some more) this story more times then either of us can remember, and now, finally, here is the (hopefully) finished product. Before you go on to read, however, there are some things I feel I need to explain.

First off, I should make it clear to you that this story is based on the North American Sailor Moon dub. This is because, quite simply, for a long time (back when we first started this piece of work), it was the only form of the series that either the Fire Goddess or I had access to. Because of this we are more familiar, and feel more comfortable with using dub names and personalities.

In addition to this, I feel I must add that this story was started long before Cloverway dubbed both the third and fourth Sailor Moon seasons. Because of that, it was based strictly on the Sailor Moon and Sailor Moon R seasons, with no references to either Sailor Moon S, or Sailor Moon Super S. Our reasons for this are simply that, despite the fact we'd researched the final three seasons of Sailor Moon thoroughly, we still didn't feel comfortable enough with the characters (at that time) to incorporate them into our fanfiction. Therefore, this story is sort of an Alternate Timeline fic, taking place about five years after the last Sailor Moon R episode. Darien is about twenty-six, Chad about twenty-two, and the girls about nineteen. In this story, the Senshi know a little about their future, and that Rini is the daughter of Darien and Serena, but they don't know of Uranus, Neptune, or Saturn.

That said, I want to move onto another topic. That is, the parts of the story that we changed to fit our own needs.

In this story, there are various inconsistencies between it and the Dub, or it and actual Japanese society. I would like to explain them now, so that as you read, you aren't thinking to yourself, 'That's wrong- why did they do that?'.

One of the first things you may notice is the changing of the 'Cherry Hill Temple' to the 'Cherry Hill Shrine'. That's simply out of respect to the Shinto religion, as they don't have temples (That's Buddhism), they have shrines. Plus, we just like the sound of 'Cherry Hill Shrine' better. So there.

Another thing you may notice is the... general mucking up of the Japanese school system that goes on in this story. That's... rather simply explained. You see, in Japan, students have two one-month vacations at different points in the year. We didn't know that when we wrote the story, and changing it would have been a buttload of work. So, in this story, we've changed that. We've given them two months of vacation all at once, and placed that vacation in the fall/winter. This is simply for the sake of the story, so please don't be offended by our lack of accuracy. In this story, a school year goes like this: January to mid-October is school. Mid-October to November is when they take their finals. And finally, November to the beginning of January is vacation. Understand?

Lastly, or rather, the last inaccuracy I will mention, is the general westernization of Japanese society in this fic. I have two reasons for this. One is that, as I mentioned, this story is based on the Dub, and dub Japan is very westernized indeed. Second is that, well... we're Canadian. We're familiar with a Canadian lifestyle, and therefore, meaning to or not, we tend to have our characters act in many ways as they would should they be Canadian. We've tried to incorporate as much Japanese culture into this story as we could, but again, keep in mind this fic is dub-based, and written by Canadians. It will naturally have a western feel to it.

Our purpose in writing is simple. In addition to the fact that we both *love* to do it, we have a theory.

Our theory is simply that if one were to see the future, as the Senshi did, and found out what's destined to happen for them, one of two things would probably happen. They would probably either a) grow very cocky, thinking that nothing they do is going to prevent that future from happening, or b)desperately seek to purposely alter the future and prevent that future from happening, be it consciously or otherwise.

Now, suppose that Darien, knowing that the future he's been trying to establish for himself will never happen, grows a little desolate. Suppose that knowing who he will be with forever changes who he is

drastically. I mean, there he is, living his normal life when, suddenly, he finds out that not only this girl that he's been making fun of is his soul mate from a previous lifetime, but she's also destined to be his future wife! Suddenly, all those plans he's made for himself are thrown out the window. Perhaps, yes, he would have fallen in love with and married Serena in the future. But now, he doesn't even have a choice. He is simply told one day, 'This is how it is going to be for you'. So, suppose now that he decides that's not how he wants it to be, and walks away from it all, just so that he can maybe have some sort of say as to how his life goes.

Now also suppose that the Senshi, realizing that in the future they live lonely, unmarried lives with no children, try a little harder to meet someone, and fall in love, in order to prevent exposure to that loneliness. Throw into that mixture the assumption that no matter what Darien does, Serena will always forgive him, because she knows what the future holds as well as he does. Combine these factors, and

you wind up with a bunch of feuding, relationship-hungry people who can barely live with one another, and a mass of relationships that were never meant to be. Are you following?

In this story, Serena is never revealed to the reader. She is mentioned, but that is it. Our purpose in doing that is to show that the other senshi are people, with their own lives and goals, and that, while they may have their own perceptions and attributes that don't revolve around the Moon Princess, in the end, as is their fate, everything eventually goes back to her.

The very last thing I feel I should mention (as you are probably wanting to get on with the story) is, that characters may come across as very... out of character. The reason for this is simple. Picture yourself now. Think of every thing you know to be true, every idea you hold close. Now imagine that changed. Imagine those ideas and beliefs turned to dust, shattered when the realization hits that _they are wrong_. The dreams you held as a child forever diminished when you find out that they will never come true. Would that not scar you? Would you not seek to prevent (if not consciously, then sub-consciously) such a future from happening? Would you not _change_?

Think about that for a bit.


	2. Part One- Silent Motivation

Standard disclaimer applies. This is NOT a songfic.

This story is dedicated to all the authors out there that have taken a chance and refused to be bound by the traditional rules. It's for those writers who've crashed through barriers and put out fanfiction

that is just a little bit different. For all of you, I offer this humble piece of work. I hope one day, I'll be more like you.

It's also for Moon Senshi, our fabulous editor. Thanks for your help, girl! The end result was well worth the time it took you to finish.

This story is rated PG-13 for language, and sexual references.

* * *

Time is never Time at all  
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth  
And our lives are forever changed  
We will never be the same  
The more you change, the less you feel  
Believe, Believe in me, Believe  
That life can change, that you're not stuck in vain  
We're not the same, we're different tonight.

Tonight, so bright. Tonight.

And you know you're never sure  
But you're sure you could be right  
If you held yourself up to the light  
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake  
The place where you were born

Believe, Believe in me, Believe

In the resolute urgency of now  
And if you believe there's not a chance tonight.

Tonight, so bright. Tonight.

We'll crucify the insincere tonight  
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight  
We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight  
The indescribable moments of your life tonight  
The impossible is possible tonight  
Believe in me, as I believe in you tonight.

Tonight, so bright. Tonight

~Tonight, Tonight  
The Smashing Pumpkins

* * *

"Tonight, Tonight"  
by Mercury Blue and Fire Goddess Raye

Part One- The First Month

Chapter One-  
Silent Motivation

* * *

_Time is one confusing sonovabitch. Believe me, I know. The way it wraps itself in such intricate circles, creating lives even as it ends them; building love, and then taking it away. Even I cannot begin to understand it._

_And yet... as confusing as it is, Time is also a relatively simple thing and can be screwed with so easily- or stopped in the blink of an eye, if one possesses the information I do. Or, if one has such an inclination. Time can be halted forever._

_Forever. I hate the word. Because, after all, what does forever mean? Is it until the end of my lifetime? Yours? Or is forever until the day I grow weary of this job, and stop Time, and Space entirely?_

_Yes. I am capable of that. After all, I am Sailor Pluto, Guardian of Time. Oh! You've heard of me? How nice. But even if you hadn't, well, that is of no importance. I am not here to talk about myself,_

_but rather to reveal to you why my job is so valuable to humanity and why no mortal, ever, should be given the opportunity to view their future. To teach the lesson I had to learn the hard way._

_I should never have sent them to the future, I know that now. For when a person sees their future, they often try too hard to ensure, or prevent, that future from happening. They can grow cocky, or nervous, and perform one small act which permanently alters the future in some way. This story is about one such happening; about a group of young people who become so certain and so expectant about a future they've seen that they unwittingly change it... ahem... *forever*._

_Now, how shall I begin? Shall I start my story like a fairy tale, with words of, "Once upon a time..."? Or perhaps you would prefer it to be a little more unique, jumping into the action straightaway, like a diver into the cold ocean water._

_Ah well. Neither of these seem appropriate to me now. Because, my dears, this is not a fairy tale, or a script for an action film. It really did happen, you must believe me. For believing the story is the only way to prevent it from happening again, in another time. In another place._

_So I shall start straight-forward, from the beginning, as it happened. That is really for the best, don't you think?_

***

Amy Mizuno cupped her chin in her hands and stared intently into the blue eyes looking back at her. They were intelligent eyes; a little sad-looking, but intelligent still. They rested in a pretty face, surrounded by short, blue hair. It was a smart haircut, or so her mother used to say. Worn by girls with careers. Smart girls.

Smart.

Amy sighed and leaned back away from the vanity mirror. Her entire life, she'd been thought of as nothing but a brain with legs. Someone who would rather sit around and discuss quantum physics while other teenagers her age went shopping, had sleepovers, or dated.

Dating. It wasn't something she was unfamiliar with. She'd had a boyfriend for the past four years, though not all at once.

His name was Greg. She'd met him about five years ago, when he transferred to her school temporarily. Though she'd soon learned that he was a rainbow crystal carrier and a strong clairvoyant- and even despite the fact that he'd soon figured out she was Sailor Mercury, they'd developed a bond, and had later began seeing each other. The relationship was strained, however. Between his father's constant job transfers and Amy's many extra-curricular schoolings, they seldom saw each other. Not that Amy minded much. After all this time, the relationship had finally hit a roadblock.

Her mind wandered to their last date. Dinner and a movie. The same thing they had done the date before, and the date before that. If it got any more redundant, Amy didn't know what she would do. Sometimes she just wished she had the courage to end it. To throw the promise ring he had given her in his face, and scream at him that it was over. To do something, anything, that would make her feel less boring. Less ordinary.

Less smart.

But she knew she wouldn't. She had seen how it would be- how her future would feel. She would be alone forever in that future. She would never feel the warmth of a husband's body next to her at night, or experience the happy glow of a child's love. This was the only time she would get to feel anything like that. The only time she would be able to share trite intimacies with another person, before that dreaded future hit.

"Is this all I get?" Amy said aloud (but softly, because she was, after all, a smart girl, not a lunatic), "A boring boyfriend, then an eternity of loneliness?".

The smart girl who looked back at Amy from the mirror didn't respond. The smart girl made a very stupid-looking face.

Amy straightened her hair with the palms of her hands and walked out of the small bathroom of her apartment, into the larger, more spacious living area. From the arm of the black sofa, she picked up her purse and car keys. She'd promised her friend Raye earlier that week that she'd stop by for a while if she had time, and now she did. Raye had said she wanted to sit down, have some nice green tea, and "catch up".

Amy chuckled to herself as she thought about that. It had been only a month since they'd seen each other last, when Amy had more or less boarded herself up in her apartment to study for her finals. But after having seen each other almost every day since the beginning of their friendship over five years ago, Amy could understand how a few weeks could seem like an eternity. She almost felt that way herself.

Amy sighed and smoothed her long blue skirt over her thighs, grimacing to herself as she realized that this was a smart girl's skirt. Something those career women would wear- something her mother would like. Well, there was nothing to be done about that, she thought to herself. May as well go over to the shrine and have a nice afternoon with Raye and try not to think about it.

***

It was near dusk when Amy pulled her blue civic into the parking space near the entrance of the Cherry Hill Shrine. Stepping out of the car slowly, she took in the beauty that surrounded her.

The sky glowed gold, bright and warm. Leaves- red, gold, yellow- littered the cement steps that lead towards the shrine. Nearby, on the stone signs with the beautiful kanji writing, the familiar forms of Raye's two crows, Phobos and Deimos, perched. Behind them, the graceful outline of the shrine itself could be seen.

With a soft gasp of awe, Amy tilted her head back to take in the sight behind the shrine. Several tall cherry trees, black in the lighting, seemed to hold the orange orb of the sun between their finger-like branches as an offering to the pale moon that rested across the sky from it. It was like an omen, or a subtle reminder of the past that forever linked her and her friends.

It had been well over a month since she'd been there last. Ever since she'd moved to her apartment across town, the two hour-long commute to Raye's home had become something she didn't do often. Rather, they would meet in the middle and have lunch in the city or meet up for a movie. Raye had only been to her new place once. But the beauty of the shrine never ceased to amaze Amy. Even when she'd lived walking-distance away and had visited constantly, Amy had always been stunned by the peacefulness and serenity of shrine life. At times, she'd almost wished she could live there, too.

Smiling to herself, Amy took the cement steps one at a time, feeling the familiar texture even through her tan sandals. Stray leaves brushed up against her ankles and floated on the warm autumn breeze. She bent to pick one up and held it in her fingers.

"Amy." It was Raye's soft voice she heard, and she stood up quickly, dropping the dry leaf and smiling in the direction of the voice.

"Oh, hi, Raye." Amy laughed. Raye waved at her. In her other hand, she held an old and rather scruffy-looking broom. As she always did while she was working, Raye wore her red and white Shinto priestess garb. Her raven hair hung long and to the back of her knees. Behind her, Chad, looking even scruffier than the broom, emerged from inside. He too waved, his brown hair falling into his eyes as always. "Hi, Chad!"

Raye handed Chad the broom, and walked down towards Amy. "What took you so long?" she asked, with a smile. Amy didn't have time to reply before Raye enveloped her in a warm hug. "It's been a while."

"Not that long," Amy laughed, returning the hug and then pulling back. "It's only been a month!" The two walked up towards the shrine. "So, how have you been keeping occupied, lately?"

Raye shrugged, stopping to sit on the sun-warmed stairs in front of the shrine. "Oh, nothing new. Since Grandpa went on that training trip, I've kept busy filling his shoes, but it's nothing I haven't done before." She stopped. "Of course, finals kept me pretty busy for a while, but that's over with now, isn't it?"

Amy nodded, and sat next to her friend. "Yes. Mine *were* rather difficult. I was concerned for a while that I would score below a ninety-eight." Raye rolled her eyes, but Amy pretended not to notice. "I was really relieved when I saw I'd received a hundred. I was worried I might need to attend summer school."

Raye sighed. Amy hadn't changed a bit since she had met her. She was still a perfectionist, as always.

"Raye, I'm going to use the phone. I'm supposed to call Lita." It was Chad's voice that broke the brief silence. "If you need me, give me a yell." With a wave, he jogged down the steps that Raye and Amy were sitting on, the blue fabric of his shrine pants brushing against Amy's knees as he passed. She waited until he had disappeared into the living quarters of the shrine before she turned to Raye.

"What did he mean, 'he was going to call Lita'," Amy asked in a soft, but shocked tone. Raye sighed and leaned against a wooden beam that stood beside her. "That doesn't mean that he's..." Amy's voice trailed off in wonder.

Raye tucked of strand of hair behind her ear. "Seeing her? Yes, that's exactly what that meant." She closed her eyes briefly and turned to look at Amy. "In fact, that's partly what I invited you over to tell you. You've missed a lot this past month."

Amy's expression betrayed the shock she felt inside. For over three years, Chad had mooned over Raye. Lita was a friend of theirs. Their hooking up made absolutely no sense. "How did this happen?" she asked. Secretly, she wondered if Raye was upset. She'd never shown a lot of interest in Chad, but then again, neither had Lita.

"Finals. Lita asked him to help her study, and everything sort of fell into place from there. When I asked her about it, all she told me was he reminded her of her old boyfriend."

"What about him?" Amy asked. "I didn't even think he knew her that well."

"I haven't talked to him about it," Raye admitted. "You know how he used to..." _like me_. Raye didn't have to finish her sentence. Amy knew too well.

"Well, you said I've missed a _lot_," Amy pointed out. "What else has happened?"

Raye laughed. "Here's one that won't surprise you a lot: Serena and Darien broke up again." Amy didn't respond. Over the past couple of years, their two friends had broken up about a dozen times. Ever since they'd come back from that trip to the future, four years ago. They didn't take those breakups too seriously anymore.

"What else?" Amy got the feeling that wasn't everything.

"Not much. Mina's still in the hospital, but then, you knew that." Raye wrinkled her forehead in thought, and Amy's eyes widened. She leaned towards Raye.

"Mina's in the hospital? Why?" Raye raised an eyebrow.

"Don't tell me Serena forgot to call you!" she exclaimed. "That meatball head! She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what, Raye? What happened to Mina?" Amy pressed. The thought of something bad happening to her pretty, blonde-haired friends made her concerned.

"She was in a motor-bike accident with her boyfriend almost a week ago. A car side-swiped them. Jeff's fine, but she did a flip in midair and landed on her right arm. She fractured it in two places and gave herself a concussion, poor thing. When I visited her yesterday, she was just still covered in bruises."

"That's terrible!" Amy gasped. "Will she be alright?"

Raye nodded and stood up, brushing off the seat of her pants and offering a hand to Amy, pulling her up as well. "She'll be fine, I promise. The doctors say there'll be no permanent damage. But, hey, if you want to stop by to visit her, I don't mind postponing our little get-together. What time is it?"

Amy glanced at the watch on her wrist. "It's quarter to seven, why?"

Raye smiled at her. "Visiting hours end at eight. Why don't you stop by and see her?"

"But I'm here to see you," Amy protested. "I'd feel awful about leaving you here alone."

Raye waved her hand in a 'forget about it' gesture. "Don't worry about it," she assured. "You go visit Mina. I'm sure she's wondering why you haven't stopped by yet. Then, when you get back, we can finish our conversation, and you can stay over until tomorrow."

"Are you sure, Raye?" Amy asked, placing her purse-strap over her shoulder.

"Of course I am, silly!" Raye laughed. "Now it's settled. Go- go on. I'll see you in a bit." She gave Amy a playful shove towards her car.

"All right, all right. I'll see you soon." Amy walked to her car, stopping to wave good-bye. "Bye!"

Raye acknowledged the wave with a thumbs-up sign. "Ciao, Ames."

Amy laughed, and unlocked the door. "Oh! Hey, Raye?"

"What now?" Raye sighed.

"Which hospital?"

"Tokyo General. Now, shoo,". Amy opened the door and got into the car, turning on the ignition right away. A glance at the clock radio told her she'd only been at the shrine for less than fifteen minutes.

"I'll have to bring her back some coffee to make up for this," she said to herself, and she pulled the car out of its space. Tossing a final wave in Raye's direction, she drove away.

Behind her, standing at the bottom of the shrine stairs, Raye's smile faded a bit.

***

"Mmm-hmm. Yeah sure, that sounds fine. Yeah, okay. I'll see you in a half hour. Yeah... you too. Bye." Chad was just hanging up the phone when Raye entered the room. "That was Lita. She's coming over," Chad explained.

"Oh." Raye's reply was quiet. "That's... nice." She walked past him, and headed towards her bedroom.

"Raye, wait." Chad's voice beckoned her. "What's wrong." It wasn't a question. Chad knew something was up.

"Nothing." She turned around to face him. "What makes you say that?"

"Ever since I started... with Lita... you've been shutting me out. What's going on?" His tone begged for a reply. She was, after all, his best and oldest friend.

"I already told you, nothing. This has nothing to do with Li- with her. Or you," she added. "Just leave me alone, alright? Please."

"I can't leave it alone," Chad pressed. He ran a hand through his long hair, moving his bangs so she got a rare view of his eyes. "Something's got you down. I wouldn't be your friend if I didn't-"

"Didn't what, Chad? Hurt me?" Raye was worried she would start to cry any moment. "I can't believe you would be so thoughtless. My _friend _of all people?" She turned to walk away again. She'd been walking away from him for much of the past month.

"I know what this is about," Chad said quietly. "You're upset because I've found someone, and you haven't. Because I'm not following you around like a lost puppy any more." Slowly, his tone was creeping up. "I couldn't wait around forever." Chad's words infuriated Raye.

"You think you're so smart!" Raye raged. "That has nothing to do with it, and you know it!"

"Doesn't it? It doesn't bother you a bit that all of your friends are happy, they all have someone... but you? You're so blinded by jealousy, you can't see the truth right in front of your face!"

This time the tears did come, and Raye brushed them away with an angry swipe from the back of her hand. "How dare you!" she spat. "You don't know anything!"

Chad's volume rose to match hers. "I don't, do I? Then how do I know what a spoiled brat you are!?"

Raye grew deathly silent. Her eyes pierced him with a fury he'd seldom seen in her before. "Fuck you."

With a glare, she spun on her heel, about to storm out of the room, when Chad grabbed her arm. "What?" she growled.

Chad's tone was remorseful. "Raye, I... I want things to go back the way they were between us. When we acted like friends instead of enemies. Please."

When she spoke, her voice was thick from the tears that rolled down her face. "That can't happen," she sobbed. "Not ever." She looked up at him, then looked at the hand that held her arm so tightly. "Please... let me go."

Chad's grip loosened, but he didn't remove his hand. She tore her arm free angrily. Wiping the tears off of her face, she ran to her room.

Chad sighed, and rubbed his left eye. "Christ," he muttered. "What have I done?"

***

"Mina?" Amy knocked on the door to the hospital room and poked her head in.

"Amy," Mina's voice called to her from the hospital bed, "How are you?"

"I should be asking you the same thing," Amy said with a smile. "I brought you flowers!" she held up a bouquet of yellow daisies. "I'll just put them over here, okay?" She placed them on the nightstand.

"I'm sorry I haven't been here sooner," she said once she had finally sat down. "I guess there was some sort of misunderstanding among the girls... I wasn't even told you were here until about a half and hour ago."

Mina chuckled to herself. "Let me guess, it has something to do with Serena."

"You hit the nail right on its head."

The girls laughed and talked happily for several minutes. Finally, Amy's expression turned serious.

"So, tell me what happened," she said, nodding towards the cast on Mina's arm. Mina sighed.

"To tell you the truth, I don't remember much of it," Mina began. "One minute Jeff and I were cruising along the highway on his bike, and the next thing I knew, I was here. Apparently, a car caught us from the side, but I don't remember that. I don't remember any car..." She smiled at Amy shyly. "I know how stupid that sounds, but-"

"Not at all," Amy assured, "I'm just glad you're all right."

"Oh, I'm fine. The doctors are only keeping me here to make sure my brain isn't permanently scrambled or something." She giggled, a tinkling bell of a laugh, and smiled at Amy.

"Yeah, well you're lucky to be alive. What kind of a guy is Jeff? I've never met him. Was he driving recklessly?" Amy's tone betrayed her concern for her friend.

"Oh no, Jeff's not like that at all. He's really great. Nice, sweet, cute, funny... you'd love him. I met him three weeks ago, when I was getting some pictures developed. He's a photographer, you know."

"That sound's great, Mina. And I'm really happy that you're feeling better today." Amy nodded towards the several bouquets of flowers that were already placed around her bed. "Well, you've certainly been cared for, that's for sure." She got up to read the cards attached to them. There was one from Lita- a large sunflower with a short stem, in a glass vase. Tigerlilies from Raye, baby's breath and carnations from Serena, a large assortment from Jeff. And a dozen roses without a card.

"Darien?" Amy asked. Mina nodded.

"Yeah, he's been here as much as the others. He's lonely, you know."

"I've heard. When did the break-up happen?" Amy felt really bad for him.

"Right after I got together with Jeff. He ended it over a fight they had when Serena caught him looking at another girl," Mina sighed. "I'm worried they're serious this time. You know they can't break up."

"I know, I know. If they do the future..."

"...might not happen. Why don't you talk to him, Amy? You've always been the voice of reason for the Sailor Scouts. Convince him to take her back. She's more than eager."

"She always is," agreed Amy. "And I do agree they can't separate. Heaven knows what will happen to Rini- or us- if they do. But what if he doesn't listen? He's almost as stubborn as Raye at times..."

Mina laughed. "Assuming that's possible, of course. But seriously, I know he will. He's just got to listen to you... And if he doesn't, well, at least we can say we've tried. Please Amy, you've got to do it."

"All right, I'll talk to him. I'm staying at Raye's place tonight, so I'll go over there tomorrow."

"Really, Ames? That's great, thanks. Who knows, maybe someday the whole world will have reason to thank you." Mina's smile was so wide Amy was worried she'd sprain something, and prolonging her stay in the hospital.

"Oh, Mina, don't be so melodramatic," Amy teased. "I hardly believe it would go that far. But now," she added, changing the subject, "It's getting almost time for me to leave. So," she rose, and gave Mina a hug, "I'll say goodbye. When are you getting out of here?"

"The doctors say tomorrow," Mina said happily. "I can't wait."

"Well, give me a call then. I'll see you later." Amy picked up her purse and turned to leave.

"You won't forget to talk to Darien tomorrow, will you?" Mina called after her. "It's really important you do..."

"I promise, Mina. Goodbye."

***

It was after nine when Amy got back to the shrine, holding three steaming cups of cappuccino from a nearby cafe.

"Raye? Chad?" Amy called from the doorway. "I'm here. Hello?"

"Hi, Ames. Man, I haven't seen you in a while!" Lita came out of the kitchen to greet her with a bright smile on her face. Amy's eyes widened momentarily with surprise to see her friend, but she recovered quickly and shot her a bright smile.

"It's been too long, Lita," she agreed brightly. Lita's eyes wandered to the cups in Amy's hand. "You come bearing gifts, I see!"

"Huh? Oh," Amy looked down. "They're, ah, cappuccino. I brought them for Raye... and Chad."

"Hey! Speaking of Chad, did you hear?" Lita's face positively glowed with happiness.

"Oh, yeah. You're seeing each other." Amy said. "That's... great. Unbelievable, even. How did it happen?"

"Girl, it was _so_ romantic. I was feeling really stressed about studying for my finals, especially the botany part. I had mentioned that he'd aced botany, before he'd graduated and come here, so I asked him if he'd help me." Lita's eye's sparkled as she told the story, and Amy felt torn between wanting to share in her friend's happiness- and feeling concerned about how Raye was _really_ handling the new relationship.

"That is nice, really," Amy said, "but at what point did it escalate from a study session to a relationship?"

"That's the great part," Lita grinned. "We were sitting there, you know, studying, and I suddenly noticed how much he looks like my old boyfriend. You know, how his hair hangs into his eyes, and the way he bites his lip when he's thinking? Well, right about then I asked him out. On a date."

"What did he... do?" Amy asked. She had to admit, she was curious about how this unexpected situation came about.

"He said no!" Lita laughed. "What a kick! He said he was already kind of seeing someone, and the timing was bad, that sort of thing. I'll admit, I felt like an idiot knowing how hung up he's always been on Raye. But not ten minutes later, I catch him staring out the window like he's deep in thought- and next thing I know he's telling me he'd love to go out after all. Boom, just like that- a change of heart."

"That's definitely surprising," Amy said, trying to mask her confusion at Lita's story. "Like you said, he's had feelings for Raye for years…"

"That's ancient history," Lita said defensively. "He's with me now."

"So it seems," Amy agreed reluctantly. "Anyhow, congratulations. I really hope you two are... happy." The cups were burning her hands. She handed two of them to Lita. "Here, give one to Chad," she said. "I'll talk to you more later- there's actually something I need to talk about with Raye." She brushed past Lita quickly, and rushed to Raye's room.

"Raye? Hi!" Amy stepped into the bedroom cautiously. Raye lay sprawled face-down on her bed. "I brought you a cappuccino."

"Aaheutim," Raye muttered through her pillow. At least, that's what it sounded like to Amy.

"Pardon me?" Amy asked. "Would you please repeat that?"

Raye sat up sharply. "I hate him." Her voice was bitter with rage. "I wish he would die."

Amy sat on the end of the bed. "Now, you don't mean that."

"Yes I do. He's a jerk."

"What did he do?" Amy sighed.

"What did he do? What did he *do*?! He went out with my friend, that's what! He stabbed me right in the back!" Raye's voice was coarse, and Amy knew she'd been crying.

"How did he do that, Raye? I don't want to sound like the bad guy here, but it seems like all he did was..."

Raye ignored her. She jumped off the bed and began pacing angrily. "Do you know what he said you me? That- that _jerk_- said that I was jealous. He said that I was mad because I don't have anyone, like my friends do. He said... he said I'm a brat! He's a jerk! Thank you." Amy had handed her the cappuccino. "He's just a big old jerk. A stupid jerk!"

"Now Raye, you're starting to repeat yourself," Amy said calmly. "Let's try to put things in perspective-"

"No...no." Raye shook her head. "The bottom line is, Chad pretended to like me. He acted like he wanted to _be_ with me. And then, when someone else showed interest, he bailed. He _never_ wanted me! I was nothing more than a distraction to him." A tear rolled down her face. "It's like my relationship with Darien all over again." She sat on her bed and cradled her face in her spare hand, sobbing.

"Raye, Raye listen to me." Amy said, reaching for her hands. "Listen." Raye lifted her tear-stained face to look at her. "This isn't like with Darien. Chad _did_ love you; he always has, and he probably always will in some ways. He never dragged you along, and was always there for you when you needed him. But Raye, you waited too long. You pretended you didn't see it, and he gave up."

Raye lowered her head, tears streaming over her cheekbones, onto her lips, down her throat. Amy lifted her chin so Raye was eye-level with her. "You waited too long, Raye."

Raye sniffled, and wiped her face dry with her sleeve. "I know, Ames. Maybe I'm not so much angry with him as with myself." She looked down at the cup in her hands. "But why couldn't he wait just a little longer?" A tear rolled down her face. "Just a little bit?"

***

"Well, I'd better go," Lita yawned, getting off the couch. They'd been sitting in the living area for a while, watching old reruns. "It's getting late,". She grabbed her coat off of the edge of the sofa and stood up slowly, casting Chad an expectant look as he lay spread comfortably in an old armchair.

"Uh, yeah," he murmured, getting up himself. "I'll, um, walk you to the door." He walked towards her, and gave her a lop-sided smile.

"Thanks..." Lita trailed off. She had something on her mind. "Chad?"

"Hmm?" He did too. He'd been thinking about Raye- about their fight.

"Can I- ask you something?" her smooth forehead was wrinkled in apprehension at what she wanted to say to him.

"Of course," he laughed reassuringly. "What?" He just couldn't get Raye off of his mind. Was she still angry?

"We've been sorta- seeing each other almost a month," Lita said slowly. Chad nodded for her to go on. "Well the thing is-" she inhaled deeply, "are you ever going to kiss me?" She looked so uncomfortable Chad felt a knot of guilt in his stomach.

True, it had been a while since he'd started hanging out Lita- ever since he'd looked outside that fateful day and seen Raye flirting with a handsome delivery boy right in front of his window. When he'd completely given up on any chance of ever being with her. But in all that time, he'd never once thought about kissing Lita. She'd been a good companion to him over the past few weeks, and a welcome distraction- though he had never thought about her in a romantic manner.

"Um, well..." He gave her a crooked smile, embarrassed. After a pause, he leaned forward and kissed her. Briefly. Butterfly wings against her lips. He smiled gently, not knowing what else to say.

He didn't have to say anything. Lita put her hand on the back of his head, and pulled him towards her, finding his mouth with her own. She kissed him firmly and passionately, drawing the breath out of him. His mind went blank. His feelings were mixed, but this wasn't unpleasant. Without further thought, he kissed the beautiful brunette back.

***

They were kissing.

Amy couldn't believe the sight in front of her. She'd only just convinced Raye to go to the kitchen for a bite to eat, only just calmed her down enough for her to be able to do so.

And now they were standing in the doorway to the living room, and Lita and Chad were kissing.

She felt sick- though it wasn't nausea from the sight of the couple in the living room. Rather, it was a combination of concern for her best friend and the nagging feeling she couldn't shake that this scenario was just _wrong_.

Lita had been Amy's friend for a while- Nothing was going to change that. But Amy found herself annoyed at Lita's behavior and angry that she would pursue a relationship with Chad when it was blatantly obvious to anyone with eyes that he and the raven-haired priestess were attracted to each other.

This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. Raye and Chad should have been the ones locked in that embrace. They should have been the ones in an exciting, new relationship. Raye should have been the one with Chad's arms around her waist. Not Lita.

Amy closed her eyes to the sight. Heaven only knew what was going on in Raye's mind at that moment.

She looked over at her friend sympathetically. The feeling in her stomach wouldn't go away. For her part, Raye just stared at them, her eyes glassy. Suddenly, before Amy really knew what was happening, Raye turned sharply and stormed into her room again. Amy didn't follow. She turned back to see if Lita and Chad had even noticed. They hadn't.

Sighing to herself, Amy turned and followed Raye's path.

* * *

The End, Chapter One


	3. Always The Quiet Ones

This story is rated PG-13 for language, and sexual references.

* * *

The way you're bathed in light  
Reminds me of that night  
God laid me down into your Rose garden of trust  
And I was swept away  
With nothin' left to say  
Some helpless fool  
Yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace  
You're all I need to find  
So when the time is right  
Come to me sweetly, come to me  
Come to me

Love will lead us, alright  
Love will lead us, she will lead us  
Can you hear the dolphin's cry?  
See the road rise up to meet us  
It's in the air we breathe tonight  
Love will lead us, she will lead us

Oh yeah, we meet again  
It's like we never left  
Time in between was just a dream  
Did we leave this place?  
This crazy fog surrounds me  
You wrap your legs around me  
All I can do to try and breathe  
Let me breathe so that I  
So we can go together!

Life is like a shooting star  
It don't matter who you are  
If you only run for cover  
It's just a waste of time  
We are lost 'til we are found  
This phoenix rises up from the ground  
And all these wars are over

~The Dolphin's Cry  
Live

* * *

"Tonight, Tonight"  
by Mercury Blue and Fire Goddess Raye

Part One- The First Month

Chapter Two-  
Always The Quiet Ones

* * *

"Raye, are you alright?" Amy stepped into Raye's room, and closed the door behind her with a gentle 'click'.

"I'm fine," Raye said sharply. She sat at her bedroom vanity, brushing her long black hair in the mirror. "Do you think I should cut my hair?"

"Don't change the subject, Raye," Amy sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. "You can be honest with me."

Raye put her brush down and stared into the mirror at Amy's reflection in the background. "Amy, do you know what went through my mind when I saw that? When I saw them..." she paused. Combing her fingers through her hair, she pulled it back into a loose ponytail at the nape of her neck, twisting it and placing it demurely over her right shoulder. "All I could think was... I lost him. There's nothing I can do now." She smiled sadly and turned to face Amy.

"But there must be something! I refuse to believe that they-" Amy was grasping for straws, and Raye cut her off with a wave of the hand.

"It's over, Ames. Lita's my friend, and even if it means giving up Chad, I want her to be happy. Really." She yawned softly, and Amy realized for the first time how late it was.

"Do you mean it, Raye?" Amy lifted herself off of the bed and stood in front of her friend.

"Of course I do," she murmured. Slowly, she turned herself to face the mirror again. "I wouldn't have it any other way. Now," she tossed her head and the loose ponytail tumbled free, hair spilling down her back in ebony cascades, "what do you think of shoulder-length and brown?"

"Raye, you've got beautiful hair," Amy sighed. "Why are you suddenly so eager to change it?"

Raye made eye contact with her reflection. "Why not?" she asked softly. "Everything changes."

***

It was the light of the morning sun that woke Amy the next morning. She stretched in her futon on the floor and propped herself up on her elbow to peer over at Raye's bed to see if she had awakened as well.

Raye lay sprawled across her bed, still fully clothed in her Shinto garb. Her hair was tangled around her in a halo, and her makeup was smeared. Her eyes were closed, and she snored softly. She and Amy had been up so late the previous night that neither had bothered changing.

With a sigh, Amy sat up and attempted to smooth the wrinkles out of her clothing. She couldn't have changed even if she'd wanted to. It wasn't as if she had packed for her visit- she had figured she would be home before she went to bed. Softly, careful not to wake her friend- poor Raye, she was so stressed. Amy could see it- Amy tiptoed over to Raye's closet, listening to the hesitant squeak of the hinges as she pulled it open. With a soft sigh she perused the selection, finally settling on a soft pink slip-dress and white blouse. She pulled the garments off of their hangers, hearing the soft whisper of the fabric against her fingertips.

Quickly she changed, glancing over her shoulder to see if Raye had awakened yet. She hadn't even changed her position.

Amy rolled up the futon and folded her blankets neatly, placing them in their spot at the bottom of the closet. When that was complete, she folded her clothing as well, hanging each piece over the back of a chair.

When the room finally looked as it had before she'd arrived, Amy gave a satisfied smile, and sat down at Raye's desk. Pulling out a sheet of stationary from the top drawer, Amy proceeded to write her a note.

Raye stretched lazily and glanced at the clock on her nightstand. It read 10:46; she hadn't intended to sleep so late. However, she was glad that for once in the past couple of weeks she had been able to have a good night's rest.

She looked over at the makeshift bed where Amy had slept, half-expecting her friend to be staring at her with a smile on her face for having awakened at such an hour. However, the floor where Amy had slept was bare, and she was gone. The only evidence that she had been there at all was the faded blue skirt and blouse hanging over the back of Raye's desk chair. Wherever Amy was, she was naked. Raye laughed at the thought.

She threw off her covers groggily and put on a pair of slippers, pausing only briefly in front of the mirror to fix herself up bit. When she finally decided she was presentable, she headed into the kitchen.

***

Chad was there, fixing himself something to eat. With his back to her, he didn't see her at first. Raye debated saying anything to him. The last time they had spoken, there had been that awful fight...

As it turned out, Raye didn't have to say a thing. Chad turned around to grab a knife and saw her standing there. "Hey." He greeted, a little shyly, Raye thought.

Raye forced a small smile. "Hi." She paused. "Do you know where Amy is?"

Chad fished in his pocket for something, his tongue perched between his teeth in his search. Soon, he pulled out a folded sheet of paper. Raye recognized it as a sheet of the stationary Mina had given her the Christmas before. "Uh.. yeah," he said, "she left you this note." He passed it to her silently, turning back to finish building his sandwich.

Raye sighed softly, and unfolded it, taking in the tidy, small handwriting.

_"Raye, Sorry I didn't wake you up before I left, you were sleeping so soundly, I didn't want to bother you."_

Raye smiled. Typical Amy.

_"I promised Mina I'd talk to Darien, so I might not be back for a while. I borrowed one of your outfits. Hope you don't mind. I'll stop by later to drop it off before I head home. See you soon. ~Ames~"__  
_  
"What did she have to say?" Chad questioned through a mouthful of salami. He leaned over the sink, devouring his sandwich hungrily.

"Oh, nothing much. She'll be visiting an old friend today." Raye paused. It had been the longest sentence she'd spoken to him since their earlier fight.

Chad nodded, and swallowed heavily, washing his meal down with a strong swig of orange juice. A moment of awkward silence passed as he stared at her, trying to discern her mood.

"Raye... I'm sorry that I said all those mean things to you," he said finally, breaking the quiet. His smile was small but sincere.

Raye was a little surprised at his words. She hadn't expected an apology. "I'm... sorry too."

"It's been tearing me up inside," he continued, his hands moving expressively. "I can't stand that we're fighting." He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and stared at her. She could see his eyes now from where she was standing; Sparkling and dark green, it was easy to forget sometimes how penetrating his gaze could be. He hesitated with what he had to say next. "The thing is, you're probably the best friend I've got in this world. I love you, and I would *never*  
intentionally hurt you in any way."

Raye wanted to cry. She wanted to believe Chad so much, but she couldn't. He had hurt her, and she refused to forget that.

She wondered briefly if the love he spoke of was love like he felt for Lita. But she was only kidding herself. He would never love her again as more than a friend. That was clear now.

"Chad, it's okay," she sighed. "We both said things we didn't mean." That was true. She didn't want to admit it, but Chad had been partly right. She *was* jealous; but not in the way Chad suspected. She wanted him, more than anything.

_~Too bad it took losing him to make you realize that,~_ she thought.

The awkwardness of the situation was beginning to overwhelm her. Tears burned in her eyes, but she refused to let them go. This was harder than any fight she'd ever had to endure as a Sailor Scout.

"Listen Raye," Chad said, noticing the tears start to well, "I know that something is wrong. You haven't been acting like yourself lately."

Raye felt her throat ache. His concern was only making her feel worse, and she found that she could no longer stop the tears that she was holding back.

"I know," she said. She could always talk to Chad about her problems- and usually did.

But now he *was* one.

Chad wished he knew what was going on with Raye. It seemed the girl who was usually was so open with him was now purposely distancing herself. He sighed in frustration.

"Do you want something to eat?" he asked. He hoped she would agree, so they could talk.

"No thanks, Chad." She eyed the door like a trapped animal. "I'm not really hungry right now."

"Hey, at least will you talk to me?". He grabbed her hand, and held it tightly, not wanting her to run off like she had the night before.

"About what?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"We need to talk about whatever it is that's bothering you. I want to help," he pleaded.

Raye stared deeply into his eyes. His sincerity pulled at her heart. _~I love you.~_ she thought.

"Chad... I .... It's nothing." She stammered. She couldn't look at him. Instead, she looked at the refrigerator, the sink, the low table in the dining room.

"I know something is up," he dug. "Why are you pulling away from me. What the hell is happening with you? Are we even friends anymore?"

_~Where did you go?~_

"I'm fine. We're still friends. I..." She was searching for an escape. Anything to get her away from this situation. She couldn't tell him how she felt. She couldn't betray Lita  
_~But she can betray you?!~  
_ like that. It was wrong.

"Raye. Please. Tell me." Raye was fighting an emotional battle- and Chad was battling for her trust.

"It's very complicated right now. I can't." She attempted to walk away, but he held her fast. He knew better.

"Just let me help..."

Raye tried to jerk away from him. "You can help me by leaving me alone," she snapped. His stunned look stopped her, and she softened her tone. "Look, I know I can talk to you..." she trailed off... "about anything. I will. I just can't right now." She pulled her hand away. "*Please* try to understand."

He touched her arm gently. He knew that if he pressed her any further it would end up like last time. Instead he decided to leave it. She would tell him in her own time.

Chad held his arms out for a hug, and Raye paused reluctantly. Then, slowly she moved into his embrace. He inhaled the intoxicating sent of her hair. Chad loved the way she felt in his arms and the feeling of her small hands resting softly on his waist.

She relaxed in the comfort and safety of his arms. Raye felt that she could stay like this forever.

"Knock- knock." A voice broke the silence, and Chad looked up. "Lita!" He exclaimed. He looked shocked, like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Lita said. She put on a false smile and tried to ignore the way they looked together. As if *they* were the couple. "I'm going to pick up the movies for tonight. I was wondering what you would like me to get."

"Huh? Oh, I'll go down town with you." Chad said. Suddenly, he became all too aware of the figure he held in his arms. Quickly, he moved out of the embrace.

"Hi, Raye. How's it going?" Lita said, a little too cheerfully. Raye could see she was hoping for an explanation.

"Uh... Fine." She backed away from Chad slowly, as if he would bite her. "I have to go clean the fire pits now." She rushed out of the room quickly.

Chad watched her go in silence. When he could see her through the window, she was heading towards the shed where the shovels were kept.

"Well," he said cheerfully, as Lita looked at him in confusion, "Let's go."

***

Amy adjusted the front of the slip-dress she wore and pressed the button at the doorway to Darien's apartment building. She had arrived there at a little after eleven and hadn't been in to see him yet.

Within moments, a deep male voice could be heard over the intercom.

"Darien here." He had a smooth, likeable voice, much different from the deep authoritative tone he used as Tuxedo Mask. "Who is it?"

"Darien, it's Amy." Her tone was soft and pleasant, even through the static-y intercom. There was a long pause, and the buzzer signaling her to open the door sounded.

"Come on up."

"Hello, Amy. It's been a while." Darien closed the door behind her and took her coat, placing it on a nearby hook.

"Yes, well, Mina asked me to come," Amy replied shyly. "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting anything."

"No, no not at all," he assured. They headed into the living room, and Darien offered her a seat. "Can I offer you anything? Coffee? Tea?"

"Tea would be nice, please," Amy replied politely. Darien smiled, and headed into the kitchen where he put water on to boil. He returned several moments later and sat in an armchair opposite Amy.

"What is it you came to talk to me about?" he asked finally, reclining comfortably in his chair. His hair was mussed as usual, and fell into his midnight blue eyes in arrogant waves. Amy had to strain to make them out.

"Well," she began, getting straight to the point, "Mina told me yesterday what's happened between you and Serena-"

"-and she's convinced you to come over and talk some sense into me," he finished with a roll of the eyes. "She's getting worse every day." The insistent whistle of the kettle could be heard from the kitchen suddenly. Darien raised his index in a 'wait a minute' gesture, and ran back into the kitchen.

Soon he returned, carrying a tray of teacups and muffins, and he placed it in front of her.

"She's concerned, that's all," Amy continued. "After all, Serena and you are-"

"-destined to be together." Darien nodded as he finished her sentence for the second time. "Amy, I've spoken to Mina. I've spoken to Lita, and I've spoken to Raye. I've even spoken to Luna and Artemis. But the fact is, my feelings have changed." He paused. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be... forced to love someone? To have the future mapped out to the point that the entire universe depends on your procreation with another person? I can't live a life that's been planned for me."

Amy nodded. "I understand," she said. "But if you and Serena split up... The future may never come to be."

"God, do you think I don't know that?" Darien stood up quickly, running his hand through his hair angrily. "Do you think I don't think about that every waking minute? That because of me, a little girl who I love more than life- *my* child- may never be born?" He closed his eyes.

"Then take Serena back! You can fix it!"

"Amy, you don't understand! The love is gone!" He moved over to the window and looked out over the city. "If she would stop kidding herself for five minutes, I know she'd see it, too."

"You don't mean that," Amy said quietly. Darien spun to face her.

"This is hard for me too," he said. "Do you think it isn't? To have no one understand what I'm going through, to have the scant few who I could explain things to turn their back before I do? It's hard, Amy." He rubbed his temples with the first two fingers of his hands.

For a few moments, Amy said nothing. Then, she stood up from the couch for the first time since she'd arrived there. "I understand," she said finally. And she smiled, gently, the sympathetic smile she was known for. Darien stopped massaging his forehead, and looked at her.

"Really?" he asked. Amy nodded slowly. "You do?"

"Darien, I care a lot about what will happen in the future, and I know you do too. But I also know that you're right. To be expected to follow certain guidelines is more or less like being in an arranged marriage. It *should* be your decision. So I won't press that issue anymore,". She walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "But I have faith in you. I know that sooner or later, whether you realize it or not, you *will* make the right decision. And, as your *friend*, and not a sailor scout, I will be behind you. I promise."

Darien smiled. "Amy, you're the first person to understand me. Thank you. I have a lot of respect for that." Amy smiled back softly. "You're a good friend."

"I try." Amy and Darien both laughed, and Darien glanced through the window to a cafe across the street.

"Listen Amy, forget about the tea and muffins. What do you say we get out of here? We'll get something real to eat. We'll talk."

Amy nodded. "That sounds good," she said. "Let's go."

With a hand on the small of her back, he guided her to the doorway, retrieving her coat and handing it to her gallantly. "What do you think about burgers and fries?"

***

The last fire pit was nearly cleaned when Raye heard the phone ring. She brushed a strand of hair out of her eye, smearing a small line of soot across her cheek and sighed. Thrusting her shovel deep enough into the earth to keep it standing, she ran into the shrine.

"Hello?" she answered, catching it on the fifth ring.

"Raye, it's Mina." A perky young voice greeted her though the receiver. "Can I ask you a huge favor?"

***

"Thank you so much for picking me up, Raye." Mina limped through the hospital door Raye held open for her. "I would have gotten Jeff to do it, but he's really busy now, and-"

"Think nothing of it," Raye laughed. "You should have called earlier- I was in no hurry to finish those fire pits." The two of them walked slowly down the cement stairs in front of the hospital, enjoying the sunlight. There was a moment of silence. "So, how are you handling things, Raye?" Mina asked finally. Raye turned her head to look at her.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" They kept in step with each other, neither in any hurry to get to Raye's vehicle.

"Lita." Mina reached into her pocket, pulled out some Chapstick, and put it on quickly.

"Lita," Raye repeated. She stopped, and so did Mina. "Listen Mina, I'm okay with it, if that's what you're getting at."

"I'm not saying you're not," Mina replied, tossing her hair. "I was just trying to make conversation."

"Whatever," Raye sighed. "Really, you must think I'm stupid or something."

Mina rolled her eyes, "You know me too well. Are you sure you don't mind? You and Chad have been close for years. I just thought-"

"-That I would be bugged by it. Mina, I'm a big girl. This is nothing. Besides, *he* was the one who liked *me*. If anything I should be glad he's finally-"

"Now who thinks who's dumb?" Mina retorted. "It's eating you alive, I can tell." She smiled sympathetically, and Raye didn't respond. Instead, she turned to begin walking. Mina followed her, matching her stride for stride.

"Well," Raye said slowly, "it may have bothered me at first... I mean, it's hard to admit to yourself that you're not loved anymore." There was a pause. "But if he's happy, I am too. That's all there is to it."

"I don't believe you," said Mina. "After all this time, to lose him to a friend of yours... I don't think you can dismiss it that easily."

A strange urge to pummel her friend struck Raye, but she immediately pushed it to the back of her mind. She was already bruised up pretty bad. Besides, Raye thought, she was right. She wasn't entirely over it. But there was no way she would admit it.

"I can. And I have." Raye said. "I can prove it. Chad and Lita were going to rent a few movies for the night. They invited me to join them. Why don't you and Jeff show up?"

"I don't know," Mina replied. "We were going to go out for dinner, and then-"

"Come on," Raye pressed. "You can do that later. Amy might be there, and you two can catch up. Come on, it'll be fun."

"All right, I'll come," Mina sighed. "But only to prove you are *so* not over Chad."

***

Darien laughed, and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "So, tell me, when did you decide to become a doctor?"

Amy took a sip of her water and smiled. "Haven't I told you this before?" she asked.

Darien laughed again. "Probably. Tell me anyway."

"Well, as you know, my mother's a doctor," Amy began. "Her career's always fascinated me, I guess." She laughed, "Anyway, that's dumb. Why'd *you* decide to go into medicine?".

"That's a long story," he sighed. "Short version? I guess it started when I was just a kid. My parents had died in a car crash when I was eight, and when I came to, I was in a hospital. There was this one doctor there. Dr. Tanaka. She was tall, beautiful, and the kindest woman I'd ever met. She spent hours a day in my room, making sure I had everything I needed. It helped ease the pain a lot; I mean, I felt like she really cared about me." He smiled at the memory. "She wrote me often after I left the hospital, and I started to feel a lot better. After a while, I decided I wanted to do that too to help people live their lives." He laughed to himself. "I've never told anyone that. Not even Serena. I guess it's kind of dumb, isn't it?"

Amy put a hand over his, and smiled gently. "Not at all," she assured. "I'm glad you told me."

"Well, you're an easy person to talk to," said Darien. "I could never imagine myself talking to Serena this way." He sighed. "All Serena ever wanted to talk about was us. Our future, our marriage, our children. She never bothered to learn about me, the person she planned on doing these things with."

"That was her mistake," said Amy. "You're a great guy." Their eyes met across the table, and he held her gaze momentarily.

"Well, I'd better go," said Amy finally. "Raye's probably wondering what happened to me."

"Yeah," said Darien quickly. He stood up. "I'll walk you to your car."

"Okay." Amy stood up too, and grabbed her coat from the back of her chair. "Let's go."

They walked out of the restaurant, and Darien paid for their meals, politely refusing when Amy offered to pay her share. Then, they headed down the street, towards Darien's apartment. Amy could almost forget that the man in her company was her friend's ex. He seemed different somehow. It occurred to Amy, a little shamefully, that she had simply never bothered to look for this side of him before.

Finally, they reached the apartment building where Darien lived. They stopped in front of Amy's car, each waiting for the other to say something.

"I've had a-"

"-This has been a-"

They both began speaking at the same time. Darien laughed.

"I'm sorry. You go first."

"I've had a nice time today, Darien," she said with a smile. "It's been a while since I could sit down, and just talk, like we did."

"I had a nice time, too," Darien agreed. "Thank you for being willing to hear my side. For being a friend."

Amy laughed. "You make it seem like we won't see each other anymore." She tossed him a wide smile.

"Of course we will, promise," he said. Amy fished in her pocket for her keys and turned to face him again.

"Goodbye," she said, and he opened his arms for a hug. With a laugh, she moved into them, and they hugged like old friends. When they parted, his arms were still around her waist.

Darien looked deep into her eyes, before he leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. Slowly, he pulled away and smiled.

Suddenly, a strange urge struck him, and he moved forward yet again to kiss her on the tip of her nose. Gradually, he moved down, and kissed her cheek, her jaw.

Her mouth.

Before, she knew it, she was responding to the kiss, her lips moving in sync with his- his tongue parting them to explore her mouth passionately. He pulled her close, and she didn't resist, pressing against him. Behind them, pedestrians walked by as usual, several muttering about 'those young people'.

As he kissed her firmly, a voice in her head told her it was wrong- that she should stop. But her heart told her not to, and she sighed into his mouth, not caring.

* * *

The End, Chapter Two

AN: Standard disclaimer applies.

This story is dedicated to all the authors out there that have taken a chance and refused to be bound by the traditional rules. It's for those writers who've crashed through barriers and put out fanfiction that is just a little bit different. For all of you, I offer this humble piece of work. I hope one day, I'll be more like you.

It's also for Moon Senshi, our fabulous editor. Thanks for your help, girl! The end result was well worth the time it took you to finish.


	4. Sweet Surrender

[mercuryblue_22@hotmail.com]  
[courtney@email.ky]  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
Electricity   
Eye to Eye   
Hey don't I know you   
I can't speak   
  
Stripped my senses   
On the spot   
I've never been defenseless   
I can't even make sense of this   
You speak and I don't hear a word   
  
What would happen if we kissed   
Would your tongue slip past my lips   
Would you run away   
Would you stay   
Or would I melt into you   
Mouth to mouth   
Lust to lust   
Spontaneously combust   
  
The room is spinning   
Out of control   
Act like you didn't notice   
Brushed my hand   
  
Forbidden fruit   
Ring on my finger   
You're such a moral moral man   
Would you throw it away   
No question   
Will I pretend I'm innocent   
  
I struggle with myself again   
Quickly the walls come crumbling   
Don't know if I can turn away   
  
  
~What Would Happen  
Meredith Brooks  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
Altered State, book one  
"Tonight, Tonight"  
by Mercury Blue and Fire Goddess Raye  
--------------------------------------------  
  
Part One- The First Month  
  
Chapter Three-  
Sweet Surrender  
  
  
My, my. Quite a predicament we have ourselves in, wouldn't you say?   
Amy has just betrayed one of her best friends; she's kissed the   
boyfriend of the Moon Princess. That must surely be some sort of crime.  
But then, is Darien even her boyfriend anymore? He seems to resent her  
somewhat. A definite change from the days he worshipped the ground she  
walked upon.  
  
So if he's no longer Serena's betrothed, there is nothing wrong with   
their actions, is there? Or should Amy have stopped, to think about   
what Serena would have thought of the situation? Who's at fault?  
  
Ah, well. I'm not here to judge right or wrong. And I can't blame   
them when it's my fault they're behaving this way. Had I not shown   
them what would happen in the future, all would have be fine. The   
delicate web of time would not have separated so.  
  
As for Raye, where does she now stand? She claims to have given her   
blessing for Lita and Chad's relationship, but is that really so? Can  
it be that in only a day, she has put aside all feelings for Chad? Or  
is it merely a brave front she is putting on? I suppose I should   
continue, so we may find out the answers to these questions.  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
  
The event of only minutes past ran through Amy's mind as she drove to   
the shrine. She had kissed him. Darien. The Earth prince, and   
Serena's only love.  
  
"What have a done?" she asked herself, tapping herself on the   
forehead in annoyance. "Stupid, stupid."  
  
She'd been blaming herself since she'd left him five minutes earlier,  
and it didn't seem as though she would stop any time soon. All she   
could think of was how it felt to have his arms around her, his lips   
against her own. Those lips, so firm...  
  
She mentally slapped herself. This was Darien! A comrade in battle,  
a close friend, and nothing more. There wasn't anything else to it.  
  
A brief memory from years ago struck her, and she sighed. It was  
true, she'd had feelings for him once. When she'd first met him, while  
he'd mercilessly teased Serena, she'd found him handsome and   
mysterious, but that had been the extent of it. The crush had died   
after she met Raye and had disappeared completely when she'd learned of  
his past with Serena. There was no way she could-  
  
Oh, but those lips. The man could kiss, there was no disputing that   
fact. And the way he had held her... she had never felt so secure in   
her life. Not even with Greg.  
  
Greg.  
  
Shit.  
  
Not only had Darien and she betrayed Serena, they'd betrayed Greg as   
well. Greg, with his naivete and those psychic visions of his. Bet he  
hadn't seen this coming. But she felt bad. He had always shown such   
kindness to her, and now look what she had done. She'd thrown his love  
away for a kiss which had felt dirty. Wrong. And yet, so *good*.  
  
So she had liked it. So it had felt *so* right. So what? She  
wasn't planning on doing it again, not for anything.  
  
~"I'd like to see you again. Will you come over tomorrow?"~  
  
The last words he'd spoken to her rang through her mind clear as  
though he was still whispering next to her ear. God, she wanted to.   
It was clear she felt an attraction for him- more so than she'd ever   
felt for Greg. But she knew it was wrong. Darien wasn't hers to love,  
it was that simple.  
  
~"Will you come over tomorrow?"~  
  
Of course she wouldn't! Because that was the sensible thing to do.   
That was her role as a loyal friend and as a guardian of the Moon  
princess. Right? And she was sensible, loyal, logical Amy. There was  
no way she would even consider...  
  
~"Will you come over tomorrow?~  
  
...Amy sighed resolutely. Yes. She *would* go over tomorrow. She   
had to speak to him about what had happened. It was the only way she   
could think of to clear her conscience.  
  
  
* * *  
  
"Amy, please, you've got to stay another night." Raye was on her the   
moment she stepped through the shrine doors.  
  
"Why?" She asked.  
  
"Oh, I just thought it'd be fun," Raye lied. "I mean, I've already  
invited Mina and Jeff... and Lita and Chad are going to be there..."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Amy asked. She removed her jacket and  
hung it in the closet.  
  
Raye sighed. "Oh man, Amy, I've made a mistake." She threw her back  
against the wall and crossed her arms. "I tried to be over him... I   
really did... I went all morning without even thinking about him..."   
She walked into the kitchen and sat at the table as Amy followed her.   
"Then I went to pick up Mina, and she started... asking me how I was.   
I told her I was fine- I really was- but she didn't believe me. Then I  
remembered Lita and Chad inviting me to watch movies with them tonight,  
and I couldn't help it. I had to prove her wrong, I-"  
  
She was beginning to rant now, and Amy waved her to silence.  
  
"What you're saying," she interpreted, "is you invited Mina, and Jeff  
over to watch movies tonight, with your *favorite* couple,".  
  
Raye nodded.  
  
"So now, you're stuck, with them, alone, all night, watching more-  
than-likely sappy movies, with two couples, as they make out. Am I   
right?"  
  
Raye nodded again, and Amy laughed, a low, throaty chuckle very   
unlike her.  
  
"And I thought I had problems," she muttered, tilting her head back   
as she reclined in her chair.  
  
"Please, Ames. Just stick around one more night. I don't... I don't  
want to be the... only pathetic loner there tonight."  
  
Amy jerked her head up and looked at her. "Excuse me?"  
  
Raye smiled, "Well, you know what I mean. Please?". She pouted like   
a child.   
  
As she looked at Raye, Amy remembered her conversation with  
Darien.   
  
~"Will you come over tomorrow?"~  
  
"Okay, okay, I'll stay. I've got something I need to do in the  
morning, anyway."  
  
  
* * *  
  
They'd arrived on time, all of them, much to Raye's hidden disdain.   
She'd been secretly hoping Mina would cancel. But she'd arrived first,  
with Jeff on her arm, looking cute as always.  
  
Lita had arrived next, giggling and grinning, carrying several movies  
under her arm. She passed them around to the others.  
  
"I brought 'Shall we Dance?', 'Ran', and," she wrinkled her nose in   
Chad's direction, "'Weatherwoman'-- Chad's choice."  
  
Amy tilted her head. "'Weatherwoman?'" she asked. "Isn't that the   
movie about that martial-artist, telekinetic weather woman who's   
always flipping her skirt up and showing her panties?"  
  
Chad grinned, and Jeff added, "Among other things...".  
  
"I- I don't wanna know,". Mina threw herself on a nearby  
loveseat and gestured towards the television. "Just plug it in," she  
sighed. Jeff smiled, and snuggled up next to her, wrapping his  
arm around her. Raye cast her an envious glance, glad she wasn't able   
to see it, and curled up in an old arm chair. She knew it would be a   
long evening.  
  
  
* * *  
  
A soft blue light emanating from the TV blanketed the six figures in   
the living room.  
  
Chad glanced around the room, sleepy from the hours of movie-   
watching.  
  
Raye was still seated in the old worn armchair, twirling her hair  
between her fingers as she watched the actions on the screen blink  
before her eyes. On the floor beside her, Amy lay, asleep, and  
snoring softy. Mina and Jeff sat, still entangled on the love seat.  
Chad sighed.  
  
His gaze eventually drifted to his thigh, where Lita rested her hand.  
Firmly; possessively. He felt a sight shudder go up his spine. Chad   
couldn't explain the feeling; it was neither disgust or attraction. It  
was more like the feelings of a prison convict- he felt as if he were   
in a cage surrounded by doubts and fears and he couldn't get out.  
  
It wasn't that he didn't like Lita. She was a perfectly wonderful,  
attractive girl, and he was more than amazed that she had chosen him,   
but... the feelings simply weren't there. He didn't get the   
butterflies in his stomach that he got when it was the real thing.  
  
With a sigh of frustration he rested his head on the back of the   
couch and cast a long look at Raye.  
  
Those butterflies. There they were.  
  
When he looked at Raye he had the strangest feeling in his chest, as   
if someone were taking a bicycle pump and was filling it with air. His  
heart raced. His breathing grew shallow. He *should* be getting that   
feeling when he looked at Lita... But he didn't.  
  
He couldn't deny that.  
  
Suddenly, Raye stood up. "I'm going to the kitchen to get something   
to eat," she announced. "Does anyone want anything?"  
  
There was a unanimous mumble, and a half-muffled grunt from Amy.   
Raye rolled her eyes and proceeded to the kitchen. Opening the fridge,  
she stared into it, intently.  
  
Chad entered the room quietly and stood behind her. "Do you need any  
help?" he asked softly.  
  
Raye didn't even look up. "Sure." She pulled out various condiments  
from the fridge, tossing them with haste onto the counter behind her.   
Once she was satisfied she had enough, she proceeded to make sandwiches  
for everyone.  
  
Chad grabbed the bread and began to spread mayonnaise on the slices.   
There was silence between them.  
  
Finally, Raye turned to face him. "Can you pass me that tomato over   
there?" she asked, pointing to it with a mustard covered knife. A few  
drops fell onto his sleeve, and her eyes widened. "Oh, Chad, I'm so   
sorry," she apologized, swiping at it with a paper towel. "I just...   
I-"  
  
"Okay," Chad said quietly, examining the spot on his favorite shirt.  
"Now it's on."  
  
"Huh?" she tilted her head, puzzled at his comment. "What do you-"  
  
Her words were cut off as a slice of buttered bread was pressed into   
her face.  
  
  
* * *  
  
~No... can't... Oh god, I'm so sorry, Serena... so... warm...  
yes... Darien... kiss me again... oh, please don't... It's wrong...   
no... don't stop...~  
  
Amy's eyes flickered open as the dream faded, tossed to the wind like  
a handful of seeds. She'd been dreaming of him. Darien. Of the   
wrongs they'd committed that afternoon and that blissful way he'd held   
her. He was strong, much stronger than Greg, and that strength emnated  
from his embrace, firm and unyielding. She wanted to feel that   
embrace again... she couldn't help herself. She knew it was weak- and   
she hated herself for it.  
  
It took awhile, but she gradually became aware of her settings:  
Lita on the floor, her arm stretched along the edge. Mina and Jeff,  
snuggled up, in their own little world. Chad... and Raye... where  
were they?  
  
Mina, noticing Amy had awaken, untangled herself quickly, and walked   
over to where she sat up, rubbing her eyes and looking around.  
  
"Have a good nap?" she laughed, sitting down cross-legged next to   
her. Amy nodded groggily, and glanced at her watch.  
  
"How long have I been out?" she yawned.  
  
"About two hours. You missed 'Ran'." She smiled sweetly, then grew   
serious as she changed the subject. "So, did you... talk to him?" Her  
eyes were wide and pleading.  
  
"Talk to who?" Lita jumped in the conversation. "You don't mean-   
oh, no, Mina." She sighed. "You didn't send her over to talk to   
Darien, did you?" With a roll of her eyes, she glanced at Amy. "She's  
done that to all of us, you know. Me, Raye, Artemis, Luna, the whole   
ball of wax. We've gotten the same reaction every time. He doesn't  
want to go back- there's nothing we can do."  
  
Mina crossed her arms (an awkward task considering one was in a cast)  
defiantly. "There *is* Lita. We've just got to find a way." She   
turned to Amy. "Did you? Talk to him, I mean."  
  
Amy nodded, backed into a corner. "I did. I- It was like Lita said   
it would be. He's not going back to her." She lowered her eyes. "I'm  
sorry, Mina. I tried."  
  
Mina sat back on her heels. "So this is it, then," she sighed. Her  
voice dropped, so Jeff couldn't hear. "There's not going to be a   
Crystal Tokyo. Rini... Rini will never be born."  
  
"We can't judge that for certain," Lita offered, trying to cheer  
her up. "We never know what the future will hold. But if Darien's  
going to go back to Serena, he's going to do that on his own. We can't  
force him."  
  
"That's right," Amy said quietly. "It's... up to him."  
  
There was a loud crashing all of a sudden, which jolted the three  
girls out of their conversation. After a moment, laughing and yelling  
emanated from the kitchen. Lita raised an inquisitive eyebrow.  
  
"I'm going in there to see if they need any help," she said standing   
up.  
  
"Uh... No its okay. I'll go and help. You stay here and watch the  
movie." Amy placed a hand on Lita's shoulder and lightly pushed her   
back into her seat. She couldn't be sure what was happening, but if   
Raye and Chad were having a reconciliation, they didn't need to be   
interrupted by Lita, of all people.  
  
Amy entered the room silently, stopping in surprise as she noticed  
the pair was covered in food. They'd evidently been involved in some   
sort of a food fight, judging from the mess around them. "What are you  
guys doing?!"  
  
"Uhh... Making sandwiches." Chad finally said. Raye nodded in  
agreement, as the two of them tried to stifle their childlike giggles.  
  
Amy couldn't help but smile at them. They were covered in food  
from head to toe. She looked back into the living room quickly;  
Lita sat waiting for Chad impatiently.  
  
"We should clean up." Raye said, with a smile.  
  
"That sounds like a good idea. You two go and clean yourselves up   
and I'll start on the kitchen." Amy said. She was glad they were  
friends again.  
  
Chad gave Raye a playful nudge as they walked down the hall to the   
bathroom. It was a tight squeeze, but somehow, they both managed to   
fit in the small little room.  
  
Chad stared at Raye with a smile on his face. It was clear that he  
was the winner of their food fight- Raye could barely be seen beneath   
the gunk that covered her.  
  
Still smiling, he unbuttoned his shirt, unaware of Raye's eyes on  
him. She couldn't help looking at his well defined abdominals; the  
way they lay stacked upon each other in a fine rippley mass. His  
chest was covered in a sparse hair. Not too much, but enough to give   
him the slightly rumpled look of a teddy bear. Raye found it   
incredibly sexy...  
  
She shook her head suddenly and tried to focus on something else.  
  
~I can't do this.~ she thought. ~I'm only confusing myself.~  
  
"I have no idea how you could get food here." Chad said,   
interrupting her reverie as he showed Raye his back. It was true.  
He had peanut butter and flour covering his torso.  
  
Raye ran a hand through her hair and held out a handful of pie,  
mustard and flour. "Somehow, I don't feel sorry for you,". She  
laughed and threw her handful of gunk into the nearby trash bin.  
  
Chad picked up a washcloth and held it momentarily, feeling the  
wet heaviness of it in his hand. "Come here," he said. She faced him,   
and he began to wipe away the meringue on her forehead, tracing a line   
of water with his thumb as it headed to her eye.  
  
"Sorry," he said softly. "I didn't think I got you that bad." He  
remained focused on his job as he cleaned her up. His fingers trailed   
gently down her neck.  
  
Raye slowly lifted her head so their eyes met. "Well I think I put  
up a good defence."  
  
She proceeded to dust the flour off his shoulders and his shirt,  
which hung open. Chad closed his eyes, and inhaled.  
  
She slid her hands around his waist, and kissed him.  
  
Slowly.  
  
The butterflies.  
  
Chad's heart beat faster.  
  
~Is this a dream?~ Chad thought ~If it is I never want to wake  
up.~  
  
This was it. He was finally kissing Raye, the girl he loved above  
all else.  
  
After fantasizing about this moment millions of times before, it  
was finally *happening*. And it was better than he ever could have   
imagined it. He knew that even in the years to come he would remember   
every detail. The softness of her lips; her little flowers of hands on  
his waist; the smell of her hair, so much like almonds.  
  
It felt as if time had stopped completely. It was perfect. *She*  
was perfect. Everything was-  
  
"Chad. What's taking you so long?" It was Lita knocking on the  
door.  
  
They jumped apart from each other, as if each had been burnt by the  
other. Chad and Raye stared at each other, both torn between the desire  
to forget the outside world and the knowledge that there was no   
escaping it.  
  
"Perfect," Chad muttered. He took a step back. "We can't....."  
  
"Why... oh shit." Raye's voice trembled with desparation. I am *so*   
sorry. That was wrong. Please, don't hate me."  
  
"No, no it's not you..." Chad grabbed her hand. His voice lowered.   
"It's standing outside the door."  
  
Raye nodded. She was shaking. "You know we can't do this again.   
Ever." She backed into the door.  
  
"What if-" Chad began.  
  
"Never. Even if she and you broke up, it would just be wrong." Was   
she trying to convince him? Or herself?  
  
"But..."   
  
"Hey, you guys." Lita interrupted. She knocked on the door again.   
"You're missing the movie."  
  
"Chad," Raye whispered. "This didn't happen." Her eyes were filled  
with tears- he just noticed it. Oh, gods. She drew in a shaky breath,  
then turned and walked out of the bathroom, brushing Lita as she passed  
without a sound.  
  
Lita stared at Chad. "What's her problem?" she asked, curious. She   
could tell Raye had been upset.  
  
"Uh..." Chad stammered, "Nothing." He sighed. "Nothing at all..."  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
The End, Chapter Three  
  
  
  
AN: Standard disclaimer applies. This is NOT a songfic.  
  
This story is dedicated to all the authors out there that have  
taken a chance and refused to be bound by the traditional rules.  
It's for those writers who've crashed through barriers and put out  
fanfiction that is just a little bit different. For all of you, I  
offer this humble piece of work. I hope one day, I'll be more like  
you.  
  
It's also for Moon Senshi, our fabulous editor. Thanks for your   
help, girl! The end result was well worth the time it took you to  
finish. 


	5. Turning Of The Tides

This story is rated PG-13 for language, and sexual references.

* * *

Love Is Tragic  
Love Is Bold  
You Will Always  
Do What You Are Told

Love Is Hard  
Love Is Strong  
You Will Never Say That You Were Wrong  
I Don't Know When I Got Bitter  
But Love Is Surely Better When It's Gone

'Cause You Wanted More  
More Than I could Give  
More than I could handle  
In a life that I can't live  
You wanted more  
More than I could bear  
More than I could offer  
For a love that isn't there

Love is color  
Love is loud  
Love is never saying you're too proud  
Love is trusting  
Love is honest  
Love is not a hand to hold you down  
I don't know when I got bitter  
But love is surely better when it's gone

I got to pick me up when I am down  
I got to get my feet back on the ground  
I got to pick me up when I am down

You wanted more  
More than I could love  
More than I could offer  
The harder you would shove  
You Wanted More  
More Than I could give  
More than I could handle  
In a life that I can't live

~You Wanted More  
Tonic

* * *

"Tonight, Tonight"  
by Mercury Blue and Fire Goddess Raye

Part One- The First Month

Chapter Four-  
Turning of the Tides

* * *

The silence between them now was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. With some effort, Chad had again taken his seat next to Lita, who immediately nuzzled into his shoulder, completely oblivious to the fact that he was staring at Raye with imploring eyes. Raye did her best to avoid the gaze, curled up in her spot in the old armchair with her eyes fixed on the television in mock concentration.

If anyone noticed it, nothing was said- but from her spot on the floor, Amy knew something was up. And she had a feeling she knew what had happened.

***

"See ya guys." Raye waved goodbye as Mina and Jeff walked out the door, his arm around her waist. It was past one and, much to Raye's relief, the movies were over and everyone had decided to go home.

Mina and Jeff waved and walked down the cement stairs to where Jeff's badly-dented bike was parked. Inside, Lita was putting on her coat and shoes.

"Thanks for having me over," she chirped, planting a quick kiss on Chad's lips. "I had fun."

Raye turned her head at the sign of affection, not noticing how Chad hesitated slightly while kissing her back. As much as the scene disturbed her, she'd come to the recent realization that this was how it would have to be from now on, for Lita's sake. She wanted her friend to be happy, and if it meant not  
having the man she loved, a part of her felt it was worth it.

The other part was dying.

"See you guys," Lita waved in Amy and Raye's direction, and walked out the door, bouncing happily down the stairs behind Mina and Jeff. The two waved back with false smiles, exchanging glances between themselves.

Finally, Raye closed the door with a sigh, turning to lean against it. An awkward silence filled the room and enveloped the remaining three people in the house.

"Um, I'm going to bed," Chad murmured finally, his head down. "Good night."

Raye watched him turn sharply and walk towards his room, closing the door behind him. Amy immediately raised her eyes at her friend.

"Time to spill, Raye," she said almost immediately. "I've been waiting all night to ask you- What happened between the two of you in the bathroom?" She walked across the room to sit on the couch with her legs curled under her, then waved her hand to indicate that Raye should do the same. "Don't think I didn't notice how awkward things were between you today. Even worse than usual."

As Raye joined her friend on the couch, she sighed to herself and shook her head, not sure where to start. "It happened so fast, Amy," she finally blurted out. "One minute, I was washing pie off of my face and the next, my arms were around his waist and I was _kissing_ him!" She hid her face in her hands. "I couldn't help it, Amy! I couldn't control myself!"

Amy simply shook her head, a little stunned but not entirely surprised by Raye's confession. "You _kissed_ him?" she repeated. "Oh, man, what were you thinking?"

"That's the problem, Amy. I _wasn't_ thinking. All I could think of was how incredible he looked with his shirt hanging open like that; how amazing his stomach was. How tender the look in his eyes..." She whimpered to herself and pouted, despising herself for her weakness. "I'm such a bad friend. I totally stabbed Lita in the back!" Tears crept into her eyes, and she hugged a nearby couch cushion to her chest as Amy silently processed what she'd heard.

"Well, did he kiss you back?" Amy asked finally, trying to ignore the feeling that nicked in the back of her mind. Deja vu brought her hair on end.

"YES!" Raye wailed dramatically, tossing her head back to rest against the back of the couch. "He did! And that makes it _so_ much worse!"

Pause.

"Why is it worse, Raye?"

"BECAUSE! Now I know he still likes me, but we can never be together!!!!" If it weren't for the seriousness of the situation, Amy would have laughed at Raye's theatrics. She was beginning to resemble Serena in her urgency, though Amy dared not tell her that. In fact, she was a little bothered at how much it reminded her of her own situation with Darien.

Raye shifted uncomfortably in her chair with a grimace, one hand on her belly. "I just feel so terrible, Amy. I've got, like, this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach."

Amy gazed off into space. "I know how you feel," she murmured.

Raye nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on Chad's bedroom door. "God, am I wrong, though? It felt so right."

Amy sighed, in her own world. "Yeah, it did."

"What?"

Amy was startled from her reverie at the sight of Raye staring at her, an eyebrow cocked as she gazed with curiosity at her friend. "What the hell are you talking about?" A bemused smile rested on her cherry-colored lips as crimson crept up Amy's neck, staining her face. "Amy, why do I suddenly get the feeling we're not talking about me anymore?"

_Awkward._

"Forget it," Amy averted her eyes quickly. "We're talking about you and Chad right now…"

"Forget about that for the moment," said Raye, leaning forward. "I want to know what you meant by that." There was a moment of silence where nothing was said before, finally, Amy cast her friend a distressed glance.

"Raye, what happened between you and Chad tonight? Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not exactly in a position to throw stones here." Raye waited for her to continue and Amy sighed, not sure how to tell her friend about what had transpired that day. "Okay. You know how I went to talk to Darien today? To try and convince him to get back with Serena?" The knot in her stomach tightened and she worried, knowing her firey friend would almost definitely be pissed off at her. "We wound up going out for lunch and spent a good part of the afternoon talking." She leaned back and frowned, her eyes on Raye. "I tried to get him to take Serena back- I really did- but he just wouldn't hear any of it. He really feels like he's being _forced_ into his role in the future with Serena- and I don't blame him! He wants to chose his own path, and make his own decisions without the weight of consequence on his shoulders. He feels _trapped_, Raye."

"Amy, what exactly are you trying to tell me here?" Raye's tone was chilly. Amy tried to ignore her friend's tone and continued.

"We found out that we had a lot in common and we had a blast, the both of us. And between finals and life's other stresses, it's been a long time since I really enjoyed myself like that." She watched realization dawning on Raye's features. "As I was leaving, we went to give one another a hug goodbye- innocently. And somehow- before I knew it- we were kissing." The last sentence came out in a tumble of words and Amy clenched her eyes shut, bracing herself against the fury that was almost sure to follow.

Instead, Raye sat in stunned silence for a moment before her jaw dropped. "Amy, please tell me you're not _serious_." She said finally.

"It happened before either of us realized it, Raye. I never planned on-"

"That little _snake_," Raye spat, venom in her tone. "How could he do that to her? " As relieved as Amy felt momentarily that her friend's anger seemed to be directed more at Darien than herself, she felt the need to interject.

"Raye, it wasn't just him, it was both of us." She sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. "We got caught up in the moment, and it happened- no different than you and Chad tonight. He was in a bad place emotionally and, to tell you the truth, I wasn't in all that great of a mood myself. I've been having... problems... in my relationship with Greg lately. Then today, for the first time in a long time, I was able to just stop thinking about that and have fun. I _know_ it was wrong. I never should have let Mina convince me to get involved in the first place. But, as hard as it is to believe, he's just- not in love with her anymore."

Raye stared at her friend deeply for a moment, without saying a word. It was her turn to process surprising information. Finally she drew in a deep breath and said, "Well, I guess it's not my life. Darien and Serena aren't together any more, and it's about time every one just accepted that." Amy exhaled lightly, relieved. "I mean, it's not as if you kissed him while they were together. _Technically_, you could say he's fair game right now. So as upset as the situation might make me, you're not HALF the bad person I am." Tears filled her eyes, and Amy hugged her reflexively, wishing she could say something to make everything better.

"Raye, I know how you're feeling right now, and I want you to stop blaming yourself. If Chad kissed you back then it's just as much his fault as it is yours." She brushed a strand of hair off her friend's forehead, not quite sure what else to say, but knowing she had to comfort her. "Raye, whatever happens now, I just want you to promise me you'll follow your heart. If you and Chad are meant to be, like I have a feeling you are, everything will work out fine." A slight smile fell on her lips, and she said, "As much as I love Lita, I've gotta say, she chose one heck of a guy to go after. Who knew the one guy you didn't want her to have would be the one guy who would finally go out with her?"

Raye smiled softly, the light from the room casting a strange glow over her tear-streaked face. The smile widened and soon she was chuckling softly to herself, laughter bubbling up as the full irony of the situation surrounded her, gradually becoming full-blown hysterics. She clutched her sides, tears filling her eyes and Amy just stared at her, not sure what she had said to trigger such a response in her friend and feeling only vaguely concerned for her sanity.

Finally, Raye seemed to calm down a bit, and she smiled at Amy gratefully, if not a little sadly. "You're not kidding, Ames," she said finally. "And boy, I really needed the laugh. Tonight's taken my emotions over one bad hill after another." She sighed, leaning back on her heels on the couch, her eyes never leaving Amy. "This would be so much easier to deal with if Lita weren't my friend. Then, I'd be able to do as I please and not feel guilty about it. If that were the case, you'd better bet I'd fight tooth and nail to get Chad back." She gave Amy a half-smile. "But the problem is, Lita _is_ my friend, and no matter what, I have to support her and be happy for her. And most of all, I have to stay away from Chad. I had my chance with him, and I didn't take it. It's my own fault, and I refuse to have her suffer for it. Tonight was a mistake, one that I won't make again. Chad's simply not an option for me anymore. I'll have to accept that, and just get over him. Do you understand?" Amy nodded slowly, and Raye tried to change the subject. "What are you going to do about Darien?"

Amy shook her head, and looked at her friend. "I'm going to see him tomorrow," she said, "I don't know what'll happen, but I can't leave it like this. He and Serena," she sighed, "as much as he objects, need to find each other in the end. And given how he feels about the situation, it's going to be hard enough making that happen without my interference. No, I _definitely_ can't get involved, no matter what I'm feeling." Raye gave her a look as if to ask what exactly it _was_ she was she was feeling, and Amy shook her head.

"My heart's in a very confused place right now," she said, "I'm not quite sure what I think of him. All I know is he and I can't happen. We're not meant to be."

"Amy," Raye placed her hand on her friend's, "I want you to know I'm here for you, like you are me. As much as I protest him dumping Serena in the first place- and as weird as it is discussing his love life, period- you are my best friend." She smiled softly. "A very smart person once told me, whatever happens, to follow my heart. Before you decide anything, I want you to remember that."

Amy returned the smile, and nodded. "I will," she promised. She hugged her friend again. "Come on, now," she said. "Let's get to sleep. We both have a lot to deal with, and we'll need as much rest as possible."

"Yeah, we do."

***

Gentle snoring from Amy's direction told Raye that her friend was fast asleep. She stared up at the ceiling and wished that sleep would come to her, too.

Her mind was swimming with the memories of only hours before. She could still almost feel the hot press of Chad's lips against her own and his strong arms pulling her against his firm and inviting body. The other part was busy scolding her, over and over.

_~How could I have been so stupid? How could I have succumbed so easily? I'm a horrible, horrible person. I'm weak.~ _

Even so, she couldn't help but remember how he'd looked, shirtless and covered in flour. Or, for that matter, the way he'd washed her face so tenderly. To think of that almost made her swear everything was going to be fine. They _could_ be together. Nothing could come between them. It would be wonderful. It would be perfect. It would be...

_~Stop it!~ _

Raye mentally kicked herself. They _weren't_ going to be together. Not ever, she thought.

_~And I'd better get used to it, too.~ _

Lita was her friend, her ally. She wouldn't do anything to betray her any more than she already had.

_~I've just got to stop thinking about him. I had my chance, and I didn't take it then. It's my own fault I've lost him. Besides, it's not as if I've staked claims on him.~ _

But not thinking about Chad wasn't as easy as it sounded. Thoughts of him had clouded her mind for weeks now, and after this evening's occurrence, the chances of him getting off of her mind were slim to none.

_~How could he have done that? Why did he have to kiss me back?~ _

Sure, there had been countless times that they'd flirted with one another in the past, but Raye had never let it progress much more than that. She'd just always assumed that if she _really_ wanted to be with Chad, she could just say the word, and have him mind, body, and soul.

But that was then, and this was now. And now, being with Chad meant hurting one of her closest friends. Now, a love that at one time could have been cherished without the risk of heartbreak held the chance of doing just that to Lita. Now, everything was complicated.

Raye barely noticed as a tear slipped silently down her cheek.

***

The next morning was even more awkward than the last. Despite Amy's presence, or maybe due to it, tension hung like a thick fog throughout the shrine.

As Amy and Raye crept into the kitchen for something to eat, Chad wasted no time in cleaning up his dishes and hurrying out the door with nothing more than a quick nod in Amy's direction.

"This is really fucked up," Raye muttered after he'd left and they'd prepared their breakfast. She sat down and cradled her head in her hands. Nodding, Amy seated herself next to her friend and placed her steaming bowl of oatmeal on the table before her.

"Things _are_ a little confusing right now, aren't they?" she agreed with a sigh. "When on Earth did everything get so... crazy?" Amy blew softly at the cereal on her spoon to cool it, and then put it in her  
mouth.

"When our lips lost control, that's when," Raye snorted. Amy didn't reply. Instead, she ate another spoonful of her oatmeal.

The girls finished their breakfasts in silence, each of them lost in her own thoughts.

"So, you're going home today?" Raye asked finally. Amy nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I guess. After I speak to Darien, of course." She stood up and grabbed the two empty bowls off of the table. Walking to the other end of the room, she deposited them in the sink. "I'm not looking forward to it, but... like I said last night, we're not meant to be. I can't mess up the future like that." She turned around and forced a small smile.

"But what about him? What happens there?" Raye leaned forward, and looked questioningly at her friend. "You said it yourself- he doesn't want his future decided for him anymore. Isn't he going to do what he wants, regardless of whether it includes you or not?"

Amy hesitated. "You're right. He is bent on the idea of not being controlled anymore. And by not being with him, I'm not going to drive him back into Serena's arms or anything. But," she paused, appearing to be deep in thought, "regardless of all that, I can't possibly become involved with him. I care too much about Serena's well-being, about her feelings. I couldn't hurt her like that."

"At least now _someone_ can relate to how I feel," Raye muttered, recalling her own situation.

"Yeah, I do." Amy paused once again. "But, that's beside the point. He and I... well, it was a mistake, that's all. He needs to know I can't... we can't..." she trailed off.

Her eyes closed, and again she remembered how his lips felt on hers-his arms so firm around her waist.

"I think I know what you're saying," Raye murmured, knocking her out of her reverie. "Isn't life a real bitch? The one man you want is always the one that's just out of reach." A sad smile spread across her face.

It was Amy's turn to interrupt her friend's daydreams. "Raye, are you going to be okay by yourself?" she asked.

Raye waved her away, then stood up to give her friend a hug. "I'll be fine," she sighed. "Besides, how much trouble can I possibly get into with Mr. Congeniality there ignoring me?"

Amy laughed softly. "Not much, I'd wager." She picked up her purse from where she'd lain it and draped it across her shoulder. "Seriously, though, I'd better be going. You have a good day, okay?"

"I'll try, Ames. I really will. Oh, and Ames?" Amy turned around to face her friend. "Take care, okay?"

***

Chad sat at the edge of his bed, softly picking his guitar. He was trying to find the notes, and perhaps compose a tune, that matched the way he was feeling. He wasn't having much luck.

_~To hell with it!~ _

After several futile attempts to unleash his unhappiness in song, he shoved his guitar to his side, and flopped back onto the mattress. Thoughts raced through his mind.

_~Why? Why now? Why not any other time?~ _

The conflict between the emotions he was feeling was almost overwhelming. The previous evening's events had opened the flood gates, releasing all of the feelings for Raye he'd spent weeks trying to suppress. He was angry. Angry at Raye, angry at himself, and mostly, angry at the circumstances that had brought him to this point.

One little kiss. That's all it took to turn his life upside down. Just a few seconds, and he had betrayed Lita, and most of all, himself.

He didn't understand. Did Raye care for him? Was she toying with him? Did he mean anything to her? With a sigh, he remembered the words she had spoken to him the night before.

_~"You know we can't do this again. Ever."~ _

He understood that she and Lita were friends; understood that Raye didn't want to be responsible for hurting her. But what about Chad's feelings on this issue? Didn't _they_ mean anything to Raye?

Chad thought about it. What _were_ his feelings in this matter? After all, he did care about Lita- she was a beautiful, sweet girl. Kind, caring- everything he wanted in a woman. She just wasn't Raye, and that was the problem. He wanted to be with Raye,  
_~"This didn't happen."~_  
but that just couldn't be. He could see that now.

He sat up on the bed, and ran a finger softly over the varnished wood of his guitar. If Raye could pretend that that wonderful moment hadn't happened- if she could somehow convince herself that they hadn't shared what they'd shared, well, then so could he. He'd stay on the path he was on now, he decided- he'd stay with Lita. After all, she did make him happy. She was gorgeous, talented, sexy- perhaps, in time, he would even grow to love her. Maybe, he thought, she was just the thing he needed to forget Raye. To forget all the love he'd poured into every moment he spent with her... to forget all the pain she'd caused him.

For what must have been the millionth time, the scene in the bathroom replayed in his mind. Once again, he could feel her small frame, pressed against his; tiny hands on his waist. The hot, hungry feel of her tongue probing his mouth. The smell of almonds. For a fleeting moment, he was there again. He could taste her, he could smell her. He could hold her.

But the feeling was temporary. Gradually, the memory began to fade, and Chad once again became aware of his surroundings. He was in his room, sitting on his bed. No longer could he taste Raye on his lips; instead, he tasted salt.

Chad swiped at his face with the back of his hand. He'd been crying.

***

The floor beneath Amy's feet shifted and trembled, signaling the elevator she was in had begun its three-floor ascent. With a trembling hand, she flicked a lock of blue sapphire hair out of her  
eyes and sighed.

_~Why am I so nervous?~_ she wondered as the lift slowly climbed up to Darien's floor. Ever since she'd left Raye's home earlier that morning, she'd been shaking from head to foot, terrified at the idea of what she had to do that day. _~It's a very simple matter. All I have to do is tell him...~_

Tell him what? Amy didn't even know what she was going to say. She knew that the kiss they had shared the previous day shouldn't have happened- that much was obvious. And she was fairly certain that she needed to keep her distance from him in order to prevent such a thing from happening again. But to put that into words, and say that to him- Amy didn't know if she could. She felt embarrassed, shy, and just a little bit scared of how he was going to react.

_~He'll understand, I'm sure he will~_ Amy told herself. _~We'll probably wind up laughing about the whole thing. In fact, he probably hasn't even thought about it since then.~_

Amy sighed at the thought. "Unlike me," she said aloud. Ever since she'd been held in the arms of the Earth Prince, she'd thought about it. Thought about the scent of his skin and the taste of his mouth. She shivered at the memory of his lips on hers and mentally slapped herself for enjoying it.

_~Stop it, Amy! Or you'll never be able to do this!~ _

The elevator doors opened with a metallic 'ping', and Amy closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. _~Okay, girl. It's now or never~_ she told herself, stepping out into the hallway. With a slow, hesitant walk, she strolled towards the door of Darien's apartment.

She recalled how Darien had sounded over the intercom as he'd buzzed her in only moments earlier. He'd sounded cheerful- genuinely happy to have her there. Which just made it that much harder to tell him what it was she had to say.

"It's show time," Amy said aloud, taking a shuddering breath. She was now standing directly in front of Darien's door.

_~Let's do this thing,~ _

With a sigh, Amy reached up and knocked.

***

Darien was hurriedly running gel through his hair when he heard Amy's knock at the door.

_~She's here!~_ he thought instinctively, only to immediately chastise himself mentally for being so eager.

He stared at the door.

Ever since their encounter the day before, he hadn't been able to get her out of his mind. He'd had such a terrific time at lunch with her- a better time than he'd ever had on any date with Serena. Amy was so bright, sophisticated, and sweet. Her interests coordinated with his own so well- it was as if they were of one mind.

He couldn't wait to see her again.

Darien recalled the simpatico he'd felt with her when she, unlike any of her friends before her, accepted and forgave his reasons for ending his thousand-year relationship with Serena. Never before had he felt so understood by someone. Amy was unlike any other girl he'd ever known before.

She was amazing.

It was because of this that he found himself wearing his best cologne and nicest shirt when she'd paged him over the intercom, asking to be let up.

_~I hope I didn't sound a little too eager when I answered~_ he thought idly to himself as he wiped his gel-sticky hands on a towel. _~Ah, well- too late to worry about that now.~_

No, now wasn't the time for worry. Now was the time for answering doors and for greeting a beautiful girl. And now was the time for composing himself before he did either.

Taking a moment to sweep his apartment over with his eyes- making sure the place was spotless- Darien grinned and opened the door.

He looked absolutely fantastic.

The spicy scent of a man's cologne greeted her before the door even fully opened, and suddenly Darien was there, smiling down at her in a way that made her heart flutter.

"Amy, hi."

He had groomed himself well before this visit, Amy could see that. He smelled amazing for one thing, and instead of his usual, more casual clothing, he sported a very nice grey dress shirt and pair of black pants. Everything about him was immaculate, and for a moment, Amy could have sworn she'd lost all ability to speak.

"Come on in."

She barely had time to react, before he ushered her into his apartment with a gentle guiding hand at the small of her back. Finally, after what seemed like ages, she found her tongue.

"Darien, there's something I need to talk to you about."

Darien nodded, the grin he'd worn since he'd greeted her never leaving his face. Amy smiled at him gratefully as he accepted her jacket and hung it up for her. "Of course, Amy, anything you'd  
like." He gestured to the sofa behind him. "Make yourself comfortable."

She obliged and seated herself on the couch, as once again, Darien stretched out in the armchair across from her. The smell of his cologne wrapped itself around her senses, and she looked at him with quiet wonder, taking in the differences in his appearance and demeanor since the day before.

His hair had been styled differently than usual- more carefully- Amy observed. The long strands that too often clouded his eyes had been pulled back and coaxed into place with generous amounts of hair gel.

_~Is this all... for me?~ _

Darien leaned forward in his seat, his eyes locking with her own in a penetrating stare. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, ever since yesterday," he said softly. "I'm so glad you're finally here... I mean, I couldn't wait to see you again." A tender look washed over his face as he gazed at her, and Amy shifted uncomfortably.

_~He just *had* to say something like that, didn't he?~ _

It wasn't enough that she was tremendously attracted to him; or that he'd gone to all the trouble of making himself look even sexier than usual. No, on top of everything, with all the different factors that made this conversation difficult, Darien had to open his mouth and say something so damned sweet.

The bastard.

_~Come on, Amy, this isn't the time to lose your nerve. Just tell him that yesterday was a mistake- that you can't see him again.~ _

"I- uh." Amy paused. She closed her eyes, and inhaled, feeling the spicy scent of him wrap around her lungs.

_~I can't do this!~  
~You'd better!~ _

"About yesterday, Darien. We need to talk about what happened after lunch," Amy began slowly.

The tone of her voice told Darien all he needed to know about what she planned on saying next, and for the first time since she'd arrived, his smile faded. "You mean, when we kissed?"

Another pause. "Yes, when we kissed." Amy sighed, and rubbed her forehead, above her right eye. "Darien, I crossed the line. I never should have done that with you, I mean, Serena's my friend and-"

"-And you don't want to hurt her. I know Amy." Darien stood up and walked over to a large window across the room. Staring at the city beyond, he didn't say anything for a moment. "I really should have seen this coming." His tone was soft, and Amy felt a pang of sadness deep inside.

"I'm sorry, Darien. I never meant to lead you on in any way. I let my emotions take control, and before I knew it... I should have thought, is all. I should have thought about Serena, and how she would feel if she found out. I just didn't think... I didn't think." Amy paused, unsure of what else to say. There were several moments of silence where neither of them said a word. Finally, Darien spoke.

"Amy don't you ever listen to your heart?" Darien turned his back to the window he'd been gazing out of and faced her. "Not everything in life is about rational thought. You keep saying that you didn't think, and I understand that. I understand that you don't want Serena to find out- that you don't want to hurt a close friend. I realize that there are about a million reasons why rationally, logically, we should never be together, and why we should have never kissed each other in the street yesterday." He began walking towards her, and Amy stood up to meet him.

"It's true, Darien. There are a million reasons. And it's because of those reasons that I came here today. Forget about the fact that I haven't stopped thinking about you since then, and that memories of you  
haunted my dreams the entire night afterward. Forget about those things, because they're irrelevant. These reasons you mentioned, the million reasons- they're why I'm here right now. Darien, I don't think  
that I should spend any more time alone with you."

"Why Amy?" Darien reached down, and grabbed her hand, holding it in his much larger one. "Are you afraid? Afraid of what will happen if you do?"

_~I'm afraid I'll fall in love with you...~ _

_~I'm terrified.~ _

"Yes, I am. There's no telling what could happen, and I don't think that-" Amy stammered, avoiding his gaze. She couldn't look at him. She didn't want to think of what could happen if she did.

He smelled so damn good.

"There you go again, Amy. Trying to rely on what your mind's telling you; trying to do the smart thing. You're always trying to do the smart thing." Keeping her one hand in his, he reached out with the other, and placed it on her chest, just above her heart. "But yesterday, when I held you, when we kissed, what did you feel in _here_? In your heart? Because if your heart told you it was right, then those million reasons I spoke of- those million reasons why it shouldn't have happened- don't matter."

Darien gently removed his hand from her chest, and placed it around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Every cell in Amy's brain told her to struggle, to break away, and yet she didn't. Instead, she allowed herself to be pulled closer to him.

_~I can't fight you.~ _

He dropped her hand, and Amy felt a gentle caress on the side of her chin, forcing her to look at him. Blue eyes met her own as he stared at her with a softness Amy had never felt before.

_~I'm screwed.~ _

"For years, Amy, I've watched you. I've seen you grow into the beautiful young woman you are today. I've marveled at your depth, and your intelligence. For five years, I've stood on the sidelines, drawn to you because of the things we've had in common. Yesterday, I was dejected and alone. Then you showed up- you with your compassion and your understanding- and all of the pain I've been feeling went away. I don't know what this is, Amy. It's crazy. But I'm completely mad about you."

Amy didn't know what to say, so she just stared at him. His eyes had become little pools of light, and she was drowning in them. She couldn't breathe. Gods, she was going to die.

The hand on her chin released its grip, and Darien reached up, tenderly tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ears. His gaze never left her own.

"Amy, please. Of all the things about you, I love your intelligence best. But now isn't the time to rely on reason." The hand moved to the back of her head, and suddenly, he was pulling her towards him. Gently, his mouth found her own,  
_~I'm going straight to Hell...~_  
and Amy didn't resist. She could feel the room spinning around her, and she was dizzy. She was going to fall down,  
_~... but I don't care.~_  
and there was no way he would ever catch her. This was ecstasy, this was rapture.

This was bliss.

***

The cup of steaming hot tea had now turned lukewarm. Raye held the cup between her palms and stared at her reflection in the murky liquid.

She had remained relatively motionless since Amy's departure that morning. The sun, which had then been just peeking out between the trees, had now risen high into the sky.

She hadn't noticed how much time had passed.

_~I've been an idiot.~ _

Thoughts and realizations had filled her head during the past few hours, and now, gazing at her contorted features in the teacup, Raye felt a sense of purpose gather itself within her.

She'd been quite the fickle one throughout the past month, it had only now occurred to her. Ever since Lita and Chad had begun dating, she'd floundered back and forth between wanting Chad all for herself and pushing her feelings aside for the sake of her friend's happiness. From day one, she'd felt this tug of inner conflict, and now, she was getting sick of it.

_~I'm tired of being so unsure.~ _

Raye wanted Chad, but she wanted Lita to be happy. She wanted Lita to have love, but she wanted Chad. This vicious cycle had repeated itself over and over throughout the past weeks, putting a horrible strain on her.

_~I want to make a decision. I want to be resolute.~ _

Chad had given up on her, simple as that. The chase was over. Perhaps that's what Raye missed the most. She had to admit, she'd always loved the attention Chad had bestowed upon her, but those days were through. Raye needed to grow up, and move on, and she was only now finally becoming aware of this.

_~I'll be okay, I know it.~ _

The reflection in Raye's cup forced a smile, and she chuckled to herself dryly.

It wasn't as if she didn't have things to look forward to, after all. College would be starting in another month, and before that, Christmas was coming. She had tons of things to plan for, to work out. After all, there were books to buy, registrations to complete, and gifts to be shopped for. She had plenty to do to keep herself busy. Who needed a boyfriend with all these distractions?

With this new sense of awareness, Raye decided that it would be for the best just to let her feelings go and be happy that Lita and Chad had found each other. After all, a new set of opportunities were just beyond the horizon for her. And with that came an infinite set of possibilities.

_~It's time to move on.~ _

With a sigh, Raye stood up. Walking across the kitchen, she placed her cup of now-cold tea in the sink.

***

_~It's really quite a pretty ring.~ _

Amy sat curled up on the edge of her sofa, her mind reeling from the events of that afternoon. With Darien's kisses still burning on her lips, she twirled her ring around her finger, all the while  
thinking of what she was going to tell Greg.

He'd given her the ring two years before, on their anniversary. It was supposed to symbolize their commitment to one another, but to Amy, it simply reminded her of the eternal, repetitive circle that was their relationship.

_~I hope he's not going to be too upset.~ _

Amy thought back to only two days earlier, when she'd longed for something more exciting to happen to her life, and mused at how abruptly her wish had come true.

She still couldn't believe what had happened that day.

_~So much for my resolve.~_ she laughed at herself.

After much discussion, one thing had become remarkably clear that day: she and Darien wanted to be together. It was as simple as that. How they would go about it was another story.

The two of them had decided that, at least for the time being, it was best to keep their relationship a secret from their friends, lest people wind up unnecessarily hurt. Amy cringed at the thought of Serena learning of their relationship and vowed to herself that she would do anything in her power to prevent it from happening prematurely. Perhaps, in time, when she'd gotten more over the  
breakup...

Amy pushed those thoughts out of her mind. She didn't want to worry about that now. She was too elated and too overwhelmed to think about anything but Darien and the things he'd said to her that day. No one had ever made Amy feel so good about herself, not even Greg.

Poor Greg.

Amy twisted the ring off of her finger, and stared at it for a moment before placing it on the end table next to her. That done, she reached for the phone, and dialed Greg's number.

***

It was a cold night, but Amy didn't feel so much as a chill. Her hair was damp with sweat, but she didn't notice that either. All she felt at that moment was peace, comfort, and happiness.

With a sigh of content, Amy pulled a bedsheet further up her body, and shifted slightly on the bed. She could have stayed there forever.

"Are you okay?".

Amy smiled to herself as her 'pillow' moved beneath her, and she tilted her head just enough to make eye contact with Darien.

"I'm fine," she said softly. "Just thinking to myself,".

It had been a wonderful evening. Amy couldn't remember the last time she'd enjoyed herself so much on a date. It was possible she never had. A poetry reading, coffee, and a trip to the theatre had certainly beaten her usual ritual of dinner and a movie, and for that she was more that ecstatic. Darien seemed to know what she liked- and to enjoy it himself- which Amy absolutely loved.

Everything had gone smoothly, Amy thought. Since everything they'd done together had been of a more intellectual nature, they hadn't worried about running into any of Amy's friends whatsoever. "Tonight was good," she murmured into Darien's chest.

A deep rumbling echoed in her ears as he chuckled, and she wrapped her arm even tighter around him. "It was great, as far as first dates go." He agreed. "Though I can't imagine why it wouldn't have been. I would have enjoyed doing absolutely anything, as long as I was with you." His fingers intertwined in hers briefly, and he stared at them as they moved in an erotic dance.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Amy couldn't help but smile at his subject change, and she shook her head, using her legs to pull herself even closer to him.

It was true, the evening had been magical and perfect. But no part of it could compare to when they'd returned to his apartment. Amy couldn't place it, but there was something so seductive about this man, so inherently sexual. Their intent had been nothing more than to trade innocent kisses, but something had happened between them- a spark had been lit. Before Amy knew it, she was caught up in a fit of frenzied lovemaking, the likes of which she never knew could exist. Darien's tenderness extended even to the bedroom, making him a fantastic lover.

After they'd spent every last drop of energy they possessed ravishing one another, they'd curled up together under a sheet, reveling in the simple touch of one another's skin.

Even now, Amy pressed her ear against Darien's chest, feeling the slow, heavy 'thump thump' of his heartbeat vibrate against her cheek.

_~I could listen to this forever.~ _

"No, Darien. You didn't hurt me." Amy ran a hand through her hair and leaned forward to kiss Darien's adam's apple. She paused then, before sitting up in the bed. "To tell you the truth," she said  
carefully, "It wasn't my first time." A part of Amy was terrified at how he was going to react.

"It wasn't?" Darien smiled and pulled her to him, wrapping his strong arms around her waist. "Silly me," he said teasingly. Here I was thinking of you as little innocent Amy."

Amy hesitated, and Darien kissed her on the top of her head. "It was with Greg," she said finally. "A little over a year ago." She paused, and Darien nodded for her to continue, running his hands through her hair.

"That long ago?" he said softly. "I'd always assumed you would have wanted to wait."

"I did want to, a long time ago. I don't know why I didn't, even to this day. My reasons for it were stupid, I suppose. I can see that now." Amy snuggled closer to him, feeling the rough surface of his unshaven face against her forehead. "Seeing the future has had an effect on us too, you know," she said finally. "For you, the future meant a wife, and a daughter. It meant ruling a wonderful kingdom. For us, it was different."

"How so?" Darien asked. He kissed her again on the forehead. He'd been doing such things all evening, unable to keep himself from touching her for too long.

"For the girls and I, seeing our futures meant seeing that we had nothing in store for us. None of us seemed to have children, or a husband. All we knew of our future selves was that we protected your family. In the future, we lived for your family. And that was all." Amy breathed in deeply, and could smell the sweat that still lingered on the both of them. "I guess seeing that made us all want to treasure the relationships we have in the present- it made us want to hoard all the love we possibly could now, before that lonely future hit."

Darien, ran his hand down Amy's spine gently, in a relaxing massage motion. "I never realized how it affected you all, too," he said finally.

Amy smiled softly, and kissed him. "It did," she said simply. "For the other girls, they all tried to find love where they could, but me, I already had a boyfriend. I had Greg. I guess, if I hadn't learned of my future, the two of us would have broken up long ago. But thefact that I was so scared of the future- that I was so scared of being alone- I guess I put everything I had into keeping that relationship together. About a year ago, he and I started having some serious troubles, and at the time, I thought sex would solve all of our problems." She sighed. "It's stupid logic, I know. But I thought that if we had that physical connection, it would bond us somehow and keep our relationship together."

"It didn't work, obviously," Darien said.

"Oh no, it worked, at least for a while. He and I were together, after all, until I broke up with him a few days ago." Amy grinned and poked Darien in the ribs. "Thanks to you."

"The poor guy, look at what he's missing out on." Darien smiled sleepily. "How did he take it, when you ended it, by the way?"

Amy, feeling tired herself, pulled a blanket over the both of them and propped her head up on Darien's chest. "He took it pretty well," she said, making herself comfortable. "I suppose you could say he saw it coming."

***

_::The world has turned to ice, and it is splitting apart. One by one, the Sailor Scouts, trapped in statues of ice are smashed, and splintered. Sailor Mars is able to utter only a muffled yell before her life is snuffed out. Sailor Mercury screams in remorse. _

_Out in the distance, there is a shimmering light, the light of the Silver Crystal. Pulsing to the beat of the shattering bodies, the light grows stronger, and stronger, washing over the dead and the wounded. A brief sense of hope flickers dim in the minds of everyone- it can still be okay, Sailor Moon has come to save us. _

_We'll be fine. _

_Suddenly, over the horizon, there comes a grey mist. It swirls around the frozen buildings, washes over the terrified ice statues. Choking, enveloping, disrupting, it covers everything. The light of the Silver Crystal pulses with the message, ~Tuxedo Mask, I need you!~ _

_Over and over the message pulses, and over and over the message is ignored. The grey mist blankets the Silver Crystal's light. All goes dark. Everything is dying. _

_As the last vestiges of consciousness fade away, the Silver Crystal lights up just long enough to illuminate two forms huddled together amidst a huge block of ice. _

_Sailor Mercury, and Tuxedo Mask.:: _

_~Nooooooo!!!!!~ _

Amy's eyes snapped open as the horrible nightmare she'd been having finally subsided.

"What the heck was that?" she whispered aloud, sitting up in bed. A cold sweat covered her entire body, and she was freezing.

_~A nightmare? But why?~ _

The dream had been disturbing, that was for certain. Amy turned and looked at the sleeping Darien, trying to decide if she should wake him or not. Was it really worth it?

Amy ran her hands rapidly up her arms, trying to rub away the gooseflesh that had suddenly covered them. She'd never had a dream like that before. What did it mean?

_~It probably didn't mean a thing, silly.~_ she chided herself. _~Nightmares happen. They don't have to make sense. Go back to sleep.~ _

That _was_ the rational thing to do. Still shaking, Amy yawned and snuggled up close to Darien's sleeping form.

It would be a long time before she fell asleep again.

* * *

The End, Chapter Four

AN: Standard disclaimer applies.

This story is dedicated to all the authors out there that have taken a chance and refused to be bound by the traditional rules. It's for those writers who've crashed through barriers and put out fanfiction that is just a little bit different. For all of you, I offer this humble piece of work. I hope one day, I'll be more like you.

It's also for Moon Senshi, our fabulous editor. Thanks for your help, girl! The end result was well worth the time it took you to finish.


	6. Part Two- Calm Before The Storm

[mercuryblue_22@hotmail.com]  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
I will meet you in some place  
Where the light lends itself to soft repose  
I will let you undress me   
But I warn you, I have thorns like any rose  
And you could hurt me with your bare hands  
You could hurt me using the sharp end of what you say  
But I am lost to you now  
There's no amount of reason to save me  
  
So break me  
Take me  
Just let me fill your arms again  
Break me  
I'll let you make me  
Just let me feel your love again  
  
Feels like being underwater  
Now that I've let go and lost control  
Water kisses fill my mouth  
Water fills my soul  
  
Kiss me once  
Well maybe twice  
Oh, it never felt so nice  
  
~Break Me  
Jewel  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
Altered State, book one  
"Tonight, Tonight"  
by Mercury Blue  
--------------------------------------------  
  
  
Part Two- The Second Month  
  
Chapter Five-  
The Calm Before The Storm  
  
  
No human creature can give orders to love.  
  
I suppose the old adage is true- the heart cannot choose to whom it  
gives its affection. The expression certainly seems to apply in this  
case, does it not?  
  
Of course it does. After all, if we could control our emotions, and  
pick who we love, I wouldn't be in the situation I am in now. Nor  
would the people whose story I've been telling.  
  
Take Raye, for example. If she had control over who she loved, she  
wouldn't be dealing with the internal conflict of feelings that have  
been constantly plaguing her. She would have forgotten Chad and  
easily dealt with his new relationship with Lita.  
  
The same goes for Amy. In any other reality, in any other time  
(Time- there's that word again!), she would have never attempted a  
relationship with Darien. Even now, if she could control her feelings,  
she most certainly would. But the heart cannot be told how to  
feel; the heart is its own master.  
  
And so, Time passed, as Time always does, and throughout it, Amy and  
Darien are together. For one month, they've been able to hide their  
relationship from their friends, and for one month...  
  
They've been falling in love.  
  
It would be beautiful, if it weren't so detrimental.  
  
Then there's Raye, of course. The newly-past month has been eventful  
for her as well. Forcing her feelings deep inside, she's been able to  
use this time to restore her relationship with Chad nearly to the  
solidity it had been before he'd started dating Lita. On that front,   
all seems to be well.  
  
All *seems* to be well.  
  
But I'm rambling now, aren't I? I do suppose it's time to continue  
on with our little story. Now, where shall I pick it up?  
  
Ah.  
  
I know.  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
  
The world was a blank canvas of shimmering white snow. Raye exhaled  
heavily, watching in wonder as her newly visible breath twirled before  
her eyes in metaphysical ballet.  
  
~Everything looks so majestic,~ she thought to herself, leaning on  
the handle of her snow shovel.  
  
It had snowed a good six inches the night before, according to the  
local weather stations, and after working for over an hour to clear the  
many walkways in front of the shrine, Raye finally allowed herself to  
be distracted by the near-perfection that only a fresh blanket of snow  
could provide.  
  
She loved winter. It was absolutely her favorite time of the year.  
Everything seemed so tranquil when it was frozen over. Flowers  
disappeared, trees shed their leaves; even humanity seemed to slow  
down and hibernate, as if waiting for spring when life would again be  
reborn.  
  
The world seemed a cleaner place when covered in snow. That's how  
Raye had always felt. The ground, the buildings, the trees. Even the  
air seemed fresher- cleaner, somehow- during the winter months.  
  
It was because of this love of winter that Raye took a break from  
shoveling to gaze in awe at the beautiful wonderland that surrounded  
her. With a soft smile, she thought to herself that the shrine grounds  
were never as lovely as when they were covered with an untouched layer  
of pure, virgin snow.  
  
"Raye!"  
  
Raye's momentary trance was interrupted when she heard her name being  
called. Turning in the direction of the voice, she saw Chad jogging  
towards her, cutting a path through the smooth layer of snow she'd just  
been admiring.  
  
~So much for small pleasures,~ she thought to herself with a roll of  
the eyes.  
  
"What do you need, Chad?" she asked, regarding him with a humorless  
smile. She had to admit to being just a little annoyed with him- he  
was supposed to be helping her shovel.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Raye," he said apologetically. "I got a little  
distracted. See, Lita called and-" he stopped abruptly, and the two of  
them shared a moment of awkward silence.  
  
Over a month had passed since the movie gathering at her home; when   
the two of them had shared that fateful kiss in the bathroom. Things   
were nearly back to normal between the two of them.  
  
That didn't stop them from feeling uncomfortable discussing Chad's  
relationship.  
  
"Well," he continued finally. "I'm just sorry. I didn't mean to  
take that long." Chad leaned forward and plucked the snow shovel from  
Raye's hands. "But don't worry Raye," he said. "I'll finish up here."  
  
Raye rolled her eyes again, and took her shovel back. "Go get your  
own shovel," she said with a sigh. "We'll finish this together." Chad  
shot her a grateful look and ran to the shed to fetch a shovel for  
himself.  
  
~That guy is absolutely hopeless,~ Raye chuckled to herself, and   
tossed several piles of snow to the side. She was just about to reach  
for yet another shovelful when she heard her name being called.  
  
"Raye, how's it going?"  
  
Lita ascended the stairs two at a time, smiling behind a pair of rosy  
cheeks. She waved a mittened hand in greeting, and Raye nodded in  
acknowledgment. "I'm okay," she replied, wiping a strand of hair from  
her sweaty brow. "Nothing like a bit of physical labor to start your  
day, right?"  
  
The brunette laughed in agreement and then looked around her. "You  
wouldn't happen to know where my boyfriend is," she asked, adjusting  
the pair of earmuffs she wore.  
  
Raye flinched at the reference and waved towards the shed that Chad  
had disappeared into. "He's in there," she told her friend. "He's  
looking for a snow-shovel."  
  
"Oh, so he's busy?" Lita looked disappointed, and for the first time  
Raye noticed she had a pair of skates draped over her shoulder. "Darn  
it."  
  
"Well, he did promise to help me shovel the walks," Raye said. A  
confused look passed over her face, and she raised an eyebrow at Lita.  
"Wait, didn't you just get off the phone with him?"  
  
Lita seemed to blush a bit, and she shot Raye a warm smile. "Well,  
yes," she admitted. "But no sooner did I hang up the phone, then I  
realized that this is the perfect weather to go skating." She gestured  
to the skates she held. "So I grabbed my skates, and ran right over."  
  
Chad chose that moment to reappear from the shed, sans shovel.  
  
"Raye, I couldn't find-" he began. Then he caught sight of Lita  
standing next to her. "Lita, what are you doing here?".  
  
"I came to see if you wanted to go ice skating with me," his  
girlfriend replied. "But I see that Raye's busy monopolizing your  
time." She tossed a pout in Raye's direction, and Raye threw up her  
hands in defeat.  
  
"Fine, Lita. Take him away. Ice skate all day, for all I care. I  
just hope you feel good about yourself when my fingers fall off from  
shoveling snow by myself all day."  
  
Lita gave a little squeal of joy, and threw her arms around Raye, who  
didn't look very amused. "Oh, Raye," she gurgled. "You're the best!"  
  
Chad frowned. "I don't know, Lita. I mean, I *did* promise Raye I'd  
help her and-"  
  
"Come on, Chad!" Lita interrupted. "Raye said she was okay with it,  
didn't you, Raye?"  
  
Raye shrugged in response. "I suppose I did, didn't I?"  
  
"See? It's okay, Chad." He hesitated.  
  
"Argh," Raye groaned. "Would you just get out of here before I  
change my mind?" She waved her shovel at them in mock attack.  
"Now, get out of here!".  
  
Chad shot her a bright smile and told Lita to wait while he got  
his skates. Within minutes, they were on their way, leaving Raye  
to deal with that day's chores alone.  
  
"See you later, Raye!" Chad and Lita waved at her as the headed  
down the steps together, and she waved back, smiling tightly.  
  
She couldn't help but feel a little resentful.  
  
  
* * *  
  
Lavender-scented steam danced throughout the room in gossamer wisps,  
filling Amy's lungs as she savored the delicate fragrance. Gentle  
fingers of condensation traced the surface of everything it touched,  
blocking out the mirror and covering both the porcelain toilet and  
brass doorknobs.  
  
A frothy mass of snow-white bubbles filled the tub in which Amy  
sleepily reclined, threatening to spill over with every move she made.  
With a sigh, she cradled a fragile nest of the tiny bubbles in her  
hand and softly blew at them, sending them scattered in graceful  
flight across the room.  
  
~I could stay here forever.~  
  
Amy reached for the washcloth next to her and dipped it in the soapy  
water. With another sigh, she ran the washcloth lazily across her  
throat and over her breasts, smiling as little droplets of water slid  
down her body, tickling her.  
  
Well aware that she *should* be getting out soon, Amy simply couldn't  
bear to drag herself out of her place of comfort. To her, there was  
nothing more relaxing- more *soothing*, really- than a good, long bath.  
  
~And the gods only know, I could use the comfort right now.~  
  
Sighing again, Amy tried not to remind herself of exactly *why* she  
needed the comfort. She really didn't want to think about it... about  
the dreams.  
  
Those horrible dreams.  
  
She'd been having them for nearly a month now, every single night.  
Nightmares, really. Terrible visions of despair- of destruction.  
Despite Amy's intelligence, it didn't take a genius to understand what  
their purpose was. The dreams were of the future, or rather, the  
possible future.  
  
Amy shuddered as she remembered the sight of all of her friends  
dying in front of her. The dreams were meant to scare her, that was  
for sure. They seemed to show events occurring in the time directly  
before the imminent Great Freeze- the freeze that would eventually lead  
to the founding of the future Crystal Tokyo. She recalled the horror  
she felt every night at the sight of the Silver Crystal- that  
miraculous crystal- pulsing in impotent despair. Calling out for help.  
Pleading.  
  
~Try not to think about it.~  
  
But it wasn't that easy. Amy was no idiot; she knew exactly why the  
dreams had been plaguing her, and why, for the life of her, she  
couldn't push them away and forget about them.  
  
It was because she'd been with him.  
  
Darien.  
  
As she thought his name, Amy smiled softly, the dreams temporarily  
forgotten. Leaning forward, she plucked the plug from its home in the  
drain and stood up carefully. Tiny clusters of bubbles still kissed  
her soap-slick body as she stepped out of the tub and wrapped a fluffy  
towel around her slender frame. It was about time she started getting  
ready, she thought to herself. After all, tonight would be a special  
night.  
  
Amy finished drying herself and dropped the towel at her feet,  
tugging a worn bathrobe from a hook on the wall. Wrapping it around  
her, she stepped towards the bathroom counter and glanced at her  
distorted visage in the clouded mirror. One month.  
  
She could hardly believe it, really. But a quick glance at her wall  
calendar after she'd awakened that morning had confirmed it- that day  
would mark exactly one month from the time she and Darien had decided  
to start the secret relationship that they still shared. Amy could   
still remember the last time she'd spoken to him about the subject.  
  
He'd been the one to bring it up, actually, much to Amy's surprise.  
She hadn't expected him to remember such a thing. But only the week  
before, while at a local art exhibit, he'd crept behind her. Wrapping  
his arms around her waist, he'd whispered in her ear.  
  
~"One more week, Amy. You know what that means, don't you?"~  
  
Amy knew. She would never admit it, but from the moment the two of  
them had started dating, she'd kept track of every intimate detail. A  
small leather-bound diary (kept under her mattress for privacy) held  
every romantic and erotic moment shared between the two of them from  
the very beginning. Darien would have most certainly laughed if he  
knew that only the day previous, right under the details of an exciting  
night at the opera, Amy had written in bold, heavy strokes: Only one  
day until the anniversary. She'd even underlined it.  
  
Now, standing in a whirling cloud of flower-scented steam, Amy used  
her finger to trace a heart in the condensation that covered the  
mirror.  
  
The two of them had plans for that night, of course; though of what  
those plans consisted, Amy had no idea. Darien had been very hushed  
about them as of late. The only information he would relay to her was  
that she should wear the finest dress she owned. It would not be a  
casual affair.  
  
Chuckling at the thought, Amy picked up a comb from the counter,  
running it through her damp hair in smooth, even strokes. She had to  
admit, her curiosity was piqued by his secrecy. Besides that, she  
found it sweet- even charming- that he was so involved in his plans for  
celebration. It made her feel as though she were truly cared about.  
Loved, even.  
  
Loved.  
  
Amy frowned and set the comb back down. Once again, memories  
of her dreams assailed her, and for a moment, she felt faint. If her  
visions were accurate, if being with Darien in the future meant losing  
all those she cared about... well, that simply couldn't be. As much as  
Amy cared for him- as much as she desperately loved being with him-  
this relationship couldn't be anything more than a short-time thing.  
She wouldn't dare *love* him; she couldn't. And he certainly couldn't  
love her. They simply couldn't risk it.  
  
~I'm sure he realizes that,~ Amy thought to herself. ~He must.~  
  
Lifting her head, Amy caught sight of the lopsided heart she'd  
scrawled on the fogged-up mirror. It was silly. Childish, really.  
That night was to be a celebration of a wonderfully fun, exciting  
month. It wasn't about *love*, not in the least.  
  
It *couldn't* be.  
  
Sighing to herself, Amy reached up and ran her hand across the  
surface of the mirror, wiping away the small doodle. Catching the eyes  
of her reflection in the now clear surface, she forced a small smile.  
She didn't want to think about such things anymore. After all, she  
still needed to get ready for whatever magical evening Darien had  
planned.  
  
Amy's smile widened as, once again, thoughts of him cheered her  
instantly. It was going to be an amazing night.  
  
She couldn't wait.  
  
  
* * *  
  
Raye opened the door to the shed with a sigh and leaned the snow  
shovel she'd been using against the door. "Finally done," she muttered  
to herself, pulling off the gloves she wore with her teeth. With a  
slight groan of pain, she cracked her neck and reached back to rub the  
burning muscles of her shoulders with an ice-cold hand.  
  
A glance at her watch told her she'd been at work for over two hours,  
and she sighed as she turned to examine the now-clear walkways. It had  
been a bitch of a job, and Raye felt a pang of relief for having  
finished at all.  
  
~That guy owes me big time.~  
  
Trudging back towards the living quarters of the shrine, Raye stomped  
her feet to clear her boots of the excess snow that covered them. "I  
hope *he's* having fun," she grumbled as she dusted a layer of snow  
from her jacket.  
  
Raye could remember a time, not too long ago, when she had always  
been able to count on Chad. But lately, he'd been distracted and for  
the most part, absent. It seemed to Raye that whenever an opportunity  
for the two of them to work together arose, he would be off somewhere  
with Lita, nowhere to be found.  
  
While she was glad that her friendship with Chad seemed to be  
restoring itself, and even more pleased that Lita seemed so happy, Raye  
couldn't help but resent the time Chad was spending away from the  
shrine. Despite the events that had occurred between the two of them,  
she still needed his help. She wished he would be around more often.  
  
~I know he's moving on,~ Raye thought to herself. ~But does he have  
to distance himself so much?~  
  
With a shiver, Raye pulled an elastic from the ponytail she wore, and  
shook her hair free. She was exhausted. All she wanted to do was put  
on some warm clothes and...  
  
The sudden ringing of the telephone jolted Raye from her thoughts,  
and she picked up her pace, shrugging out of her coat as she went.  
When she reached the entrance, she kicked off her wet boots and flew  
inside, grappling for the phone with cold and soggy hands.  
  
"Hello?" She managed to answer it on the fourth ring and held her  
breath, hoping that the caller was still there.  
  
"Raye? Hi, it's Mina." Raye breathed a sigh of relief into the  
phone. "Is this a bad time?".  
  
Barely suppressing a chuckle, Raye rolled her eyes. Her friend  
seemed to have a real knack for calling when she was busy outside. "No  
Mina, it's fine," she replied with a smile. "What's up?"  
  
  
* * *  
  
"I don't remember ever sucking this bad."  
  
Chad reached for Lita's hand gratefully and chuckled at himself as  
she pulled him from the ice. "Am I ever pathetic." Dusting a layer of  
snow and ice from the butt of his jeans, he caught Lita smiling at him,  
a wicked glint in her eyes.  
  
"I thought you said you were good at this," Lita laughed, wrapping an  
arm around his waist to prop him up. Chad shook his head, his own  
laughter joining hers.  
  
"I haven't done this in a while," he told her, a wide grin on his  
face. Lita smiled and pulled away from him, leaving him teetering by  
himself on the ice.  
  
"It's not that hard," she told him, gliding backwards. "Just go with  
the flow." Chad watched as she took off, graceful as a swan on the  
slick ice, and waved at him. "Watch me," she called out.  
  
Lita skated across the rink in sleek, easy motions, her hair a  
flowing curtain behind her. Faster and faster she moved, until finally  
she leapt angelically into the air, spinning and twirling like a  
snowflake on the wind. Her landing was smooth, and Chad gasped in  
both relief and awe, hypnotized by the way she spun like a top on one  
foot.  
  
"Show off!" he called out to her with a grin, secretly amazed at her  
talent. Where had she learned to skate like that, he mused.  
  
~I wonder if Raye's ever seen Lita skate,~ Chad thought to himself.  
A pang of guilt struck him as he thought her name, and he wondered  
how Raye was handling the walkways.  
  
He knew he should have probably stayed to help her, and he felt  
bad about that. But Chad couldn't help but feel a small amount of  
relief for not having to be there. It was true, their relationship had  
returned nearly to normal in the past month, but despite that, he still  
didn't feel entirely comfortable working alone with Raye.  
  
She'd hurt him badly when she'd pushed him away all those nights  
before. Chad still felt pain whenever he thought about it, and he  
thought about it whenever she was around. It was a vicious cycle,  
really- one that Chad hoped to break.  
  
~I know you're probably mad that I'm not there, Raye,~ he thought  
to himself as he watched Lita perform one talented move after another.  
~But don't you see it's just too hard?~  
  
In front of him, Lita put a stop to her little show and grinned at  
him, her cheeks glowing from the mixture of cold and physical activity.  
"See?" she breathed, sounding a little tired. "Nothing to it." She  
skated over to Chad and hugged him tightly, giggling when her cold  
nose touched his throat and made him squirm.  
  
"Easy for you to say," he mumbled into her hair.  
  
Lita. Now she was a different story. Chad grinned at her, and  
pulled out of her embrace, seeing her bright green eyes track his  
movements innocently. Mischief filled Chad's own gaze as he skated  
over to the nearest snowbank and seemed to collapse there, his arms  
spread out to his sides.  
  
She was a great girl, and Chad loved spending time with her. Despite  
his initial misgivings, Lita had proved to be a lot of fun over the  
past several weeks. When he was with her, he could forget the pain  
he'd been put through with Raye's rejection, and simply enjoy himself.  
Which was what he was doing right at that very moment.  
  
From his place in the snowbank, Chad watched Lita approach him with a  
mix of concern and caution, clearly wondering what he was up to. He  
tried not to smile as she peered down at him curiously, taking another  
step towards him. Chad couldn't resist. Before Lita could react, he  
snapped his hand out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her towards him.  
Taken unawares, Lita could only utter a shriek of surprise as she was  
pulled next to him into the snowbank.  
  
  
* * *  
  
Mina snatched a fry from Raye's plate and smeared it across the blob  
of ketchup that rested on the side, an exhausted look spread across  
her pretty features.  
  
"I'm so beat," she moaned, popping the fry in her mouth. Raye  
regarded her with a half smile.  
  
"I wonder why," she laughed, nodding towards the pile of bags that  
rested at her friend's feet. "You just bought out every shop in  
Tokyo."  
  
Raye leaned back in her uncomfortable plastic chair and yawned,  
taking in the bright colors and gaudy art that surrounded the   
restaurant. She'd never been big on fast food but after shopping for  
hours, Mina had insisted they stop for a bite to eat. After all, she'd  
said, Christmas shopping built up a monster appetite, and if the  
amount of bags she carried was any indication, Raye assumed her friend  
must have been starving.  
  
"Not every shop," Mina said with a giggle. A mischievous look  
crossed her face, and she winked at Raye. "I still have a couple of  
places to empty yet." Raye rolled her eyes, and Mina snatched another  
fry from her plate. "So," she said, after the fry had been thoroughly  
chewed and swallowed, "tell me what you've been up to."  
  
Raye stared at the plate in front of her before pushing it in Mina's  
direction. "Nothing," she said with a sigh. "Same boring stuff I do  
all the time. Shrine work, getting ready for school. The usual, I  
guess."  
  
Mina nodded. "Same here," she said licking a drop of ketchup from  
her finger. "That's why I'm so glad Christmas is around the corner.  
It gave me the excuse to go out and have some fun, doing what I do  
best." She regarded Raye with a wry look. "That is, shopping of  
course."  
  
Raye chuckled to herself, and took a long sip of her strawberry  
milkshake, cringing as her head screamed in protest at the cold.  
  
"I'm actually really happy about some of the gifts I picked up," Mina  
continued, leaning forward to adjust a bag that had just tipped over.  
"Serena's been so bummed lately, what with the breakup and all, so  
I wanted to find something just right to cheer her up."  
  
Raye nodded, sharing Mina's sentiments. "Yeah, she could sure use  
that," she agreed.  
  
"Well, I thought so," said Mina with a smile. "I know she's going to  
love the stuffed rabbit and box of imported chocolates I got her.  
After all, that gift combines all three of her favorite things: cute  
toys, bunnies, and sugar." Mina laughed at herself, and took a bite of  
her burger. "I also picked up gifts for Amy and Lita, since they  
weren't here. I tried calling both of them, but they seemed to be  
otherwise occupied," she winked at Raye. "As always."  
  
Raye blinked, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well, I  
know where Lita is," she said dryly. "Just this afternoon, she stole  
Chad away from his chores to take him ice skating."  
  
Mina giggled and reached over to grab Raye's hand. "You poor  
thing," she laughed. "And after that big snow storm last night, too."  
  
Raye pulled her hand away and mock-glared at her friend. "It wasn't  
funny," she said, stifling a chuckle herself. "It was hard work!"  
Mina only laughed harder.  
  
"I'm sure it was," she said finally, taking a sip of her own shake.  
She paused. "But that doesn't explain Amy's absence."  
  
Raye shrugged. "I have no idea where Amy is, or what she could be  
doing. That girl has been on her own *planet* these past few weeks.  
Something is definitely up with her."  
  
Mina nodded, her smile fading. "It's probably because of her breakup  
with Greg," she said with a frown. "Poor girl must be heartbroken. I  
mean, they'd been going out for ages."  
  
Raye shook her head. "I don't think so," she said slowly. "She's  
been distracted and distant, yes, but... always with an underlying  
happiness. Almost as if she's got this wonderful secret that she  
refuses to share with any of us."  
  
Blue eyes grew wide, and Raye could practically hear the wheels  
turning in Mina's mind. "Hey Raye," she said. "You don't think Amy  
has a secret boyfriend or anything, do you?" Her eyes glazed over as  
all sorts of romantic notions filled her head.  
  
Raye didn't say anything for a moment as she recalled the night, one  
month earlier, when Amy had told her she'd kissed Darien.  
  
~Could it be...?~  
  
Raye shook her head dismissively. No, it couldn't. She refused to  
believe that. Besides, Amy had told her a few days afterwards that  
she had talked to him, and that they'd decided merely to remain good  
friends.  
  
"No," Raye said finally. "I don't think so." She forced a smile  
and finished off her milkshake. "But what about you," she asked when  
she had finished, changing the subject. "Since we seem to be talking  
about breakups, how are you feeling?" It had been a little over a week  
since Mina had ended her relationship with the young photographer, and   
the two had yet to have a real conversation about it.  
  
Mina shrugged, and took a bite of her near-cold hamburger. "I don't  
know," she said with a sigh. "I'm okay, I guess. I mean, I'm not  
upset, if that's what you're asking."  
  
Raye nodded slowly. "That's good. I'm glad you're doing okay," she  
said.  
  
"Well, I mean... I do miss Jeff in some ways, sure. But the thing  
is, Raye- Jeff just wasn't my soulmate. He wasn't the guy I'm meant to  
spend the rest of my life with," she sighed again, and popped the rest   
of her burger into her mouth. "But then, if you use Serena and Darien   
as an example, you can be dating your soulmate, and *still* wind up  
heartbroken, so..." She trailed off. "I just didn't think we were  
right for one another," she said finally.  
  
"I can understand that," Raye agreed, piling the wrappers and cups  
from their meal onto a tray to be dumped into the garbage. "I mean,  
you can't pick who you love, right?"  
  
"Exactly," said Mina enthusiastically. "Besides," she added, "at  
least I'm doing better than poor Serena has been." The two of them  
grew silent at the mention of their friend. "I am just so furious at  
Darien. How dare he do this to her? How *dare* he make her feel this  
way." Mina's expression grew sullen, and the change in attitude  
startled Raye. For a moment, she was reminded of a similar  
conversation between herself and Amy the month earlier. Amy's words  
still echoed in Raye's ears.  
  
~As hard as it is to believe, he's just- not in love with her  
anymore.~  
  
Raye sighed and placed her hand over Mina's. "Mina, I know how  
frustrated you feel. Believe me, Serena's my friend too, and I feel  
the exact same way."  
  
"What's your point, Raye?" Mina asked, her brow crinkling in  
frustration.  
  
"My point is, Mina... Darien doesn't love her anymore. And that  
is no more his fault than it is ours or Serena's," she pulled her hand  
away from Mina's and ran her hand through her thick hair. "What do  
you really expect him to do? Live the rest of his life in a lie,  
pretending? Do you really think he deserves that? Do you think  
*Serena* deserves that?"  
  
Mina shrugged in defeat. "I don't know," she said. "I just don't  
like seeing Serena so upset."  
  
"I don't either, Mina. Do you think I do? Serena is like a sister  
to me. As much as she and I may disagree, she means the world to me,  
and to see her in this much pain absolutely rips my heart out. But- "  
she paused. "It's like we were saying just a few minutes ago. You  
can't pick who you love, right?"  
  
Nod. "I guess not."  
  
"Well, Mina, Darien can't pick who he *doesn't* love. It's not his  
fault, and I really don't think it's fair for us- either of us- to  
blame him." Raye couldn't believe it. She was actually defending  
Darien against her Moon Princess. And it felt *right*. "After all  
our battles, after what we've *all* been through together, don't you  
think he deserves our forgiveness?".  
  
Mina sighed. "You're right, Raye," she grudgingly agreed. "I just  
wish that man would have a change of heart."  
  
Raye nodded. "So do I, Mina. So do I."  
  
  
* * *  
  
The sound of laughter and clinking glass created a cheerful ambiance  
in the luxurious restaurant where they enjoyed their dinner. Above the  
murmured sound of dozens of conversations, the melodic sound of a  
small orchestra could be heard accompanying dinner with classical  
pieces by various composers.  
  
With a gentle smile, Amy took in the high ceilings and gorgeous  
decorative woodwork that made up the elegant place Darien had brought  
her to that evening. Gold trim, expensive linen tablecloths- Amy found  
extravagance everywhere she looked, from the marble floors to the  
crystal chandeliers that were the establishment's crowning touch.  
  
"Do you like it here?"  
  
It was Darien's voice that finally caught her attention, and she  
flashed him a broad smile, reaching out to clasp his hand in her own.  
  
"It's beautiful," she said softly. "Everything has been perfect."  
She squeezed his hand gently, and he smiled, reaching out to brush a  
strand of sapphire hair from her eye.  
  
"I could say the same about you," he said. It wasn't an  
exaggeration; she looked absolutely amazing. In her long gown of black  
and grey velvet, she was every ounce the beautiful temptress this  
evening.  
  
Darien recalled how she looked when he'd arrived at her apartment  
earlier that evening, to pick her up. When she'd opened the door to  
him, hair pulled back with silver barrettes, and her shoulders bare in  
that gorgeous drop-backed gown with the tiny straps it was all he could  
do to keep from tossing the flowers he held to the floor and ravishing  
her then and there. She completely took his breath away.  
  
As if she knew what he was thinking, Amy blushed softly and smiled  
at him, pulling her hand out of his and placing it in her lap.  
"Dinner was delicious," she said finally.  
  
"I'm surprised you even tasted it at all," Darien joked, pushing his  
empty plate aside. "After all, you spent so much time looking at  
everything around you." Amy blushed a deeper shade of red and looked  
up at the chandelier that hung directly above them.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said, meeting his eyes again. "I've never been to a  
place like this before."  
  
Darien chuckled to himself and took a sip of the wine that rested in  
front of him. "That's perfectly understandable." He smiled.  
  
There was a moment of silence between the two of them. Amy was  
about to speak, when above the laughter and the conversation that  
filled the restaurant she heard the orchestra begin another piece.  
Darien saw her tilt her head in recognition, and sigh. "I love this  
song," she said softly, almost dreamily. "It's so beautiful,". She  
closed her eyes to fully appreciate the song, and Darien smiled,  
watching her.  
  
He recognized the piece as Pachebel's Canon, one of his many  
favorites. It was true- it was a lovely song. However, he wasn't  
paying attention to it. Rather, his eyes remained fixed on the girl in  
front of him, so entranced by the music that she almost swayed along.  
Darien had never seen someone so hypnotized by a beautiful melody. His  
smile softened as he watched her, as much under her spell as she was  
under that of the music.  
  
Finally, Amy lifted her head, and gazed at him almost sleepily  
between half-closed eyelids. "I've had a wonderful night, Darien," she  
said finally, a gentle smile on her face. "Thank you."  
  
Darien's eyes never left hers as he signalled for the waiter to bring  
him the bill. "This night isn't over yet, Amy," he said after a  
moment, a secretive look on his face. "There is still one place I  
would like to take you."  
  
  
* * *  
  
Multicolored lights from the television set danced over Raye's face as   
she lay sleeping on the sofa. Chad smiled to himself as he watched her  
rest, obviously exhausted from the day's endeavors.  
  
"Poor thing," he murmured to himself. "First I leave you with enough  
chores for the both of us, then Mina drags you all over the city,  
carrying bags. No wonder you're so sleepy." Chad shook his head in  
disbelief and sighed.  
  
He'd arrived back at the shrine earlier that day expecting a guilt  
trip for leaving her alone with the chores, but instead he couldn't  
find her anywhere. When she'd finally arrived from her shopping trip,  
exhausted and sore, she was too distracted and tired to so much as  
notice that he'd cleaned up and prepared dinner, and instead offered  
him a half-mumbled explanation as to where she'd been all day.  
  
The two of them had eaten dinner in a comfortable silence, and Chad  
was glad she didn't so much as mention the snow or the work he'd left  
for her that day. Later, she'd crawled away from the table, leaving  
him to clean the mess in the kitchen and wash the dishes. Chad had to  
admit, he didn't mind.  
  
Now, just a few minutes after eight o'clock, Raye was dead to the  
world in front of an old movie, snoring softly from her resting place  
on the couch. Chad watched her sleep, a tender expression on his  
caring face.  
  
He backed out of the doorway and headed down the hall, returning to  
the living room only moments later with a thick woolen blanket draped  
over his arms. Smiling warmly, he spread it over Raye's sleeping form.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered. Without thinking, he leaned to kiss her  
forehead, being careful not to wake her. "Goodnight."  
  
With a gentle smile still spread over his handsome features, Chad  
turned and headed to his own room for the night.  
  
  
* * *  
  
"Whatever you do, don't peek."  
  
Amy felt Darien's breath burning in her ear as he whispered his  
gentle command, and nodded against the hand he held in front of her  
eyes.  
  
They'd arrived only moments before to their secret destination, and  
the suspense was simply driving Amy mad. She's been blindfolded since  
they'd left the restaurant only twenty minutes earlier, and now,  
standing outside Darien's car with not even the slightest hint as to  
where she was... Amy couldn't help but feel a little elated.  
  
"Where are we, Darien?" Amy squirmed a little against Darien's hand,  
and so he pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arm around her waist  
so she couldn't get away. It was a cold night, being mid-December, but  
Amy didn't feel so much as a chill with Darien being so close to her.  
  
"You'll see in a moment," he murmured in her ear. "We're going to  
start walking, now".  
  
It was a little awkward, Amy had to admit. Walking blindfolded with  
Darien behind her, she imagined that the two of them had the silly  
appearance of a couple of penguins, waddling across a field of ice.  
She couldn't help but giggle at the thought.  
  
"What?" Darien asked with a chuckle. Amy shook her head, and  
laughed.  
  
"Nothing." Another giggle. "Are we there yet?"  
  
Darien suddenly stopped moving, and she stopped with him, falling  
gently against his chest as she did so. "Okay," he said softly.  
"Tell me what you hear."  
  
Amy paused and tilted her head to listen. There were the typical  
sounds that went with the city; that general buzz that followed you  
around no matter where you went. But there was something beneath  
it; a sound more gentle. More subdued.  
  
"It sounds like... water," she said finally.  
  
"You're right." Darien removed the hand he'd been blinding her with,  
and for a moment Amy saw nothing, save for a few bright circles  
of light dancing before her eyes. Gradually, her eyes adjusted, and  
she gasped at what she saw.  
  
A large artificial pond lay spread in front of her like a giant  
mirror resting in the heart of the city, and in it Amy could see all  
the colors of the rainbow. Lights, millions of lights, from an  
infinite number of sources, were reflected in the gorgeous crystalline  
surface. "Beautiful..." she whispered, a hand covering her mouth in  
surprise. "So beautiful."  
  
Amy stepped forward, towards the pond, and looked up towards the sky  
where a giant moon shone down upon them. It was reflected in the pond,  
this beautiful moon, along with all the bright, glimmering lights of  
the city. Amy had never seen such a glorious place.  
  
With a look of childish awe on her face, Amy turned to face the man  
who had brought her to this magic location. "Darien, this is  
absolutely stunning," she said when she had finally found her tongue.  
Darien smiled gently at her.  
  
"I come here a lot," he said, taking a step towards her. "To think,  
actually." Amy nodded in perfect understanding. "For the longest  
time, I've been wanting to show this to you. Of all the people in all  
the world, Amy, I knew that you would appreciate this most."  
  
Amy felt tears burning in her eyes, and she embraced him gently,  
touched that he would share such a place with her. "Thank you," she  
said tenderly, burrowing her face in his chest. His hands went around  
her instinctively, pulling her closer to him, and she sighed softly.  
  
Darien placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head, and felt her  
shiver against him. "Oh damn it, Amy, I didn't think. I'm sorry."  
Darien chided himself for not considering the fact that Amy might get  
cold outside dressed as she was, and quickly slipped out of his tuxedo  
jacket. "Put this on."  
  
With a grateful smile, Amy slipped the jacket on over her dress,  
laughing when she noticed how poorly it fit her. Darien simply  
grinned and gathered her back into his arms.  
  
~It's been a magical night.~  
  
The thought was mutual as he finally leaned forward and kissed her,  
his mouth hot against her own. Gently, he parted her lips with his  
tongue, and she responded with equal vigor, lifting her hands to run  
them through his hair. Amy could feel the breath being sucked out of  
her, and she started to feel dizzy from excitement, happiness and  
contentment. It had been a wonderful night, everything had gone  
swimmingly. Nothing could ruin the way she felt right now, she  
thought. It was... *perfect*.  
  
As if on cue, Darien pulled away from Amy, looking deeply into  
her eyes. "There's something I want to give you," he murmured,  
running his hand across her cheek. "A gift."  
  
"A gift?" Amy repeated. "Darien, you didn't need to-" he put a  
finger to her lips, silencing her.  
  
"I wanted to." Darien gestured to the tuxedo jacket Amy wore.  
"Look in the pocket," he said. He ran the back of his hand over  
her cheek again, stroking her face.  
  
Amy let her hands trail down her sides, searching for the pocket  
Darien spoke of. Eventually, her fingers felt the unmistakable shape  
of a velvet jewelers box, and she pulled it out slowly, almost scared  
to see what was inside. "Darien, what's this?" she asked as she  
pulled it out, and held it in front of her. It wasn't a ring box, Amy  
could see that now. It was long and narrow, covered in a thin layer of  
black velvet. Darien leaned forward slightly and smiled at her.  
  
"Open it."  
  
Amy gazed for a moment at the box in her hands before reaching for  
the clasp. The box opened with a muted 'click'.  
  
She gasped.  
  
In it lay a beautiful necklace of white gold, attached to which was a  
shimmering rose no bigger than a thumbnail. Amy tilted the box  
slightly, and the rose sparkled, covered with what looked like small  
chips of garnet. "Darien..."  
  
"Do you like it?" he asked, taking a step closer to her. She nodded  
numbly, not quite sure what to say to him. Tears filled her eyes, and  
he reached over to pull her into his arms. "Amy, the past month has  
been among the best in my life," he said softly into her ear. "This  
gift is to celebrate the joy of countless months to follow." He tilted  
her face to meet his, and kissed her tenderly before pulling back to   
look her in the eyes again. "But that isn't all," he began.  
  
"Darien," Amy protested weakly. A tear rolled down her face,  
followed by another, and another.  
  
"Amy, I've completely fallen in love with you."  
  
Amy stared at him for a moment, mouth agape.  
  
~This can't happen.~  
  
Prying herself gently from his grasp, she turned away from him,  
staring out over the resplendent pond that only minutes before had  
so hypnotized her. Tears trickled down her cheeks, rolling down her  
throat, onto her lips. Gods, didn't he realize? He wasn't allowed to  
fall in love with her. He *couldn't* fall in love with her. Not now,  
not ever.  
  
Parts of her dream came back to her in flashes, and she cringed  
inwardly at the memory.  
  
"Amy, are you okay?" She whirled to face him.  
  
"Darien, I can't accept this," she said finally, shoving the box  
towards him. "Please, take it back."  
  
"Amy, what's wrong with you? Is it because of the price?  
Because it really wasn't that extravagant. I know this guy, and-"  
  
"It's not that," she denied Her face was soaked from the tears  
that flowed so heavily. "I just can't, Darien." Amy grabbed his  
hand and placed the box in it, using her own hand to force his  
fingers around its velvet surface. Darien stared at her, completely  
bewildered.  
  
"Where is this coming from Amy? Have I done something wrong?   
Please. You've got to tell me." He reached for her, only to have her  
pull away from him.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it, Darien," she sobbed. Her makeup  
was beginning to run, but she didn't seem to notice, nor care. "I need  
to get out of here." She turned to walk away.  
  
"Okay, that's fine," he started to follow her. "I'll take you home,  
then."  
  
"I'd really rather be alone, if you don't mind," she said, raising  
her hand to halt him. "I need to think." For a moment, her face  
resembled the surface of the pond; all the lights of the city reflected  
off her wet skin. She looked like some sort of tormented angel. With  
tears still rolling down her cheeks, Amy turned on her heel and ran off  
into the shadows of the night.  
  
Darien watched her go, with a mixture of confusion and concern   
painted across his features. He wished he had some idea as to why Amy   
had suddenly started acting so strangely, but she didn't seem to be in   
the frame of mind to explain it to him.  
  
Now, left alone in his place of silent contemplation, Darien opened  
the small box he held in his hand and gazed at the twinkling pendant  
that laid within. He could almost swear it was winking at him.  
  
"Amy," he whispered aloud. "What have I done wrong?"  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
The End, Chapter Five  
  
  
Credits: "No human creature can give orders to love."  
-George Sand [Amandine Aurore Lucile Dupin, Baronne Dudevant]  
Jacques [1834]   
  
  
  
AN: This story is dedicated to all the authors out there who have   
taken a chance and refused to be bound by the traditional rules. It's   
for those writers who've crashed through barriers and put out   
fanfiction that is just a little bit different. For all of you, I   
offer this humble piece of work. I hope one day, I'll be more like   
you.  
  
It's also for Moon Senshi, my *fabulous* editor and pal. A little  
more work was involved in the editing process this time around, but  
as always, she does the job with grace and brilliance, polishing my  
work like a precious gem. Thank you for being there when I needed you,  
and for voluntarily taking on such a huge project in addition to your  
already packed schedule!  
  
Lastly, it's for Orion, who acted as my own personal cheerleader in  
the writing of this chapter. Despite the fact I'll be flying solo  
from here on out, she really gave me the confidence (and the kick in  
the pants) I needed to get this thing out on time. All I have to say  
to you, girl, is THANK YOU! 


	7. Illumination

Mercury Blue [mercuryblue_22@hotmail.com]  
Fire Goddess Raye [courtney@email.ky]  
  
  
  
The apartment was cold and dark, but Amy didn't seem to notice. Her   
carefully styled hair was mussed and salty tears tracked makeup down   
her tormented face, but she didn't seem to *care*. Memories of that   
evening danced throughout her head, and she fought in vain to push them  
aside.   
  
Darien loved her.  
  
Amy clutched his black tuxedo jacket tightly, and mentally cursed him  
for making things so hard for her.   
  
~Doesn't he know that we can't... that I can't?~  
  
The pain that ripped its way throughout her chest was unbearable, and  
Amy sobbed heavily, biting her lip to keep from screaming out loud.  
She could feel Fear run its icy finger up her spine, and she shuddered  
involuntarily. She was scared of losing him, and terrified of loving   
him back. Every fiber in her being told her it could never work.  
  
She'd seen it herself. For over a month she'd had to endure visions   
of the horrifying futures that lay ahead for her friends should she   
dare stay with him- should she dare *love* him. Futures filled with  
nothing but pain, failure, and cold meaningless death. Amy refused   
to let that happen.   
  
It *couldn't* happen.  
  
Amy pulled Darien's jacket to her breasts and held it tightly, her   
breath coming out in shuddering gasps and sobs. She'd forgotten to   
return it to him in her haste to leave the beautiful place he'd taken   
her, and now she drew the garment to her nose, breathing in the spicy   
scent of his cologne that still lingered around the collar. For a   
moment, it was as if he was with her. Amy's eyes filled with renewed   
tears at the notion.  
  
She'd known since the beginning that their affair couldn't possibly   
last long. If the dreams were a correct picture of the probable   
future, it meant that she couldn't be with Darien without causing dire   
consequences for her dearest friends. Amy refused to be the reason for  
her loved ones to die- she simply wouldn't let it happen. Even if it  
meant sacrificing her own happiness.  
  
Drawing a quivering breath, Amy swiped furiously at her tear-soaked  
face with the back of her hand. She'd been well aware that her romance  
with the Earth Prince couldn't be a permanent one from day one. And   
yet, she couldn't help but feel heartbroken at the memory of Darien's   
emotional confession.   
  
~"Amy, I've completely fallen in love with you."~  
  
It was as simple as that. Eight small words, and Amy's life had been  
turned upside down. When Darien had handed her his gift, that   
beautiful necklace, he'd told her that it was to celebrate the   
countless months he wished to spend with her. Grief tore at her soul,   
and Amy could still picture the look on his face when he'd said that to  
her- so hopeful, and elated.  
  
~Darien...~  
  
Deep down inside, Amy knew that he had been wrong. For over a month,  
she'd known it not to be true. Her dreams had made that clear to her.  
And now, after what Darien had said to her only hours before, Amy could  
tell the day had come that she couldn't see him anymore. It was too  
dangerous, too risky for all those involved. For humanity, for her   
friends. And worst of all, for him. As far as Amy knew, loving her  
would only end in Darien's demise. She'd seen his death herself, in  
those horrid visions of hers. And she couldn't bear to have that   
happen.  
  
With tears still spilling from her eyes, Amy lay down on her bed, not  
bothering to remove her expensive velvet gown, and curled into a ball.  
Her small hands still tightly clutched Darien's jacket, and she drew it  
close to her body, feeling the coarse fibers of the material tickle her  
throat as she did so.   
  
"I love you too," she whispered aloud.   
  
Within moments Amy was asleep, lulled by the sound of her own crying.  
  
  
* * *   
  
It was early morning when Raye's eyes finally flickered open, tickled   
by the warm glow of the sun. Groaning to herself, she gently massaged   
the back of her neck, which ached from sleeping on it at a strange   
angle, and gazed sleepily at her surroundings, momentarily confused as   
to where she was.   
  
She'd fallen asleep on the couch, she could see that now. A worn   
blanket lay on the floor, apparently kicked off during the night, and   
her face was lined with imprints left from the unforgiving fabric of   
the couch's upholstery. Raye ran her tongue over her teeth and   
grimaced at the sour taste in her mouth. She'd fallen asleep before  
even brushing, something she rarely ever did.  
  
~What an exhausting day.~  
  
Raye reached for the blanket at her feet and pulled it into her lap,  
her leaden arms screaming in protest. The day before had been quite   
the workout for her. Between all the shoveling she'd done and then   
being dragged from one end of Tokyo to another... Raye knew she'd be   
feeling sore for at least a few more days.   
  
"Uh, damn you, Mina," she mumbled, and ran a hand through her tangled  
hair. "Where did I ever get the idea that I could keep up with Tokyo's  
'shopping queen'?" Stifling a yawn, Raye stood up groggily and draped   
the blanket over her arms.   
  
She didn't remember falling asleep with it. Actually, Raye didn't   
remember falling asleep period; however, she was fairly certain she   
would have remembered getting up to take the thick comforter from its   
place in the linen closet.   
  
~Chad must have covered me,~ she thought to herself. Running a hand  
over the fuzzy material in her arms, Raye couldn't help but smile. For  
the past month, Chad had been anything but himself around her. At   
times, she would go as far as to say she felt avoided by him. But now,  
for him to have the consideration to cover her as she slept, well...  
  
Raye smiled to herself and folded the blanket carefully. Strolling   
down the hallway, she deposited it in the linen closet where it   
belonged and then headed into the bathroom to perform her standard   
morning routine. All the while a smile danced on her lips, and a   
single thought rattled through her head:  
  
Perhaps there was still a little of the old Chad left in him, after   
all.   
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
  
I thought you'd be out of my mind   
And I'd finally found a way to   
Learn to live without you   
I thought it was just a matter of time   
Till I had a hundred reasons   
Not to think about you   
But it's just not so   
And after all this time   
I still can't let go   
  
I've still got your face   
Painted on my heart   
Scrawled upon my soul   
Etched upon my memory baby   
I've got your kiss   
Still burning on my lips   
The touch of my fingertips   
Is love so deep inside of me   
  
I was trying everything that I can   
To get my heart to forget you   
But it just can't seem to   
I guess it's just no use   
In every part of me   
Is still a part of you   
  
Something in your eyes keeps haunting me   
I'm trying to escape you   
And I know there ain't no way to   
To chase you from my mind   
  
  
~Painted On My Heart  
The Cult  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
Part Two- The Second Month   
  
Chapter Six-  
Illumination  
  
  
  
These ancient eyes have seen much throughout the centuries.   
  
I have lived through the fall of empires. I've watched monuments   
topple, and turn to dust. I have looked upon the birth and death of   
king upon king.   
  
During my lifetime as Sailor Pluto, I have borne witness to a   
multitude of human conditions. Yet, none of them has ever effected me  
so greatly as the sight of a lover's pain.   
  
Love hurts, my friends. That is the ultimate truth you must learn,   
for no injury burns with more agony than a newly-broken heart.   
  
Pain is love. Love, pain.   
  
They say Time heals all wounds; that given enough Time, pain can be   
overcome. This is by no means incorrect. However, few people seem to   
realize that the reverse is also true. Time is the ultimate source of   
pain.   
  
Who could possibly measure the torment caused by the gradual   
passage of Time? It is Time that ages beautiful youths, greying and   
wrinkling their milky skin, and it is Time that finally kills them.  
  
If Time could freeze during one perfect moment, lovers would never   
have to bear the pain of leaving that tender embrace. They could stay  
forever entwined in one another's arms. True, they would never marry,   
nor have children. But they would also never have to face losing   
each other, an occurrence inevitable in any relationship, be it by   
choice or death.  
  
An appealing thought- but mere fancy. The truth is that Time cannot  
be frozen. It marches on, ever the dutiful soldier.   
  
And so does our story.  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
  
"Amy, pick up. I know you're there."  
  
She lay on her sofa, hugging Darien's jacket to her chest like a   
security blanket as she listened to him leave what seemed like his   
millionth message on her answering machine.   
  
"Please Amy, tell me. Why won't you talk to me?"  
  
It had been nearly a week since she had last seen him; since he'd   
told her he loved her. For only a week she'd been shut away from the   
world. And from him. Only. It seemed like an eternity.  
  
He continued to speak, the urgent tone of his voice cutting through   
the silence of her apartment like a newly sharpened blade. "Don't do   
this to me, please, just speak to me for a while." Amy didn't move.   
  
There was a moment's silence, broken when he sighed in resignation.   
He continued. "All right, have it your way. You know how to get ahold  
of me if you want to talk. I really wish you would."   
  
Pause.   
  
"Goodbye."   
  
There was a sharp click as he hung up the phone, and then once again   
she was surrounded by deafening silence. From her place on the sofa,   
Amy bit her lip and ran her fingers over the buttons of his jacket.  
She felt the familiar texture of the fabric she'd held for so many days  
now, and sighed.   
  
Compulsively, her hand reached towards a nearby table, and she hit   
the playback button on her answering machine to hear his message again.  
She listened with sadness to the confusion and urgency in his voice as   
he pleaded with her for an explanation- some sort of sign that she was   
still there for him.  
  
~I wish you could understand,~ she thought. ~See what I've seen and  
know why we can't be together. I care for you too much to let anything  
happen to you. Even if it means we can't be together.~   
  
Pulling the jacket closer to her face, she inhaled deeply. Even now,   
the fabric still held a trace of his scent, and she closed her eyes.   
In her fantasies, she could be in his arms. Safe, warm. And happy.  
  
Happy.  
  
Amy scoffed at the thought, taking in her surroundings. She hadn't   
been happy for days, and it showed. Her normally tidy apartment   
appeared as though a herd of cattle had run through it. Dishes were   
stacked up in the sink, empty take out boxes littered her coffee table,  
and laundry was piled up on the floor. She had not bothered to take   
care of either the place she was hiding in, nor herself.   
  
Uncurling her legs from under her, Amy stood up and walked towards an  
antique mirror that hung above her fireplace. She cautiously looked  
in and pursed her lips at the image she saw.   
  
The girl that she saw reflected back wasn't her. It couldn't be.   
This wasn't the 'smart girl' that usually looked back at her. She'd   
been replaced by someone with a gaunt face and a rat's nest of tangled   
hair. Eyes that should be sparkling with life were puffy and red from   
too many shed tears. A mouth that usually held an optimistic smile now  
bore a grim frown.  
  
~I don't know this girl,~ Amy thought. ~And I don't think that I   
like her.~  
  
She sighed to herself. For so long, she'd resented being cast as the  
'smart girl', the 'good girl'. But now, she'd give anything to see   
that image reflected in the mirror, to feel the control and confidence   
that the 'smart girl' once exuded.   
  
Turning away from her tired visage, Amy leaned against the wall and   
tried in vain to unravel some of the many knots that had twisted   
themselves around her hair. Now, more than ever, she needed- no,   
craved- that detached control. It was imperative that she regained it,  
and soon.  
  
Her eyes drifted to a nearby wall calender, confirming what she   
already knew to be true. The next day would be Christmas, and that   
meant the annual party at Lita's apartment. Everyone was going to be   
there, a thought which made Amy's stomach sink in dread.   
  
She couldn't bear to go. To see the friends she'd been avoiding for  
weeks. Especially Serena.  
  
Amy could just imagine what she would say to her.   
  
~"Where have I been the past month? Funny you should ask. I've been  
boinking your ex-boyfriend behind your back. What? No, just until   
recently. I ran out on him when he told me he loved me. I've been   
having these dreams, you see..."~  
  
She shook her head, doubting that Serena would be very thrilled with   
a conversation like that. Amy certainly wasn't thrilled about the idea  
either.  
  
For a moment she considered calling Lita and cancelling. But what   
would she say? She'd already used every excuse she could think of;   
there were none left.   
  
~Besides. It's Christmas. They'll only show up at your doorstep if   
you don't go.~  
  
Amy knew she would have to face them sooner or later. She'd known   
that all along.   
  
She'd just been hoping for later.  
  
Once again, her eyes swept over the unclean apartment and she sighed,  
frustrated with herself. Amy was tired of being depressed, tired of   
hiding in her own filth, and most of all, she was tired of the lies.   
She wanted nothing more than to experience to relaxed company of her   
friends again, without the burden of all that had transpired in the   
past few weeks.   
  
~Life was simpler when we were still battling the Negaverse,~ she   
thought to herself. ~At least then, I never had to battle myself.~   
  
Amy felt the familiar tremble of her lower lip as the urge to weep   
suddenly struck her. She couldn't decide what was worse- being in a  
doomed love, or drifting from her closest friends because of it. Each   
was a form of torture in its own sadistic way. But how to push away   
these feelings... Amy knew there could be only one solution.  
  
The Smart Girl needed to make a reappearance.   
  
Bringing her back, though, would be the tricky part. Retrieving the   
control from deep within herself would take every last ounch of   
strength Amy possessed, she knew that.   
  
~But do I have a choice?~  
  
No. Her only option was to purge herself of Darien, of the   
distraction and turmoil he set her mind in. Dwelling on the pain of   
losing him only strenghtened her desire to regain the icy detachment of  
the 'genius girl'. It was strange that the stereotype she'd spent   
years trying to break away from might be her only hope of salvation.   
Amy refused to allow the pain and fear to rule her life anymore; she   
needed to recover her equilibrium, and fast. That meant pulling   
herself together enough to organize her apartment.  
  
And in organizing the chaos around her, Amy hoped she could bring   
order to her own heart.  
  
  
* * *   
  
Raye sighed and fashioned a large bow out of ribbon, fixing it to the   
top of the newly-wrapped box she held in her hand. Smiling to herself,  
she added the package to the pile that was now nearly spilling onto the  
floor.  
  
A glittering mass of gifts sparkled on the table before her. The   
multi-colored foil of their wrapping paper reflected the room's light,   
causing them to twinkle like a giant handful of precious gems. Raye   
leaned back in her chair and regarded her handiwork with satisfaction,  
pleased at how lovely she'd made her gifts look.   
  
"Perfect," she whispered, reaching up to run a hand through her hair.  
With a grin, she began cleaning up the scissors and stray bits of paper  
and ribbon that now littered the table and floor near where she'd been   
working. As she snatched a roll of scotch tape from between two boxes,  
Christmas spirit got the best of her and she found herself humming a   
festive tune under her breath.   
  
"I've always loved that song."  
  
Raye jumped at the unexpected sound of Chad's voice, and nearly   
dropped the items she held in her hands. "You scared me," she said,   
exhaling deeply. "I didn't hear you come in."  
  
Chad smirked at her and placed a package on the table next to her   
shining mass of gifts. "Don't stop on my account. You sure seemed to   
be getting into the whole holiday bit." He nodded towards the immense   
heap of presents she'd just wrapped.  
  
Raye shrugged. "Well, it is Christmas Eve, after all." She glanced  
at the parcel he'd just deposited onto the table. It was a medium-  
sized box, covered in brown paper and tied tightly with string.   
"What's that?" she asked.   
  
"This?" Chad gestured towards the package, then picked it up to hand  
it to her. "Actually, it was just delivered. I think it's from your   
grandfather."  
  
"From Grandpa?" Raye smiled, and emptied her armful of wrapping   
paraphernalia back onto the table. "Let me see." She snatched the box  
from his hands and tore open the paper excitedly, eager to see what her  
grandfather had sent for her. In her haste, she failed to notice a   
small white envelope detach itself from the parcel and flutter to the   
ground.   
  
"Raye, look. There's a note with it." Chad plucked the small card   
from the floor, and held it out to her between two fingers. Raye   
nodded at him as she tried to untangle a rather large knot that was   
tied in the string.   
  
"Well, read it," she said, grabbing the scissors from where she'd   
dropped them. "Tell me what it says." Chad shrugged, and opened the   
small envelope in his hands as Raye began to hack at the string that   
tied the parcel shut.   
  
"Okay..." Chad pulled out a small card and opened it, his eyes   
tracing the tiny, delicate handwriting. "'To Raye and Chad,'" he   
began. "Hey, it's for both of us!"  
  
"Yeah?" Raye grinned in triumph as she finally freed the package   
from its string. "Well, keep on reading, then."  
  
"Sure," he murmured, starting from the beginning. "'To Raye and   
Chad. How are you doing? Taking care of the Shrine well, I hope.'"   
Chad chuckled to himself, and continued. "'My trip is going very well.  
I am enjoying myself a lot, and learning quite a bit, too.'"  
  
"That's good," Raye interrupted with a smile as she tore the rest of   
the paper from the parcel. "At his age, it's good for him to travel   
and enjoy new experiences." Chad nodded his agreement, and Raye   
motioned for him to go on.  
  
"'Unfortunately, I won't be back in time for Christmas. But, as you   
both know, you do not need an old man like me in order to have fun   
during the holidays. Instead, I am sending along a little something   
for the two of you. I hope it will bring you both piles of holiday   
cheer! Enjoy it! I will see you soon. Grandpa.'" Chad slid the card  
back into the envelope and shrugged at Raye. "That's all it says."  
  
Sliding a fingernail along the piece of tape that held the box   
closed, Raye had the gift open instantly. Reaching in, she pulled out   
a large green bottle, and held it out for Chad to see.   
  
"It's wine," she said incredulously. "Imported Italian wine." Chad   
grinned, and took the bottle from her to examine the label.   
  
"1983" he mused, eyebrow raised. "A very good year." Raye merely  
shook her head in disbelief.   
  
"Why would my grandfather send us wine?" she asked. Chad didn't   
answer; rather, he continued to study the bottle he held in his hand.   
  
"I don't know that, Raye," he said finally. "However, I do know   
enough about wine to tell you that this bottle should be enjoyed   
alongside a wonderful dinner. It's not the sort of thing you'd serve   
every day." His eyes met hers, and he grinned. "What are your   
Christmas plans?"  
  
Raye gestured towards the mound of presents that were heaped next to  
her. "Well, none, really. I planned on staying in tonight, and   
getting everything ready for tomorrow. The girls and I are supposed to  
meet at Lita's tomorrow night for a gift exchange and get-together, but  
until then my schedule's empty." She paused. "Why?"  
  
"Hmm..." Chad appeared lost in thought. "That works out perfectly,   
then."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
He shrugged. "Well, I'm supposed to be spending most of tomorrow  
with Lita, until that party you just mentioned. But tonight, however,  
I have nothing to do." Chad grinned at her. "I've got a great idea,   
Raye," he said. "Why don't we have our own little Christmas   
celebration here? We can cook something nice to eat, bake a cake,   
and put up some lights. It would be the perfect opportunity to try out  
this wine your Grandpa sent, not to mention a really nice way for us   
to spend the evening. What do you think?"  
  
Raye nodded slowly. It was an appealing idea- more appealing than   
sitting alone in her room all evening. "Sure," she said finally. A   
wide smile sparkled across her features. "That would be a lot of fun."  
  
  
* * *  
  
Hours had passed.   
  
Amy regarded her apartment with grim satisfaction, winding the long,   
thin cord of her vacuum cleaner around its thick handle. The place   
was finally spotless, transformed from a dreary hovel into a   
comfortable nest with nothing more than some elbow grease and patience.  
The difference was dramatic and she was pleased with the results,   
having felt a twinge of her old self returning with every wipe of a   
rag. This was all she needed, she told herself. Distraction was the   
first step to healing.   
  
And she was nearly finished.  
  
Nearly.  
  
Her hair, still damp from a shower, curled around her ears and Amy   
absent-mindedly tugged at a strand, twirling it through her fingers as   
she stared at her surroundings. Painful realization scratched at her   
mind and she chewed her lower lip, trying to gather the strength to   
perform the final task that had awaited her the entire day.  
  
After a while she sighed and gripped the handle of the vacuum   
cleaner, dragging it across the room to deposit it in a closet. Taking  
a moment to survey the remaining contents, Amy finally pulled a heavy   
duffel bag from the top shelf. His.  
  
It was only one of the many personal possessions that had accumulated  
in her apartment over the period of four weeks that she and Darien had   
been dating. He'd stayed at her home often during that time, both  
agreeing that it was the better alternative. The location of Amy's   
residence meant infrequent visits from her friends and, therefore, a   
lesser chance of the two of them being caught together.   
  
So it came to be that her home was filled with dozens of reminders of  
him. Small things at first- a toothbrush, a comb. And then larger   
items. A shirt, a change of slacks, and a book of sonnets. Simple   
belongings, each of them a torment to look at. Amy knew that the only   
way she could fully recover- purge him from her mind as it were- was to  
get these things out of her sight. She moved from room to room,   
gathering the items and carefully placing them into the bag as though   
they were explosives ready to detonate at the slightest jolt.  
  
When she reached the bathroom she sighed, clearing the sink of his   
toiletries quickly with a smooth motion of her hand. Avoiding the   
watchful eyes of her reflection, she pulled open the glass door of her   
medicine cabinet, skimming the contents for anything else that belonged  
to *him*.  
  
~Damn it.~  
  
Her gaze fell upon a small black teardrop-shaped vial, and Amy felt   
her heart bury itself in her abdomen. Bold white letters traced   
themselves against the front, proudly declaring the contents within.   
*Drakkar Noir*. Darien's cologne.  
  
Without thinking she reached for the bottle, feeling the cool, smooth  
metal under her fingers. Amy choked back the grapefruit-sized lump in   
her throat and pulled off the cap to spray the air directly in front of  
her. Instantly, the room was filled with the spicy-sweet smell of him,  
clean and masculine all at once. Inhaling deeply, Amy felt the scent   
dance about her nose, clamping around her and sending a small jolt   
throughout her body.   
  
The smell that had haunted her for days now; the smell that lingered   
on his jacket, here it was. Overwhelming. Powerful. Suddenly he was   
there, and Amy allowed herself to be lost in the moment, picturing the   
feel of his gentle hands caressing the skin of her face, his lips   
tracing her earlobes. She imagined burying her face in the warmth of   
his throat, melting against him.   
  
~Impossible.~  
~Just let me be.~  
  
A sudden loud knock at her door startled her out of her trance,   
almost causing her to drop the bottle of cologne she still held in her   
shaking hand. Amy exhaled deeply, clearing her mind of the fog that   
had invaded it before shoving the cologne in the duffel with the rest   
of Darien's things.   
  
She strolled towards the door, distracted, as another knock resounded  
throughout her apartment. Had she stopped to think, she would have   
instantly guessed the impatient visitor's identity. Addled as she was,  
though, she found herself completely startled as a familiar voice   
addressed her from the outer hallway.  
  
"Amy, it's me. I've had enough of this. Let me in."  
  
Utter dismay froze her where she stood, her hand hovering over the   
brass doorknob while her mind raced with conflicting thoughts. Her   
emotions butted against one another like rams during mating season,   
each seeking to claim victory over her heart. A part of her wanted   
nothing more than to run and hide, covering her ears to block out the   
sound of his voice. Another, larger, part told her she should fling   
open the door and throw herself into his arms, forgetting all she had   
seen and endured as of late.   
  
But then there was the Smart Girl. The rational, logical, controlled  
part of her.  
  
"Amy, please."  
  
That piece of her conciousness had known all along that this would   
happen- had been expecting this very moment. Darien had appeared at   
her door several times within the past week, and every one of those   
times she'd acted as if she didn't hear him speaking to her. She'd   
ignored him, tried to drive him away. But this time, that part of her  
knew what had to be done.   
  
~You need to talk to him eventually.~  
  
It was true.  
  
She wanted to talk to him- wanted to tell him. Wanted desperately to  
make him understand why she'd behaved as she had. She was a coward,   
she knew it. But how could she possibly bear to hurt him? To break   
his heart when her own was already in pieces?   
  
Amy took a moment to compose herself, breathing deeply. If she was   
going to regain control, and return her life to something resembling   
normal, she would need to speak to him. That much was certain. But   
she was completely terrified- she felt like a Roman Gladiator being   
sent out to face the ravenous lions.   
  
~But were the Gladiator's ever in love with the beasts?~  
  
Shaking her head to clear the cobwebs in her brain, her hand finally   
closed around the doorknob. "You can do this," she whispered under her  
breath, not believing it for a moment. But the task needed to be done.  
She just needed to muster up enough courage...  
  
"Screw it."  
  
Before she could re-think her actions, she'd twisted the knob.   
Pulled open the door.  
  
Faced him.  
  
~Gods...~  
  
Darien leaned heavily on the doorframe, his figure looming and   
imposing in the limited light of the apartment hallway. Amy watched a   
brief expression of surprise flicker across his face- he clearly hadn't  
been expecting much of a reaction from her- replaced almost instantly   
by a cool stare, his eyes boring intensely into her own behind unruly   
locks of black hair.   
  
She felt her breath catch in her throat at the sight of him and set   
her jaw in fierce determination. Now wasn't the time for emotion, she   
reminded herself. It was a time for strength.   
  
For a moment they simply stared at one another, battling eachother   
without words. Each waited for the other to speak first, but neither   
did. Amy felt her breathing grow more rapid as increasing waves of   
doubt washed over her, mingling with the utter force of her purpose.  
  
~Do this!~ The smart girl yelled at her, yet she remained frozen in   
place, transfixed as his gaze became one of silent imploring. "Why are  
you doing this?" she could hear him asking. "Talk to me." Yet his   
mouth didn't move; he never really said a thing.  
  
It seemed an eternity that passed in silence between them, each   
second chipping dangerously away at her confidence. Amy watched him   
swallow, lick his lips. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
And that was it.   
  
At the sound of his voice, Amy felt every iota of strength in her   
body crumble away to nothingness. Her eyes stung suddenly, she   
couldn't breathe. Her throat seized up, choking away any words she may  
have had to say to him. It was as she'd feared after all. She was   
weak.  
  
The tears came quickly and easily, flowing down her face before she   
had the chance to brush them away and Amy mentally cursed at herself   
for failing- for not being as strong as she'd so desperately wanted to   
be. A thick sob escaped her. Her knees gave out and she almost   
collapsed, sighing as she felt herself caught. Warm arms enclosed her-  
his arms- and she didn't care.   
  
All she could do was cry.   
  
  
* * *   
  
The spicy aroma of still-baking Christmas cake spilled from the oven   
and spread throughout the kitchen, warming the small space where they   
prepared for their meal. Breathing in the rich fragrance that filled   
the room, Raye smiled to herself and tore a match from the book she   
held in her hand, scratching the red tip and causing it to ignite in a   
quick burst of sulfur-scented orange flame.   
  
"Dinner's almost ready," she called out, and lit the two candles that  
were placed on the dining room table. Chad grunted from his place in   
the next room where he was toying with the Christmas lights they had   
strung up for the occasion.   
  
"There. I'm done!" His voice ringed with satisfaction, and Raye   
looked up in wonder as hundreds of miniature lights began to shimmer   
above her, casting a radiant glow around the dining area. "How's that   
look?"  
  
Chad entered the room and turned off the overhead lights, leaving   
only the soft twinkle of the tiny bulbs and the two flickering flames   
on the table to illuminate their festive holiday meal. Raye glanced   
appreciatively around her, and met his gaze with a small smile. "It's   
beautiful," she said.  
  
"All the best for the lady of the house," Chad said with a wide grin.  
Raye giggled as he walked over to her and offered his arm in an   
exaggerated display of gentlemanly grace. Looping her arm in his, she   
allowed herself to be lead to her seat, where Chad made a show of   
pulling out her chair for her before taking his own seat across from   
her. "Some wine?" he offered, gesturing to the chilled bottle Raye's   
grandfather had sent to them. She cast him a brilliant smile and   
nodded at him, eager to sample her first taste of their 'gift'.   
  
"Please."  
  
When the drinks were poured, Chad cleared his throat and raised his   
glass, the firelight shining through the crystal making delicate shapes  
of light dance about the room. "I'd like to make a toast," he said  
finally, seriously. The golden lights that shone above circled his   
head, giving him an almost ethereal look. "To family." He paused, and  
lifted his eyes to meet hers, a little shyly, Raye thought. "Raye, you  
and your grandfather have welcomed me into your home, and your hearts.  
When I needed compassion, you gave me a family filled with love. There  
isn't a day that passes that I don't thank my lucky stars for stopping   
on these shrine stairs. I'm lucky for every moment I get to spend   
here," he smiled, "with you."   
  
Raye returned his smile and lifted her glass to meet his in a musical  
toast, the soft clinking of the wineglasses not unlike the sound of   
holiday bells. "That was very sweet of you to say, Chad," she said,   
taking a sip of the sweet wine she held. "I want you to know that I...  
that *we* feel the same way. We love having you here with us."  
  
A wide grin painted itself across Chad's features, and he laughed.   
"I'll bet you're just happy to have someone here to help with the   
chores!"  
  
Reveling in the sound of his laughter, Raye set her wine on the table  
before her. She couldn't help it; she loved the way his deep voice   
rumbled in his throat when he chuckled, and how his warm smile spread   
across his face. Tingles ran up her spine as she thought to herself   
that, finally, *she* was the one responsible for his good cheer. After  
all, moments shared between the pair had been anything but comfortable   
as of late; Raye was glad for the opportunity to spend an evening alone  
with him.  
  
~You're alone as friends, remember? Don't even think about it.~  
~Think about what?~  
~You know.~  
  
Raye's cheeks reddened as she mentally chided herself for admiring   
such things about Chad. Ducking her eyes to avoid his, she tried to   
change the subject. "So, Chad," she stammered. "Keeping with the   
spirit of the evening, and of the holidays, tell me your favorite   
Christmas memory."  
  
"My favorite Christmas memory?" Chad didn't appear to notice her   
temporary discomfort. Leaning back in his seat, he seemed deep in  
thought for a moment, staring into space as he remembered Christmases   
long-since passed. Finally, a dreamy smile lit up his features as he   
began. "Okay, I've got it... I was ten, and in boarding school." He   
adjusted himself on his chair and sat forward, staring intently into   
Raye's eyes as he prepared to tell his story.  
  
"It was my third year at that place," he began. "The 'Bradshaw   
School For Boys' it was called, and about half the kids in school were   
staying there over the holidays. That was by no means out of the   
ordinary. After all, the majority of our parents were simply too busy   
to waste time on something as trivial as the Christmas holidays." Raye  
searched for a hint of bitterness in Chad's voice, but found none.   
This was obviously a fact that he'd been forced to accept over the   
years.  
  
"Every year, the people at the school would put on this big Christmas  
party for us, taking care to make it as festive and jolly as possible.  
Looking back, I suppose they just wanted us to feel less lonely, less   
abandoned. Whether or not it did that really depended on the kid,  
I guess.   
  
"That year, we were all heading down for the big Christmas Eve dinner  
when one of my teachers approached me in the hall and asked me to meet   
him in his office. He didn't say a word as to what it was about,   
either; I was just instructed to go to his office. At the time, I   
assumed I'd been caught doing something wrong. I wasn't the most well-  
behaved child on the planet at that time, after all." Chad grinned at   
Raye before continuing. "But, when he opened the door I saw my parents  
standing there. They had canceled their business plans to come home   
and spend the holidays with me. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't   
because they felt guilty, or *bad* for leaving me at school... No, it   
wasn't that. They were there because they really wanted to be with me   
for Christmas. With *me*." Chad paused and stared off into space,   
distracted by his own memories.   
  
"We went home... *together*. And then the next day, we had the most   
amazing Christmas ever. My dad had bought me a new sled, and we spent   
the whole day traipsing up and down a hill on our property. We went   
sledding until it was dark, just me and him."  
  
Raye watched Chad's face light up as he told the story, and smiled.  
It was as if he were re-living the very moments he spoke of, only now,  
she could be right there beside him.  
  
"That night, my mom made this huge Christmas feast. A turkey,   
stuffing, mashed potatoes- the works. And what made it even more   
amazing was that she did it by herself. There were no servants there   
too cook for us, it being the holidays and all. It was just the three  
of us, in that big house all by ourselves," Chad chuckled to himself.  
"I can't for the life of me remember any meal she'd cooked before or   
after that night. And I've got to admit, it wasn't exactly the work of  
a top-notch chef, but the fact that my mom had gone to all that work   
just for me, well... that made it into a meal that no professional cook  
could ever surpass. We all ate until we thought our bellies would   
explode!" The two of them laughed softly at the mental image that went  
along with that comment.  
  
"After dinner, we sat by the fire and talked about our day, and all  
the things we were thankful for. And for once... well. It was just so  
nice to be spending time together like a real family. You know what I   
mean?"   
  
Chad smiled gently at the memories that danced in his mind, caught   
temporarily in a Christmas of long ago. For a moment, there was   
silence. Finally, Chad seemed to break from his reverie, and he   
grinned at Raye, an embarrassed flush spreading over his cheeks. "But,  
enough about me," he chuckled. "It's your turn. What's your most   
memorable Christmas?"  
  
Raye felt as though she would drown in the tide of recollection that   
flooded back to her upon hearing his words. Her holiday memories were  
painful ones, hard to dredge up. Plucking her wine glass from the   
table, she took a deep swallow of the liquid within, pausing for a   
moment before she started.  
  
"It happened a long time ago. When I was a little girl." She paused  
again, choosing her words carefully as Chad nodded for her to continue.  
"My mother always had a way of making the little things special; there   
was something... almost magical about her. She always put her whole   
heart in everything that she did, and the holidays were no exception.   
Christmas was always a huge deal at my house: decorations, parties,   
gifts... the works. Every year I got spoiled rotten," She laughed   
softly. "The thing is, it wasn't the presents that made me really   
happy. It was just being able to be with my mother, father and   
grandpa- the people that I loved. Family togetherness was always so   
important to my mother. She instilled that value in me at a very young  
age, and I was always eager to help her out in any way that I could."  
  
Chad smiled gently at her, glad to have her open up to him in such a   
way. He chuckled inwardly at the thought of Raye as a little girl, and  
tried to visualize what she may have looked like at that age. He   
pictured her with scraped knees, tousled hair and her large violet eyes  
opened wide, curious about everything around her.   
  
~How things change,~ he mused. He couldn't help but admire the woman  
she'd become. Scraped knees had grown to be a part of gorgeous legs   
that stretched nearly to infinity. Messy hair had been tamed and now   
lay, long and sleek, in silken waves down her back. But her eyes...   
Chad imagined that her eyes had changed the most; they were still   
inquisitive, but now they possessed the beauty and depth that only life  
experience and knowledge can bring.  
  
Perhaps it was the wine, or maybe the candlelight. Chad didn't know.  
But at that moment, he let himself revel in the familiar feeling of   
desiring Raye. She looked so beautiful to him then, in her gown of   
crimson silk, her lips glittering with strawberry gloss. He did   
nothing to stop himself from being attracted to her at that time; no   
thoughts of Lita could do such things now. Rather, he welcomed the   
feeling, admiring her fine features and graceful movements. He was   
attracted to her as a man, and admired her for being what she was at   
that time: a gorgeous woman.  
  
When she finally continued speaking, Chad turned his attention back   
to her story, sipping his wine as her tale unfolded.  
  
"Every year my mother made gingerbread houses," she said, her voice   
soft. "I always used to sit with her at the counter as she decorated,  
sneaking candies when I thought she wasn't looking. Following   
tradition one year, I took my seat at the counter and watched with   
hungry eyes as she set out the bowls of candy and the large sheets of   
gingerbread.  
  
"I watched as she assembled the house with practiced hands, knowing   
exactly how to place the pieces together and precisely where she should  
put the icing. I was trying to sneak a candy, as usual, when my   
mother caught me. I was afraid that she was going to scold me, and   
tell me that I should wait until the house was decorated to eat the   
candy, but instead she asked for my help." Raye smiled at the memory.  
"With shaking hands I tried to build the house as well as she did. I   
really wanted to make it perfect for her, but... in the end it looked   
like a tsunami had struck it. I was absolutely devastated that I   
couldn't do it as well as I'd seen her in years past; I just wanted so   
badly to impress her. And I felt like a real failure because I   
couldn't." She laughed dryly.   
  
"My mother assured me that it was the most beautiful gingerbread   
house that she had ever seen, and she told me that the *reason* why it   
was so beautiful was that it was because we had worked on it together.  
Then she promised me that from that year on, we would make them   
together. With each passing year, she told me, I would get better and   
better. I could hardly wait until the next year." Raye's voice   
tightened as she fought back the tears that had sprung forth.   
"Unfortunately, that was the last gingerbread house I ever built. Soon  
after that Christmas, my mother grew sick, and by November, she was   
dead." A tear crept down her face, followed by another, and Raye   
brushed them away with the back of her hand.   
  
"My father didn't know what to do with me. He was a politician, not   
used to taking care of a seven-year-old kid. Dealing with me had been   
my mother's department, and with her gone he was completely lost.   
Finally, he brought me here to live with Grandpa."  
  
Raye's voice trembled, and Chad reached out to hold her hand in his.   
"I was so young at the time," she continued finally, "I don't think I   
really understood what was going on around me, or why my father left.   
Looking back, I guess he just needed to deal with my mother's death in   
his own way. That Christmas, it was just Grandpa and I. We both were   
hurting so much; he too was grieving the loss of my mother, his only   
child. Still, we tried our best to deal with it and to try to make   
Christmas as wonderful as my mother had. He and I decorated, baked  
cookies. You know, typical Christmas tasks. But... it just wasn't the  
same without her. We both knew it, though we made a point not to talk   
about it.  
  
"I woke up early that morning and went into my Grandpa's room to wake  
him up. Old habits die hard, I guess; I was still only seven at the   
time. I found him sitting on the edge of his bed with the saddest look  
on his face; a look of pure pain that I don't think I will ever forget.  
It was the first and only time I'd ever seen my grandfather cry." Raye  
drew a shaky breath. "I walked over to him, and I asked him what was   
wrong; why he was crying. With tear-filled eyes, Grandpa told me that   
it was because he missed my mother. He was sorry, he said, that he  
couldn't make Christmas as special for me as my mother did. I just   
remember holding him tight, and telling him it was okay, that it wasn't  
his fault. He and I cried for a long time in each other's arms, and it  
was then I finally realized that my mother was *gone*. She wasn't   
coming back, and things would never, ever be the same. Despite having   
my grandfather there, I don't think I've ever felt so... so alone."   
  
As she finished her voice cracked and renewed tears filled her eyes.  
"Look at me," she said finally with a laugh. "It's been years; you'd   
think I could deal with it by now." She sighed. "I'm pathetic, aren't  
I?" Chad tightened his grip on her hand.   
  
"Don't you dare say that, Raye. You are *not* pathetic." He cast   
her a gentle smile. "I am so sorry for everything you've been through.  
Of all the people in the world, I *know* what it's like to be alone   
around the holidays. I know the pain that comes with it, and I want   
you to know that you'll never have to feel that way again. I'll always  
be here for you, no matter what. Nothing will change that. Ever."  
  
Raye said nothing. Instead, she focused on the hand that held her   
own so tightly, and smiled softly. Following her gaze, Chad found   
himself looking at the same thing. A sudden heat from deep within   
filled him,   
~Those are dangerous thoughts you're having.~  
~Shut up. Just shut up.~   
and he pulled away from her as though burned.   
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered. Raye shook her head, and forced a smile.  
  
"About what?" she said with false cheer. "We'd better get eating;   
the food's getting cold." Across from her, Chad nodded.   
  
"Yeah, you're right. This looks great by the way." He took a large   
bite of the pasta in front of him, and sighed. "It's delicious."  
  
Raye grinned. "You should see what I've cooked up for desert."   
  
  
* * *   
  
They held one another on the sofa; he with his arms wrapped gently   
around her- she with her face buried in his chest. It seemed like an   
eternity that they were silent, listening only to the hushed sounds of   
her weeping and the comforting murmur of his voice in her ear.   
  
"Shh, Angel. It will be okay."  
  
He ran his fingers through her hair, over her skin- smooth and white   
and slick as wet marble from her still-flowing tears. He kissed her   
forehead, nuzzled her ear. "It's all right," he whispered.   
  
Amy sobbed, and clutched him tighter. "I didn't mean to hurt you,"   
she whimpered, her voice thick from crying. "It was just those dreams-  
they were horrible." She shuddered.   
  
"They must have been." Darien shifted and pulled her closer to him,   
her trembling form tucked comfortably in his arms. "I just wish you   
would have told me sooner, instead of running off and ignoring me. We   
could have talked about things, worked something out together."  
  
For a moment, he could have sworn he heard a smile in Amy's voice.   
"You're one to talk," she muttered. "What about when you had those   
dreams about Serena? I don't remember you being so eager to offer up   
an explanation to her." Darien paused.  
  
"You're right. I didn't. And look how that turned out." He sighed.  
"You shouldn't have pushed me away, Amy. We could have resolved this   
days ago, if I'd only known what was going on."  
  
Amy sat up suddenly, her eyes meeting his intently. "Don't you think  
I considered that?" She frowned. "I tried to dismiss the dreams at   
first, I really did. I pushed them to the back of my mind, refusing to  
worry about them- and that worked, for a week or so. But I'm only so   
strong..." Amy trailed off, a faraway gaze in her eyes as she again   
recalled the horrific dreams. "For weeks, I watched my friends die,   
Darien. I watched *you* die. Night after night after night."  
  
"I'm sure it was horrible," Darien said comfortingly. "But, Amy...  
they're just dreams."  
  
She didn't say anything for a moment. Slowly, she pulled away from   
him, her eyes fixated on the floor. "I knew you would say that," she   
whispered. "And that's why I didn't tell you: I knew you'd just tell   
me to ignore them; that my guilty conscience was giving me nightmares."  
She shook her head. "I couldn't just forget about them, though. If   
they really were premonitions of a future with us together, then it put  
the lives of everyone I care about in jeopardy, you included. I   
couldn't risk it; I knew our relationship would have to be a brief one.  
Regardless of what I wanted for myself." Tears sparkled like diamonds   
on her cheeks.  
  
"The problem is, I was selfish. I knew I should end things, put a   
stop to our temporary romance... but I couldn't. The more time I spent  
with you, the more I *wanted* to spend with you. I became greedy for  
your affection. It had just been so long..." She trailed off and   
Darien reached out a gentle hand to caress her face. "I tried to fool  
myself into thinking what we had wasn't serious... that we were just   
having fun. I didn't want to admit that I-" she blinked, sending the   
tears cascading down her cheeks. "That I was falling in love with   
you."   
  
Unsure of how to reply, Darien said nothing at first. He pulled her   
against him in a tender embrace, once against feeling her tears soak   
his chest through his shirt. "Amy-" he began. Amy cut him off.   
  
"I'm so sorry that I hurt you," she whispered. "But I snapped that   
night, when you told me you loved me. I couldn't bear the thought.   
After spending so many weeks convincing myself it shouldn't happen, it   
*did*. You felt the same way." Darien hugged her tighter. "And when   
you mentioned spending future months together... my heart broke,   
Darien, knowing that those months could never be shared as the both of  
us wanted. I did the only thing I could think of: I tried to push you   
away."   
  
Once again there was silence. Darien gently stroked her back,   
running his hands over her small frame in a soothing gesture. "I   
understand, now." He said finally, his breath hot in her ear.   
"Believe me, Amy. I do. These dreams of yours are disconcerting,   
without a doubt; and we will deal with this problem. I promise you,   
we'll figure out something." He kissed her forehead, tucked a strand   
of hair behind her ear. "Whatever we do, though, we'll do it   
together." He felt her nod against him.   
  
"You're right," she agreed, her voice soft. "We'll find a way to   
handle this."  
  
"But not tonight," Darien added gently. Amy lifted her eyes to his,   
meeting them with a questioning look. "It's Christmas Eve," he   
explained. "And if you don't mind, I'd like to spend it in peace with   
the woman I love. I realize the place doesn't look very festive right   
now..."  
  
Amy sniffled and sat up, taking in the dark, bland surroundings of   
her apartment. "I haven't exactly been in the mood to decorate   
lately," she explained. "Sorry."  
  
Darien merely grinned, squeezing her hand affectionately in his.   
"It's nothing that can't be fixed," he told her. "That is, if you're   
in the mood to help me."  
  
Forcing a weak smile, Amy nodded, trying to push aside the nagging   
doubt that screamed for attention inside of her. It was the holidays,  
after all. Only one night. One night couldn't hurt- could it?  
  
  
* * *   
  
Chad groaned and leaned back in his chair, his hand resting on his full  
stomach as an empty plate that once contained seconds stared back at  
him. "That was fantastic," he grinned, raising his glass to his lips   
to drain the last of its contents. "I honestly couldn't eat another   
bite."  
  
Raye returned his smile and poured herself more wine, watching as the  
ruby liquid splashed and swirled inside the glass, catching the light   
in tones of garnet and crimson. "Thank you," she said softly, and   
sipped her drink. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." With a sigh, she   
settled into her seat and stared at the now-dwindling candlesticks   
that adorned their dinner table. "I just love Christmas, don't you?"   
she said finally.   
  
"It's okay," Chad replied, standing up and gathering the dinner   
dishes together. "I haven't exactly had the most positive holiday   
experiences, after all. That story I told you earlier... well. Let's   
just say that it was a one-time thing." Arms loaded, he disappeared   
into the kitchen.   
  
"I realize that, sometimes, Christmas can be a let-down." She   
continued when he'd returned. "I've had my share of disappointment   
myself, but..." Raye trailed off, her eyes fixated on the flames before  
her. "Despite all that, I can't help but feel hope at this time of  
year." She paused. "I don't know why. It's not a religion thing- I'm  
not Christian. But despite that, I still see a significance to these   
days that I can't quite put my finger on. Perhaps it's because this is  
the one time each year people will bother to get along, or take the   
time to appreciate the people they have in their lives.  
  
Across from her, Chad nodded slowly. "I see your point, Raye. And I  
agree. At this time of year, friends... and family... are important.   
After all, what would the holidays be without love? Meaningless, I   
suppose." He smiled. "But, tell me. How do you show *your* thanks.   
What do you do to show these people that you care about them? That   
you're grateful for their friendship?"  
  
Raye said nothing for a moment. Rather, she stared dreamily at the   
lights that shone above her. Eventually, she turned her gaze to meet   
his.   
  
"Close your eyes," she said. Chad blinked.  
  
"What?"  
  
Raye laughed suddenly, and grinned at him. "Just close your eyes,   
Chad. I have something for you." She stood up and Chad complied,   
forcing his eyes tightly shut.   
  
"What is this about?" He asked. Raye waved a hand in front of his  
face to be sure he wasn't peeking, and chuckled.   
  
"You'll see in a moment," she told him. "Just wait here." With his  
eyes closed, Chad could hear Raye leave the room briefly, then return.  
"Keep them shut, Chad," she warned as she entered.  
  
"They're shut," he laughed, listening to her shuffle around somewhere  
to his left. "When can I see?" Raye giggled.  
  
"Okay, open your eyes."  
  
When he did so, he was met by the sight of Raye standing before him,  
a shy smile on her face. She was concealing something behind her back.  
"What is it?" he asked, grinning. Raye blushed slightly, and held her   
arm out to reveal the gift. Chad's eyes widened.  
  
Raye was holding a beautiful acoustic guitar, with a floppy red   
ribbon tied around its neck. The varnished wood gleamed as it   
reflected the limited light of the room, and Chad reached out and ran   
his fingers over the smooth surface.  
  
"Wow," he whispered, his voice awed. "It's gorgeous." His eyes   
traveled over the instrument in gentle appreciation.   
  
"It's yours," Raye said, and handed it to him.  
  
Cradling it as though it were an infant, Chad pulled the guitar into   
his arms. Softly he plucked the strings, tuning it straightaway as   
Raye watched, a pleased expression on her face. "Do you like it?"  
  
"It's the best gift I've ever been given," he murmured, tracing the   
wooden outline with a hesitant finger. His eyes lifted from the   
instrument and met hers with curiosity. "Where did you get it? A   
guitar like this must have cost you a mint!" He shook his head in   
disbelief. "You shouldn't have, Raye."  
  
Raye shrugged, waving of his remark with a gesture of the hand.   
"Actually, it wasn't that much. See, it's not a new guitar." Chad   
stared at her incredulously  
  
"You're kidding, right?" he asked. "Look at his thing... the finish   
is absolutely perfect. Not a scratch on it. The strings are brand   
new, the neck is straight... it's beautiful." Raye gave him a shy   
smile, and sat down opposite him.   
  
"I found it about two and a half months ago, actually. At a used   
instrument shop," she told him. "It was in the window, and it caught   
my attention instantly. It just screamed your name, so I ran in and   
bought it right away." She laughed under her breath. "Actually, I   
purchased it before thinking. No sooner had I paid for it, then I   
realized that I couldn't exactly bring it back here with me. I mean,   
you might have seen it. So, I negotiated to have it delivered here."   
She smiled, and Chad took a drink of his wine.   
  
"Actually," she said offhandedly, "I think the day it was delivered   
was the same day you and Lita started dating."  
  
Chad nearly choked.  
  
"Really?" he asked casually. Raye nodded and touched one of the   
candles with an index finger, feeling the hot wax harden against it.   
  
"Yeah," she said, picking at the wax that coated her fingertip.   
"While you were giving her a botany lesson, I was outside waiting for   
the delivery boy to drop off this guitar." She laughed. "I was so   
worried you'd come out and see it, but I really shouldn't have. I   
guess you were otherwise distracted at the time, huh?"  
  
She giggled, and Chad mentally slapped himself. He felt physically   
sick suddenly, as realization struck him like a ton of bricks. That   
day, he'd looked out the window, only to see Raye flirting with a   
handsome guy outside. He'd given up on loving her then, and agreed to   
date Lita in his quest to 'move on'. He'd been an idiot.  
  
~All the while, the guy was just there to deliver my Christmas   
present.~  
  
Chad felt like a royal asshole.   
  
Deep in thought, he ran his hand over the smooth finish of the   
guitar. Several moments of silence passed.   
  
"What are you thinking about?" Raye asked finally, watching his hand  
stroke the varnished wood. He shrugged.   
  
"I was just thinking that this guitar is in pretty remarkable   
condition for a used instrument," he lied. "You must have really   
lucked out in finding this." Raye shook her head, and laughed.  
  
"Oh, it was in horrible shape," she told him. "It needed a few new   
coats of stain and varnish, as well as new strings. The neck was   
twisted, and there were a couple of really deep scratches in the wood   
when I first picked it up." She blushed then, and took a sip of her   
wine before she spoke again. "During my spare time for the past few   
weeks, I've been working on restoring it for you; trying to get it back  
to its original condition."  
  
For a moment, Chad felt he would cry. For over five years, he'd been  
in love with Raye. And yet, he turned his back on her when he thought   
she was interested in another man. Knowing that she had put so much   
energy into his Christmas gift- that she'd done it just to make him   
happy- nearly killed him. The guitar in his lap suddenly took on a   
deep significance. He couldn't speak.  
  
"Chad, are you okay?"  
  
He didn't reply at first. Rather, he stared at the wineglass in his   
hand, trying to comprehend his own stupidity. "Chad?"  
  
"I have something for you, too," he said finally. "But I don't want   
to give it to you." Raye raised an eyebrow, completely taken aback.  
  
"Why? What's wrong, Chad?"  
  
He heaved a deep sigh and met her eyes with his own, an obvious pain   
marring his features. "Don't you see, Raye? I can't give you my gift  
now. Not after you've given me something so wonderful. How is it   
possibly supposed to compare? You deserve so much more than the paltry  
trinket I've got hidden in my closet." He shook his head. "No. I   
can't give you your gift, Raye. I'm sorry. If you're willing to wait   
a couple days, I'll go out, and I'll get you something better. I'll-"  
  
"What are you talking about? Chad, this isn't some sort of   
competition. I didn't give you that guitar to try to *outdo* you in   
any way. It's not like that at all. I'm glad you like your gift   
because, really, that was all that I wanted. To be able to do   
something special for you, because you're my friend." She reached out,  
and clasped his hand in her own, gazing deeply into his eyes. "You've  
got to understand, that it isn't about who got whom the best gift. I   
don't care *what* it is you've got stowed away for me. I'll love it   
because it's from *you*. Because *you* put the effort into finding   
something that you thought I might enjoy." She flicked away a strand   
of hair that had fallen into her eye. Then she smiled. "Now, please.  
Can I see my present?"  
  
Chad couldn't help but smile. "Okay," he said finally, standing up.  
"I'll go get it."  
  
He returned soon after with a foil-wrapped box in his hands, his eyes  
cast downwards. "Now, it's not much," he said as he handed it to her,  
and Raye rolled her eyes.   
  
"I thought we've been over this," she said, admiring Chad's rather   
child-like wrapping job. "I know I'll love it." Carefully, she  
removed the paper from the gift and uncovered a small box. Lifting the  
lid, she pulled out the protective paper shield that covered the gift  
itself, and smiled.   
  
"It's beautiful, Chad," she whispered, and pulled out a silver   
picture frame. It glittered with the dozens of crystalline beads that  
adorned it, surrounding the small photo that lay behind the glass.  
  
"That was the only picture I could find," said Chad shyly. Raye   
ran her finger along the edge of the frame, and stared at the portrait  
within.  
  
The photograph was one of Raye's favorites, taken outside the shrine   
during the busy Cherry Blossom festival. It showed the two of them in   
their standard Shinto garb, grinning at the camera as soft, pink   
blossoms rained down around them. Mina had been the one to take the   
photo, insisting that Chad put his arm around Raye's shoulders in a   
nice, 'friendly' pose. At the time, Raye had been mortified beyond   
belief, humiliated that her friend would pull such a stunt in an   
obvious attempt to pair the two together. But now, looking at the   
picture in her hands, she was quite happy with the way it had turned   
out.   
  
"I love this one." She stood up, and walked over to where Chad was   
standing, wrapping her arms around his chest and pulling him into a   
hug. "Thank you so much," she whispered. Surprised, he didn't react   
at first. Then, with the heat of her body against his, he brought his   
hands up to her back and pulled her closer.   
  
~This embrace... so good.~  
  
The last time he'd held her, they'd been in the bathroom. And so   
much trouble had come of it.  
  
~You can't do this again,~ his inner voice scolded.  
  
He knew he should pull away. He had to. But he couldn't. She felt   
so right in his arms.   
  
~Just another minute.~  
  
Embarrassed, Raye suddenly stepped back and gave him a radiant smile.  
"I told you I'd love whatever you had to give me," she giggled. Chad   
just stared at her. "Now, come on. Enough standing around. Let's   
have Christmas cakes."  
  
  
* * *   
  
The apartment didn't look entirely festive yet; but it was getting   
there. Twinkling foil stars glittered on the yellow walls, surrounded   
by a rainbow of tinsel trees, snowmen, and reindeer. A fat plastic   
Santa Claus flashed a brilliant white smile, rosy cheeks and all, from  
the nearby oak coffee table.   
  
In the multicolored glow of haphazardly-hung Christmas lights, Amy   
and Darien sat comfortably on the couch, stringing up kernels of   
popcorn to create a garland for a rather sad-looking houseplant that   
stood in the corner.  
  
"We'll never get this done if you don't stop eating the corn." Amy   
reddened at Darien's teasing, running her needle and thread through a   
particularly fluffy piece.   
  
"You're doing it, too," she giggled. "Besides, it doesn't matter.  
That was the last bit; we're done." She tied a knot in the string with  
flourish, scissoring the excess with her teeth. "See?" Amy gently   
held the strand between her fingertips, careful not to crush any of the  
fragile kernels of popcorn. "How's it look?"   
  
"I don't know," Darien replied with a smile. He stood up, and took   
the garland from her hands. "Let's see." Striding over to the   
makeshift Christmas tree, Darien draped the fragrant string across the   
fern. He watched with humor as the weak branches sagged from the   
minimal weight of its burden, and laughed. "That is the most pathetic   
Christmas tree I've even seen," he chuckled.  
  
Amy giggled and joined him in front of the droopy plant. "I think it  
just needs a little love," she said, standing on her tip-toes to   
capture his lips with her own. Instantly, his arms snaked around her,   
pulling her closer as he savored the first kiss they'd shared in days.  
  
"I've missed that," Darien said when they'd pulled apart. Amy   
reached down and clasped his hand, looping her fingers through his as   
she melted against his chest. She said nothing for a moment, merely   
staring at the Christmas tree that could have rivaled Charlie Brown's   
in its lack of splendor.   
  
"So have I," she whispered finally, feeling the rise and fall of his  
chest beneath her cheek. She felt the gentle brush of his fingers   
trailing over her cheek, caressing the velvety skin there.   
  
"Amy?" he whispered finally. She didn't move, merely nodding her   
head to show she was listening to him. "In the spirit of the   
season..." Darien trailed off.   
  
"What?" she murmured, feeling him pull away.   
  
He paused a moment, as if considering what he was about to say. "I   
brought you something," he said finally. "It's nothing major. Not   
like... not like before. I just wanted to bring you a gift to   
celebrate Christmas." His brow furrowed, as if concerned about her   
reaction. "Please, don't run away from this one,"  
  
Amy bit her lip. "I'm sorry I did that, Darien." Closing the   
distance between them, she threw her arms around his neck and buried   
her face in his collar as if to prove her point. "I really didn't   
mean to hurt you." Feeling his arms close around her, she giggled   
suddenly. "Think of it this way," she said. "I don't have anywhere   
to run now."   
  
With a chuckle, Darien kissed her forehead and pulled away, making   
his way towards the thick winter jacket he'd worn over. Pulling it off  
of its place on the coat rack, he reached inside to retrieve a small   
rectangular package, wrapped in glittering foil.   
  
He handed it to her wordlessly, taking a seat next to her on the sofa  
as she regarded the gift with a small smile. "I hope you like it," he  
said, watching her begin to unwrap it.  
  
Amy peeled away the decorative paper, revealing a small wooden box.   
Delicate carved snowflakes danced across the surface of the lid,   
sparkling with the varnish that covered the dark cherry wood. "It's   
beautiful," she murmured, tracing the edge of a snowflake with her   
finger.   
  
"Turn it over," Darien told her and she did, revealing a small brass   
crank on the base. "It's a music box." He watched as she turned the   
crank, winding it and opening the lid. A familiar tune filled the   
room, a thin and tinny-sounding melody.  
  
"Pachebel's Canon," Amy whispered. "You remembered."   
  
Darien grinned. "Of course I did," he said. "I saw that, and it   
reminded me of you." Amy leaned forward, placing the music box on the   
coffee table in front of them, lid open.   
  
"Thank you," said Amy. She leaned forward and brushed her lips   
against his. "I love it." The song played on as Amy settled against   
Darien's chest. He wrapped and arm around her shoulder, pulling her   
closer.  
  
"Oh," she remarked suddenly, as if remembering something. "I've   
got something, too." She pulled away from him and stood up, running  
into her bedroom.  
  
"I actually picked it up a couple of weeks ago," she told him when   
she'd returned, a plastic bag in hand. Then, she frowned. "But with   
everything that's happened, I haven't wrapped it."  
  
"Don't worry about it," Darien said. "You didn't have to get   
anything, I just-"  
  
"I know," Amy interrupted. "But I wanted to. When I was at your   
place, I noticed that there was a hole in your collection and I wanted   
to fill that." She handed him the bag and Darien smiled, reaching in   
to pull out a hard-covered book.  
  
"Paradise Lost," Darien murmured, reading the title. "I've been   
meaning to get a copy of this for a while. It's one of my favorites."  
  
"I remembered you telling me that," she explained. "And when I saw   
you didn't have it yet, I had to pick it up." She paused, watching him  
open the front cover with his thumb.   
  
"There's writing here." He read the note Amy had written with a   
gentle smile, his eyes tracing the small black handwriting that filled  
the upper left corner of the book cover.   
  
  
'A good book is the precious lifeblood of a master spirit,   
embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life.'   
I hope you can treasure this good book.  
  
Yours,  
Amy.  
  
  
Darien ran his hand over the message, before shutting the book and   
placing it next to Amy's music box. "I'll treasure it *forever*," he   
said, pulling her towards him. He felt her eyelashes brush his cheek,   
and he closed his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered into her hair.   
  
"It's no big deal," she replied, shifting against him. "I knew you   
would like it."  
  
His fingers captured her chin and he tilted her face towards him,   
looking into her eyes.   
  
"I wasn't talking about the book," he said. And he covered her mouth  
with his own.  
  
For the first time in weeks, Amy didn't think about fate, or about   
her plague of dreams.   
  
~I need this,~ she thought.   
  
She needed to be held. Needed to feel loved. Needed to be *needed*.  
  
Even if it were only for a night.  
  
Darien's hands ran through her hair, over her curves, and she   
responded. Almost violently they kissed one another, their bodies   
aching with mutual desire. His lips trailed fire over her skin,  
burning her. With each caress, she could feel him speak. "I want you.  
I missed you."   
  
Amy felt her lips crushed with the bruising force of his own and she  
drank him in, savoring every delicious moment. Frenzied fingers   
clasped at buttons, tore at belt buckles. She breathed a rapturous   
sigh.  
  
As she was swept from the couch and into her bedroom, Amy could hear   
nothing but the gentle melody of her music box and the thunderous roar   
of her heartbeat in her ears.   
  
  
* * *   
  
"You stepped on his head?" Chad clutched at his sides, laughing so   
hard it seemed he would injure himself.   
  
"It wasn't funny. I think I really hurt him," snorted Raye. Curling  
a leg underneath her, she took a drink from the glass she still held in  
her hand and laughed. "Obviously it didn't work out between us."  
  
The two had long since finished dinner, and were now settled on the   
couch sharing embarrassing stories from a time before they had met.   
Chad shook his head in disbelief, his eyes watering. "Oh, but that's   
hilarious," he sputtered, trying to calm down. "Somehow, I have a hard  
time picturing you being so clutzy."  
  
"Well, I envy you that!" Raye giggled. "Personally, I can't quite   
shake the mental image of you in drag."  
  
"Hey, in my own defense, it was Halloween and I was just a kid!"   
Chad blushed. "I knew I never should have told you that."  
  
"Don't worry about it, Chad. I won't tell anyone." She giggled   
again, and looked into her wineglass. "Well, I need a refill," she   
said finally, offering her glass towards him. "Mind topping me off?"  
  
As he plucked it from her fingertips, Raye yawned, and reclined   
comfortably on the sofa. "That wasn't even my most traumatic   
experience in the romance department, if you can believe it," she   
continued, watching him pour the last of the wine. He raised an   
eyebrow and handed over her drink, depositing the now-empty bottle on   
the floor next to the sofa.   
  
"Is that so?" he asked, a bemused smile on his lips. Raye laughed  
and swirled about the liquid in her glass, creating a garnet whirlpool  
between the tips of her fingers.  
  
"No. The worst experience I've ever had with a guy would definitely   
have to be my first kiss," she said. "It was horrible. I was only   
twelve at the time; the guy had to have been at least fifteen." There   
was a pause as Raye took a sip of her drink, frowning at the memory.   
"I was working then, sweeping the steps of the shrine like I always  
do, when he approached me. I'd seen him around before; he visited   
often, in those days, and we'd even spoken on a couple of occasions.   
  
"That day I greeted him as usual. We exchanged pleasantries, and   
talked about the weather for a while. We seemed to be having a totally  
normal conversation until..." Raye trailed off, and rolled her eyes.   
"All of a sudden, out of the blue, he grabbed me, pulled me towards   
him, and kissed me. I can't remember ever being more disgusted; he   
just shoved his tongue down my throat, and injected about a liter of   
saliva into my mouth." She shuddered, and then laughed suddenly.   
"Little did he know, Grandpa was just around the corner. He caught the  
whole thing!"  
  
Across from her, Chad burst out laughing, imagining how Raye's   
grandfather must have reacted to such a sight. "What did he do?" he   
asked, sitting up so suddenly he nearly spilled his drink. Raye   
grinned at him.  
  
"Well," she continued, "he didn't take it well. Before the guy could  
so much as offer an excuse, Grandpa was chasing him around the grounds   
with a broom, threatening all sorts of violence against him."  
  
The two burst into hysterics, wiping away tears that threatened to   
spill over their reddened cheeks. Chad rubbed his hand across his   
tender side, which ached from laughing too hard, and smiled at Raye.   
"That's horrible," he said finally, shifting in his seat at the end of  
the sofa. "What a little prick! At least he got what he deserved."   
Raye nodded.  
  
"He sure did," she giggled. "And then some." Lifting her glass to   
her lips, Raye sipped the liquid within, gazing at Chad over the   
crystalline rim. "What about you?" she asked finally, setting her   
drink on a nearby table. "What were your earliest romances like? You   
must have a few horror stories to tell."  
  
"A few," he admitted, nodding his head. "Nothing as major as the   
experiences you've mentioned; I've never accidently stepped on anyone's  
head before," he chortled to himself, and Raye swatted playfully at   
him. "But, I've been jerked around a bit, hurt a few times. Nothing   
out of the ordinary, really." He paused thoughtfully, and frowned.   
"My earliest pain and suffering can be traced to one girl in   
particular, though. A girl I went to school with."  
  
Raye raised an eyebrow. "I'd love to hear about this," she grinned.  
Chad merely shrugged.  
  
"It's not that big a deal, really," he said. "It was a long time ago  
and I was just a kid, in my last few years of high school." He took a   
sip of his drink and sighed. "Her name was Whitney, and I first met   
her when I was fifteen. Did I *ever* fall hard."  
  
"What did she look like?" asked Raye. Chad scratched his head, and   
took another sip of his drink.  
  
"She was pretty," he said. "Very petite, actually. She had wavy   
platinum-blonde hair, and eyes so blue they were like ice." He   
chuckled. "Sad to say, her personality was much the same. She could   
freeze you with a single glance, she was that cold. Born to a family   
of means, she had a 'holier than thou' attitude that drove most people   
to either fear or despise her."  
  
"She sounds horrible," Raye muttered, wrinkling her nose. "How could  
you ever be attracted to someone like that?" Chad shrugged again.  
  
"I don't know what drew me to her," he admitted. "She was absolutely  
vile. But still, there was something about her. I mean, it wasn't   
that she had money- I had plenty of my own. Rather, she was completely  
untouchable. Perfect, really. At least, I thought so." He paused.   
"You know how some women are really attracted to the 'dangerous' type  
of man? The 'bad boys'?" Raye nodded. "Well, I think it was like   
that for me. Don't get me wrong, I was never the most popular guy in   
school; however, I had no trouble finding dates. Had I wanted to go   
out with a nice girl, I wouldn't have had the least bit of trouble.   
With Whitney, it was different."  
  
"How so?" Raye inquired, retrieving her drink from the table. Chad   
sighed.   
  
"Well, for one thing, she never showed any interest in me." He   
chuckled to himself. "I know, that sounds stupid, but it's the truth.  
In Whitney, I saw a challenge, a goal. No one could get near her, and  
I guess I felt it was my duty to try. I suppose I thought I could   
'tame' her, get her to mellow out a little."  
  
"Turn her into a human being?" Raye quipped.  
  
"Something like that. Anyway, she became my obsession; one that   
would haunt me for nearly two years." He rolled his eyes. "Was I ever  
pathetic; I followed her everywhere. Classes I had with her became the  
center of my day. I even learned Spanish when I found out she needed a  
tutor. I was," he laughed, "an absolute loser. I can admit it."  
  
Raye giggled, and sipped her drink. "How cute," she laughed. Chad   
snorted.  
  
"Yeah, real cute," he muttered. "Not that it mattered in the least;   
she never noticed me. It wasn't until graduation that I was finally   
able to tell her how I felt about her. Breaking through the crowd of   
people that surrounded her- there were *always* people surrounding her   
back then- I asked her if she would come for a walk with me." With a   
shake of the head, Chad finished the last of his wine in a single gulp   
and placed the empty glass next to the wine bottle on the floor. "I   
must have looked like an idiot- all decked out in my tuxedo with a   
wilted bouquet clutched in my sweaty palms. I don't know what I was   
thinking- I figured she'd turn me down for sure. But to my surprise,   
she didn't. She accepted my invitation and before I knew it the two of  
us were walking side-by-side through the expansive gardens of the   
country club where our ceremony had been held.  
  
"Within a few minutes of strolling, Whitney stopped walking and asked  
what I wanted with her. I swear, Raye. For the rest of my life, I'll  
remember the sight of those ice-blue eyes flashing with a combination   
of curiosity and annoyance. Suddenly, I felt about two inches tall.   
Try as I might, I couldn't quite spit out the words that were in my   
heart; I had gone completely mute."  
  
From her place opposite him on the couch, Raye cast him a sympathetic  
look. "Then what happened?" she asked. Chad shrugged.  
  
"Not much. There was an uncomfortable silence for a while, until   
Whitney got sick of waiting for my reply. She threatened to leave if I  
didn't speak to her, and then turned on her heel to storm away. I   
guess that's when the floodgates burst; before I knew it, I was   
spilling my guts, filling her in on everything from my two-year crush,   
to the lengths I'd went to just to be with her. I don't know if I   
expected her to be flattered, or if I just didn't want her to leave.   
Either way, she just stared at me with this look of disbelief on her   
face. And absolute shock." Chad sighed, and pushed his bangs out of   
his eyes. There was a pregnant pause.  
  
"What did she say?" Raye inquired finally.  
  
"After she stopped gaping at me, you mean?" Raye nodded. "She   
didn't say anything. Not at first, anyway. Rather, she started to  
laugh, as though I'd cracked some sort of fantastic joke. I swear, I   
saw tears running down her cheeks." Raye gasped.   
  
"She didn't," she whispered. "What a bitch."  
  
Chad didn't reply. "When she'd finally calmed down enough to speak,   
Whitney told me that I wasn't exactly her type. I was weak, she said,   
and my status was 'beneath hers'. To this day, I don't know what she   
meant by that. After all, my parents had money; I wasn't exactly   
living in the streets at that point." He rolled his eyes. "Naturally,  
I was hurt at first. But that hurt was quickly replaced by anger. I   
was so repulsed by her attitude, and by the things she had to say to   
me. After all that time I'd invested in trying to be with her, I   
finally realized what a horrible person she really was." Chad forced   
a bitter laugh. "Soon after that, I came to resent everyone around me.  
To me, wealth represented all of the things that I hated: cruelty,   
greed, and selfishness. More than ever, I began to desire my freedom,  
and crave the open road. I wanted to live life as I never had before,  
free from the protective shackles of my parents' riches. I'd write and  
perform music, I decided, just as long as I could be on my own.   
  
"At seventeen, I packed a few belongings and hitch-hiked out of town.  
I slept here and there, earning spare change by playing my guitar on  
street corners. I frequented bars, eager to perform on stage whenever  
the opportunity presented itself, which was usually during 'amateur   
nights'. My life was restless, and without direction, but I was   
happy." Chad smiled. "For two years, I enjoyed that rootless   
existence. Then one night, when I was nineteen years old, I fell   
asleep on the steps of a local shrine. And the rest, as they say, is   
history." He threw a wink at his raven-haired companion.   
  
"So that's how you came to be living here," Raye murmured, fingering   
the long stem of her wineglass. "All because of this Whitney girl."   
  
"Not *just* because of her," Chad protested. Then he sighed. "I'd   
always wanted to know what it was like to live independently of my   
parents. That wasn't exactly a new idea to me at the time. After   
living such a sheltered life, it was natural for me to have a deep   
underlying curiosity about the world around me. I'm sure that, Whitney  
or no, I would have wound up leaving sooner or later." he paused. "I  
guess she just caused me to leave a little earlier than I had ever   
anticipated. Not that that's a bad thing," he smiled softly at Raye.  
"After all, had I not left when I did, I may have never found my way to  
this shrine. I may have never met you."  
  
Seeing Raye's eyes widen, Chad flushed a deep shade of pink.   
  
"What I mean is..." he stammered, "It's just that... well. You and   
your grandfather took me in, and gave me a place to live. You helped   
me find myself when I..." He sighed. "Never mind."  
  
Nodding slowly, Raye sipped her drink and stared absent-mindedly at   
the floor, unsure of what to say. It had been over a month since she'd  
pushed aside her emotions, locking away any romantic feelings she'd   
felt towards Chad, and so far she'd been doing a fair job.   
  
~Tonight, though... Tonight is different.~  
  
Being alone with him; a sensuous, romantic atmosphere; the warm,   
fuzzy feeling of the wine beginning to take effect: all had become   
factors in the lowering of her inhibitions. Now, her mind reeling with  
uncertainty, she finally spoke in a hushed tone.  
  
"Chad? What do you think would have happened to the two of us? You   
know. If you hadn't started dating Lita."  
  
Taken aback by the question, he merely blinked in response. "What do  
you mean?" he asked finally. It was Raye's turn to blush.  
  
"I don't know, really," she said softly. "I just meant, what do you   
think would have happened between us, given the right amount of time?"  
With a sudden shake of her head, Raye finished of the last of her wine,  
and set the glass back on the table. "Never mind, it was a stupid   
question."  
  
"It's *not* a stupid question," Chad admonished. He gave her a shy  
smile. "I've wondered that myself, from time to time."  
  
"And?" Her eyes met his.  
  
"Well, to be honest, I don't know what would have happened. I know   
what I would have wanted, but..." he trailed off distractedly.  
  
"What would that have been?" Her voice was gentle, quiet.  
  
Chad didn't reply. Hypnotized by the deep violet of her eyes, he   
merely stared at her. "I wanted..." he murmured,  
~So much trouble in a gaze like this.~  
"I wanted..."  
~How does she do this to me?~  
"You."  
  
Like a moth to a flame, he was drawn to her suddenly. Reaching out a  
hand, he caught hers and pulled her toward him gently, feeling the   
lithe, unprotesting weight of her body crush his chest. Unclasping   
their hands, he wrapped an arm around her back, feeling the smooth silk  
of her dress under his fingertips as he reached up with his right hand   
to gently caress her face.   
  
~She's only going to hurt you,~ that small voice in his head whispered.  
  
~Let her.~  
  
His heart beat a rhythmic tattoo in his chest as he stared into her   
eyes, tracing the smooth line of her cheek with his thumb. "Just you,"   
he whispered. Feeling her tremble against him, he moved his hand to   
the back of her head where he curled his fingers through her hair.  
  
He paused only a moment before his head dipped towards hers and their  
lips met in a heated kiss, thick with the flavor of wine and strawberry  
gloss. Chad savored the taste of her mouth, pulling her closer to him   
as her lips parted and pressed against his more intensely. Like   
swords, their tongues clashed against one another in a virtual battle,   
each combatant seeking to claim victory over their growing desire.   
  
Gently he let his hand trail down her spine, finally coming to rest  
at the hem of her dress, on the back of her thigh. Relishing in the   
feel of her curved form writhing beneath his fingers, Chad moaned into   
Raye's mouth and tightened his grip on her, enticed by the passion he  
felt in the kiss.   
  
"Chad, wait." Raye broke away from him suddenly and sat up,   
frustration clearly marking her beautiful features. "You know that I   
can't. We've got to-"  
  
"Think about Lita?" Chad offered, breathing heavily. Raye nodded,   
lifting her hand to touch her lips.   
  
"We've been through this before. I can't believe that I-" she was   
interrupted by the sudden appearance of hands on her arms, clutching at  
her.   
  
"Don't you think I know that?" Chad demanded. "Of course I don't   
want Lita to get hurt."   
  
Raye sighed. "But she will, can't you see?" She glanced down at the  
hands that held her so firmly. Chad's brow furrowed and he pulled her  
towards him again, so close that their noses nearly touched.   
  
"I'm sorry for that," he whispered, his breath hot against her lips.  
"But the fact of the matter is, I don't *love* Lita. She's not the one  
that I want." He paused, staring intently into her eyes. "You are."  
  
At his words, the last of her resolve shattered. Lips met lips in   
another spell-binding kiss.   
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
The End, Chapter Six  
  
  
Credits: "A good book is the precious lifeblood of a master spirit,   
embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life."  
-John Milton,   
Areopagitica [1644]  
  
  
AN: Ohmigosh! I am sooooo sorry for the delay this time around. As   
most of you know, I've had a LOT of personal problems to deal with   
these past couple months and on top of that, well, you read the   
chapter! It's twice as long as previous ones. That's right. This was  
a HUUUUUUGGGGGEEE bleedin' project to tackle this time around. And   
writing it was almost painful at times. I swear, there were times   
where I literally had to smack myself in the face while working and   
say, 'You! Get working!' I forced myself into several writing   
marathons this chapter... it got to the point where it wasn't that odd   
to see me in front of the computer, typing away, for eight hours at a  
stretch. Argh. It was... work. I really wish I could have gotten   
this out in time for X-mas, but... c'est la vie, eh? I'm sure you all  
will forgive me.   
  
Big kisses and hugs go out to Nae, Steph, Des, Court, and everyone at  
ASMR for helping me out during my roughest times. You guys will   
seriously never know how much you helped me out, I swear. I love you   
all so much!   
  
Thanks also go out to Meara, my editor this time around. I'll admit,  
I was disappointed when I learned my precious Moon Senshi was too busy  
to do it anymore. But I've got to say... I cannot think of a better  
replacement than Meara. You're a talented, intelligent woman- one I  
deeply respect. Thank you.  
  
I do hope you all enjoyed this latest chapter. Only two more to go!  
And don't worry, neither of *those* will be nearly as long as this one.  
Hopefully, that means I'll get them out faster. ;)  
  
Love and kisses all of you,  
Sincerely,  
Mercury Blue. 


	8. Falling Apart A

[mercuryblue_22@hotmail.com]  
[courtney@email.ky]  
  
  
This story is rated PG-13 for language, and sexual references.  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
  
Would you dance   
If I asked you to dance  
Would you run   
And never look back  
Would you cry   
If you saw my crying  
Would you save my soul tonight  
  
Would you tremble  
If I touched your lips  
Would you laugh  
Oh please tell me this  
Would you die for the one you love  
Hold me in your arms tonight  
  
I can be your hero baby  
I can kiss away your pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away  
  
Would you swear  
That you'll always be mine  
Would you lie  
Would you run and hide  
Am I in too deep  
Have I lost my mind  
I don't care  
You're here tonight  
  
I just wanna hold you  
  
  
~Hero  
Enrique Iglesias  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
Altered State, book one  
"Tonight, Tonight"  
by Mercury Blue and Fire Goddess Raye  
--------------------------------------------  
  
  
Part Two- The Second Month  
  
Chapter Seven (A)-  
Falling Apart  
  
  
It is said that the only way to rid one's self of a temptation is to   
yield to it.  
  
It would seem no one knows this better than our young friends.  
  
Though both Amy and Raye have fought to resist their deepest urges,   
neither were able to succeed for very long. Perhaps it was the magic   
of the season that weakened their resolve. Or, in Raye's case, perhaps  
it was the wine. Either way, both women have now found themselves in   
positions they'd swore would never take them. Both must now deal with   
the consequences.  
  
For the men, the decisions were far easier to make. The temptation  
that much easier to indulge. Darien has told Amy that they will   
face her dreams together because, in his eyes, the matter is simple:   
he wants to be with her.   
  
In Chad's case, things are more complicated. Though he hasn't   
knowledge of the future to hold him back, he *does* have a budding   
relationship with Lita. But at what cost? As it happens, his initial  
reasons for trying to pull away from Raye have proved false. He'd   
seen her with another man and, as he was prone to do, he'd jumped to  
irrational conclusions about it. Having spent years trying to catch  
her attention (to no avail, it seemed), he'd finally given up hope,   
throwing himself blindly into another woman's arms to try and forget  
his feelings for Raye. But, as he's only now learned, the 'mystery  
man' had only been delivering something. His Christmas gift, no less.  
  
So Chad has lost his only excuse. No longer can he hide behind an   
affair with Lita, silently cursing Raye for seeking another man's   
attention. He's realized that fate isn't what's kept him from the   
woman of his dreams. In fact, it's been his own cowardice.  
  
Well, in vino veritas. There is truth in wine.   
  
Finally, the truth has been revealed. But at what cost?  
  
Only Time will tell.  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
  
When Amy woke up on Christmas morning, it was with tears streaming   
down her face and a cold chill running down her spine. The dreams had  
wasted no time in returning to her, she thought absent-mindedly as she  
brought a delicate hand to her breast to help ease her labored   
breathing. They hadn't grown any less horrifying, either.  
  
Casting a worried look at her slumbering bed-partner, Amy noted that  
he didn't seem the slightest bit bothered by her waking. Rather, he   
dozed comfortably on, the rise and fall of his chest relaxed and   
steady.  
  
~It hasn't stopped.~ she thought to herself. Not as the she'd   
really expected that the nightmares would. Rather, she'd counted on   
their return, which only stressed the fact she'd been aware of all   
along. They couldn't be together. One amazing night between them   
wouldn't change that.  
  
Amy took a moment to study Darien's gentle features, softened in   
sleep. Lit by the rising sun, he looked every bit the fallen angel   
and her heart twinged with a combination of pure love and agony as the   
realization struck her that she couldn't spend the remainder of her   
life's mornings with him.   
  
"You're beautiful," she whispered, careful not to wake him as she   
brushed a rogue strand of hair from his forehead. Her eyes stung   
with the tears she didn't want to cry and she pulled her hand away   
quickly, not daring to linger any longer. Such behavior could be   
dangerous, she knew. She couldn't allow herself to be pulled in   
again.  
  
Drawing a shuddering breath, Amy slid herself from beneath her   
bedcovers and stepped out of bed, the winter-touched wooden floor cold  
on her bare feet as she walked towards her dresser. It was early yet,   
the room still dim with the last traces of night, but she didn't seem   
the slightest bit tired as she picked up a comb to untangle her knotted  
tresses.   
  
It was time to come out of hiding she decided as she prepared   
herself, stepping into the bathroom to perform her standard grooming  
rituals. Instinctively, she knew that her emotional involvement with   
Darien made it nearly impossible to handle the dream situation on her   
own. She was too vulnerable.   
  
But she was also utterly alone in dealing with their relationship,   
which had long-since drifted beyond the realm of a simple 'affair'.   
She loved him too much to look at the scenario objectively, and knew   
after their previous evening's conversation that he was as well. As   
much as she hated and feared the idea, Amy knew that she needed to   
talk to someone; someone who could help her sort out the mess she'd   
gotten herself into. Someone who, with luck, could understand why   
she'd done what she had done. Someone who would forgive her.  
  
Raye was the natural choice, of course. In addition to being her   
closest friend, Amy sensed that having lived through the experience of  
having the man she loved date a close friend would make Raye more   
sympathetic to her predicament. At least, she hoped.  
  
How Raye could possibly help her, Amy wasn't sure. Desperation was   
driving her to take this chance, however, and she needed to believe   
that maybe, just maybe, her friend could help her situation. Perform a  
fire-reading perhaps. Or, at the very least, offer her some advice.   
  
~Please be there for me,~ Amy prayed silently as she dressed   
herself. ~I could really use your help.~  
  
Hastily, she jotted a note onto a piece of paper telling Darien that  
she would be back shortly. Placing it on her pillow, she once again   
let her gaze fall on his sleeping face. Taking in the soft curve of   
his lips, the sharp triangle of his nose, and the gentle fluttering   
eyelids that lay against his cheek, she felt her heart contract in   
pain. She forced herself to turn away from him, to stand up and head   
for the door. But not before placing a warm kiss on the forehead to   
say goodbye.  
  
As she left she cast a final glance at her dozing lover, and smiled   
sadly. Uncertainty and dread filled every crevice of her soul as,   
finally, she left to share her secret.  
  
  
* * *  
  
The almost festive jingling of the car keys in her pocket cut through   
the early morning silence as Amy walked down the sidewalk that lead to   
the Cherry Hill Shrine. Her mind reeled with emotion as she wondered   
exactly how she would go about telling Raye about everything that had   
happened to her over the past weeks.   
  
"Please go well," she whispered aloud, feeling her stomach lurch in   
apprehension. She exhaled deeply, trying to calm her frazzled nerves.  
  
Amy felt a jagged tongue of wind cut through her clothing and lick  
at her face suddenly. Her red and numb fingers instantly reached up to  
pull her thick coat closer to her exposed throat, which already ached  
from exposure to the early morning winter air. Silently, she shivered.  
Despite being the Soldier of ice, she was freezing.  
  
~It's too early to be outside in this weather,~ she thought bitterly,  
cutting a path through ankle deep snow that had fallen the night   
before. ~I must be insane. Only a crazy person would be wandering  
around at this time of day.~  
  
"Hey Amy, wait up!"  
  
A voice, painfully cheery for that time of day, startled her   
suddenly and she spun around to see Lita jogging towards her, her face  
rosy and smiling.  
  
Unlike Amy, whose exhaustion and strain were evident in the bleak  
grey of her eyes, Lita looked lively and full of energy. Her auburn   
hair was tied back with red and green ribbons that streamed in long  
coils down her spine among her tresses, carefully matched to the dark  
green sweater she wore. The clownish face of a red-nosed reindeer   
stretched itself across her ample bosom, leering at Amy with   
exaggerated cheer.   
  
"Hi," she greeted when she'd caught up. She reached up to pull her  
heavy green coat closed, her hand disappearing in the frothy white   
trim that lined the sleeves and hood. She smiled brightly, tiny   
pearlescent teeth flashing, and Amy struggled to remember the last time  
she herself had felt so carefree. "Merry Christmas!"  
  
Lita set down a large plastic grocery bag and reached for Amy,   
pulling her into an almost-painful hug. Amy felt the loose tendril of  
one of her friend's hair ribbons free itself and tickle her cheek.   
  
"Merry Christmas, Lita."  
  
Amy forced a smile for her benefit, trying to disguise the tension  
that filled her voice. She'd never expected to run into anyone else  
at that time of day.  
  
Lita reached for her bag and grinned, looping the strap over her   
wrist like a heavy bracelet. "What are you doing here so early, Amy?"  
she asked. Amy froze. She could hardly tell the truth- that she was  
here to confess her affair to Raye. Instead, her forced smile grew  
broader.  
  
"I wanted to ask Raye if I could borrow some of her clothes for   
tonight's party," she lied. Amy felt her jaw clench as she said it,   
terrified her friend could see right through her. "I'm really looking  
forward to it," she added quickly, in an attempt to sound sincere.   
After a pause, she changed the subject. "What about you?"  
  
The toothy grin widened, and it was all Amy could do not to cringe  
at Lita's merriment. Though it warmed her heart to see her friend so   
obviously happy, Amy was only reminded of her life's problems, and the  
contentment she so desperately wanted for herself.   
  
"Well, I'm here to see Chad," Lita replied. She shifted the bag from  
her wrist to her palm and pulled it open ever so slightly on one side   
to show Amy the contents. She caught a peek of silver foil and etched   
holly leaves. Gift wrap, Amy realized. The bag contained a nicely-  
wrapped box.   
  
"I wanted to surprise Chad this morning," continued Lita, her smile  
turning shy and slightly coy. "To give him his present early." A   
faint blush stained her already pink cheeks and she looked down at   
Amy from underneath thick eyelashes. "I thought it would be nice  
if I was the first thing he saw this morning."  
  
Amy nodded slowly, and gave Lita a weak smile. Even after a month,   
she still found it difficult to believe that her friend and Chad were  
now an item. Even harder to believe was that Raye had seemingly grown  
accepting of the relationship.  
  
"I think that would be nice," she said finally, after a pause. She  
began heading towards the Shrine again, as Lita fell into step next to  
her.   
  
They made a strange pair as they walked in companionable silence   
towards Raye's home. Tall, healthy and spirited Lita to one side,   
practically glowing, the plastic bag she held rustling with every   
motion. And next to her was Amy, looking weakened and thin in her too-  
large coat with a deep frown etched across her features. She stole a  
quick glance at Lita, so caught up in the 'Christmas spirit' that she   
hadn't even noticed Amy's own lack of cheer, and felt a twinge of   
relief. At least she wouldn't be swept into a conversation about 'what  
was bothering her' and 'how Lita could help'. Amy didn't know how she   
would reply to that.  
  
Soon, they reached the door to the Shrine's living quarters, and Lita  
rapped brightly at the door as Amy sniffled against the cold. Several   
moments passed without a response. Exhaling deeply, Amy reached out to  
knock again, her breath swirling visible in front of her like cigarette  
smoke.   
  
"So, Ames," Lita said suddenly, leaning against the doorframe as she  
waited for the someone to let them in. "What have you been up to for   
the past several weeks? I haven't seen hide nor hair of you."  
  
Amy blinked, various excuses pouring into her mind. She considered  
telling Lita that she'd been studying hard, preparing for the upcoming  
school year. A lie- for the first time in her life, she hadn't studied  
at all. It was a believable excuse, though. Predictable enough. Amy   
knew Lita would groan and make some comment about working too hard over  
winter break, then eagerly move onto another topic.  
  
Opening her mouth to reply, Amy paused. Instead, she said, "Maybe  
they're asleep."  
  
Unfazed by yet another subject change, Lita nodded and moved away  
from the door. "Those poor dears," she giggled. "Maybe they were up  
half the night waiting for Santa Claus to show up."  
  
Amy nodded, the first genuine smile of the day creeping across her   
features at the ridiculous mental picture that theory provided. Lita   
winked, putting her bag over her shoulder like old Saint Nick, and   
turned the doorknob quietly. "Well," she said as the door opened   
without resistance, "Santa's here."  
  
She made a show of walking into the house, waddling like a fat man  
and putting a finger to her lips to silence Amy. "Now we can *really*   
surprise them." She giggled again, slipping out of her shoes and   
heading directly towards Chad's bedroom.   
  
Amy lingered in the foyer, shrugging out of her jacket with hesitance  
as she braced herself for the emotional impact of finally sharing her   
secret. Though she'd screwed up enough courage to bring her thus far,  
she was uncertain about how she'd find the strength to go all the way.   
Raye was her closest friend, true. But she was also fiercely loyal to   
their princess and leader. Sudden doubt began to seize her.  
  
Before she could act on that doubt, however, she was startled by the  
sudden 'thud' of something being dropped, followed instantly by a sharp  
intake of breath as though someone had been punched in the stomach.   
Every muscle in Amy's body clenched as the sudden fear that something  
horrible was happening overwhelmed her.   
  
Her first instinct was that they were being attacked. Her hand   
closed over the transformation wand she still always kept on her, and   
she called out Lita's name in worry, readying herself to fight if   
necessary. Years of battles and scores of enemies had caused her to   
grow cautious, constantly aware of any possible threat.   
  
There was no answer, and Amy silently cursed herself for   
automatically assuming the worst. Without removing her boots, she   
sprinted across the room and into the hallway that lead to Chad's   
bedroom to investigate the strange sounds.  
  
It took her a moment to realize what had happened when she finally  
reached Lita, staring slack-jawed into Chad's room as she stood in the  
doorway. Her hands were empty, and Amy noticed the bag Lita had been   
holding laying on the floor sideways. The loud noise must have been  
her dropping it, Amy thought. She let her gaze follow her friend's.  
  
What she saw was no demon, though her stomach filled with dread  
nonetheless. Instead, she was met with the sight of Chad's disheveled  
bed, filled with the horrifed stares of its two compromised occupants.  
  
Lita had been right, after all. They had been surprised. By their   
confused and bleary gazes, Amy surmised they'd only just awakened. A  
thin cotton sheet was the only thing that covered either of them.   
  
"I-" Chad started. Raye merely stared at the two of them, lips   
parted as though she wanted to speak, but couldn't think of what to  
say. She pulled the sheet further over her bare chest, her black hair  
fanning out from her head in a tangled mess. Lita didn't wait for him  
to finish.  
  
Without saying a word, she pushed by Amy and headed down the hallway  
towards the front door. As she spun away, Amy saw the glint of a tear  
in her eye, and she felt her heart break with compassion for her   
friend.  
  
"Lita..." she whispered. She turned to follow, but not before taking  
a final look at her panicked friends. Chad, already in boxers, was  
struggling to pull on a pair of worn jeans. Raye didn't move, however.  
Her eyes remained fixed on the gift that lay on the floor, half spilled  
from the plastic bag that had contained it only moments before.   
  
When her eyes finally lifted, they met with Amy's filled to the brim   
with guilty tears. ~I'm sorry,~ she was saying, without actually   
speaking a word. ~Dear gods, I'm sorry.~  
  
Amy nodded curtly, unsure of how else to react. Then without a word,  
she was gone, determined to catch up with Lita.  
  
  
* * *  
  
"Shit! Shit!" Chad leapt out of the bed as though burned, reaching  
for a pair of faded Levis that lay on the floor near the bed. Raye  
watched, distressed, as he pulled the jeans over his hips and fumbled  
clumbsily with the zipper.  
  
"What have we done?" Raye moaned quietly, clutching the bedsheet   
tightly at her breasts as she sat upright on Chad's mattress. "Oh no,  
what have we done?" Her voice was hollow from shock, her eyes stinging  
with unshed tears. She stared numbly at the dropped gift, and began  
to cry.  
  
Movement soon drew her gaze upward, however, and Raye realized Amy  
was still standing in the doorway, staring in utter shock.  
  
Raye's eyes were filled with shame and sorrow as they met Amy's,   
horrifed at being caught in such a compromising fashion. ~I'm so   
sorry,~ she thought instantly, and Amy appeared to understand. She  
offered a quick nod before turning on her heel to catch up to Lita.  
  
"Sonovabitch!" Chad swore suddenly, and Raye turned her head to watch  
as he struggled to pull on a t-shirt, his frustration causing him   
obvious difficulty.   
  
"Chad..." Raye whispered. She blinked, and fresh tears spilled down  
her cheeks. "Chad, I'm sorry." Once again, her eyes fixed on the   
floor outside the door, at the gift that lay there.  
  
Finally dressed, Chad approached the side of the bed and sat down,  
cradling his head in his hands. "Don't apologize," he said after a   
long pause. His voice was quiet, with a defeated tone that made Raye's  
heart break. "I don't want you to be sorry." He ran his fingers   
through his hair with a sigh, offered her a weak smile.  
  
Raye said nothing, staring sadly at the floor.  
  
"Raye?" She didn't reply.  
  
A panicked look painted itself across his features. Chad turned   
sharply, facing her. "Raye, please," he implored. "Tell me that you  
don't regret this."   
  
Once again, she didn't reply. She shamefully avoided his gaze,   
turning her tear-stained face away from him. Chad, frustrated, grabbed  
her shoulders and shook her, ignoring the sharp gasp of surprise that  
escaped her parted lips.  
  
"Raye! Please tell me!" He was almost yelling now. "Tell me that  
you don't regret what we did!" His eyes stung, he was going to cry.  
  
Finally, violet eyes flickered over his. "I... I don't know," she   
whispered hoarsely. He pushed her away from him, grunting in disgust.  
  
"Of course you don't," he spat, anger disguising his obvious hurt.  
He didn't even look at her as he stood up, storming out of the bedroom.  
  
Raye watched his retreat, her lower lip trembling dangerously. "I  
don't know anything anymore," she said aloud, and the floodgates burst.  
Pulling the sheet over her shoulders, she curled up into a tight ball  
on the bed, sobbing.  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
It was a Monday when my lover told me  
"Never pay The Reaper with love only."  
What could I say to you, except, "I love you."  
And "I'd give my life for yours."  
  
I know we are... we are the lucky ones.  
  
The first time we made love I...  
I wasn't sober.  
(And you told me you loved me over and over!)  
How could I ever love another  
When I miss you every day...  
  
Remember the time we made love  
In the roses?  
(And you took my picture in all sorts of poses!)  
How could I ever get over you,  
When I'd give my life for yours?  
  
I know we are... we are the lucky ones.  
  
My dear,  
It's time to say I thank god for you.  
  
I thank god for you in each and every single way.  
And I know... I know... I know...   
It's time you to let you know.  
Time to let you know.  
Time to let you know.  
Time to sit here and sit here and say:  
  
I know we are... we are the lucky ones, dear.  
  
We are the lucky ones, dear.  
  
~Lucky  
Bif Naked  
  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
  
The End, Chapter Seven  
  
  
Credits: "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."  
-Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde  
The Picture of Dorian Gray [1891]   
  
  
  
AN: A leering reindeer staring back from an overly-festive sweater.  
Anyone else get the very pointed Bridget Jones reference here? Hands  
down, Nae. I knew YOU would.   
  
To those of you who may be thinking to yourselves, 'Wow! What a short  
chapter!' this is merely the first half of chapter seven. Due to busy   
schedules, neither the Fire Goddess or myself have had much time to   
write as of late. I decided to release chapter seven in two parts so  
that the more avid readers could get their 'fix' while allowing time  
for the second part to wrap up. I know from e-mails that some of you   
were very excited to see what would happen after chapter six. Expect  
to see the other half of chapter seven released shortly.  
  
Thanks go out to Meara, Destiny, Andrea, Steph and Nae (of course!)   
this time around. Thanks for everything! Your friendship means a lot.  
Thanks also go out to all of those at ASMR who helped me out during the  
worst time of my life. While the pain still lingers, it's diminished   
by the knowledge that I have true friends in all of you. Thank you   
very much. 


End file.
